Seduced By Snowmen

According to society’s standards, my Christmas was not what most people would call merry.

I spent most of the day alone. Due to a snowstorm that was unusual for Vancouver, and a power outage, my boyfriend’s arrival was delayed by a day.

But more importantly, his 85-year-old father had been critically ill in the hospital after having a heart attack less than a week before Christmas.

Thankfully, he was released and sent home three days before Christmas. His family couldn’t have received a better gift. I was absolutely thrilled for them.

It had been a week of prayers and emotions enmeshed with thoughts of upcoming holiday celebrations. Christmas dinner was cancelled to give them both some quiet time to recover from their ordeal.

After a less than financially successful year my Christmas spending was drastically reduced. On the bright side, I was spared the shopping frenzy by making one trip to buy my boyfriend’s gift.

On Christmas eve day, I received some mail. A card from my father with a cheque in it, and some gift cards from my stepmother and stepbrother. Yippee! And… a bill from a lawyer for over $400… from services rendered for a business I had closed months earlier. No comment.

Staring out the window at the heaps of snow from yesterday’s snowstorm, I found myself thinking, “What else?” but quickly put a stop to that. I’d caught myself doing that before, realizing I was looking for proof about how bad things could get. Almost inviting more. I knew better… didn’t I?

When I didn’t think about how Christmas was “supposed” to be, things weren’t really THAT bad! In fact, I didn’t feel all that badly – just not enthusiastic. Without that positive motivating force to fill me up, other thoughts tried to drift in.

While staring out my living room window I noticed how beautiful the snow looked. I hadn’t seen that much snow since I’d moved from Ontario eight years ago.

Still with three hours to wait for my boyfriend I decided to go for a walk. Should I take my camera? I decided no.

Manoevering along unshovelled sidewalks and tiptoeing across icy patches was satisfying. Fun, actually.

There were few people out and about. Most cars were covered under piles of snow after the two storms we’d had in the past week.

Then, the first snowman caught my attention. Then another and after almost thirty minutes into my walk, one more snowman. Darn it – no camera! Abruptly, I turned around and headed back with my mind made up.

There were more snowmen on the other side of the street on my way home. I calculated another thirty minutes to get to the camera, thirty more minutes to get back to that third snowman. And then the final thirty minutes back home. Was I crazy? Two hours walking in the snow? I didn’t care. The crazier the idea, the better it sounded.

I felt like a kid again. All that mattered was getting those photographs. I hoped it wouldn’t start raining, or that the snowmen wouldn’t be destroyed by the time I returned. “That would be just my luck wouldn’t it,” that inside voice said. “Shut up,” I told it.

As I rushed home through the snow-covered streets I realized that I had stopped looking for something to define my happiness. I was choosing it for myself and it wasn’t dependent on having the Christmas I thought I should. With camera in hand, my heart sank on the way out again as I saw a headless snowman. Damn kids! Had I noticed that one before?

With the exception of one blister, my efforts were rewarded as you will see by the following photographs and thanks to the residents of Kitsilano. Only one snowman had been destroyed. This is their story…

“When you feel small and weighed down with heavy thoughts, chin up…”

“Don’t let them get you down. Come on inside. With a little warmth, they’ll melt away soon enough.”

“Somewhere there is a party waiting for you.”

“The door is always open and you’re welcome any time.”

“Come on in and take a load off.”

“Who says there can’t be palm trees AND snow? The strong will survive.”

The rest of Christmas day breezed by. I shared turkey with my boyfriend and my landlord. We had a small gift exchange, watched a good movie and found comfort in each others company.

Letting go of the need to fill myself up with pity left space for other, more rewarding experiences.

Yes, the past year had been an intense growing period. But, I knew  more than ever what I wanted less of in my life… and more importantly, what I wanted more of.

Christmas day brought the gift of experience. That is priceless.

I hope you had an inspiring Christmas whatever you did. Perhaps you were enthusiastic, inspired or grumpy. Maybe it was the worst Christmas you’ve ever had, or the best, or the craziest. What stands out about 2008? Write about it, or someone.

If you could write one true sentence to express your thoughts and feelings what would it be? This is your opportunity to write a quote that would be a great addition to The Quote Effect. You just might find that quote buried in your archives or in your comments sections.

There are close to a dozen bloggers already signed up. Please share this around the blogosphere with your buddies and give them a chance to share some words of wisdom. There will be plenty of linking going on. Each week in January I will feature one entry to this project and link back to the blogger who supplies it.

And you don’t want to miss this either! My friend Stacey is having a brainstorming party over at CreateABalance.com and you are invited. She is giving away goody bags to participants.

Tagged as: fulfillment, imagination, Inspiration, intention, life balance, Personal Development, Positive Thinking, Writing