The introvert personality type
Introverts are highly misunderstood people and account for about 25% of the population. They process information differently, focusing on their inner world. They enjoy thinking, exploring feelings and often avoid social situations because it drains their energy. Extroverts on the other hand, are energized by people.
Introversion is not the same as shyness which involves a certain amount of nervousness and anxiety. Introverts, like extroverts still have good social skills, but after being with people they need time alone to “recharge.”
When you’re an introvert, remember it
I am a true introvert, with a dash of shyness. Last weekend I volunteered as an assistant at a life coach workshop with The Coaches Training Institute.
The morning started off on an awkward note. I botched my first task — tacking the clock on the wall. I put the hook upside down and spent the next five minutes trying to pry the sticky tape from the wall and re-attach the hook properly. Eventually, I had to stand up and introduce myself to 23 strangers.
It was an incredible experience to reconnect with that group energy again. I remembered sitting in those chairs almost a year ago and how full of anticipation I felt.
On Friday the energy in the room was one of curiosity, a little apprehension and a willingness to explore. By the time Sunday arrived the group had connected as one. We were immersed in a bubble of excitement. It was impossible to not be affected, and so for three days I functioned as an extrovert… or tried to.
Know your limit as an introvert
On Monday morning my brother emailed me to say hi and ask what I was up to. This is what I told him.
“This week, I’m hunting for part-time work and proofreading contracts, preparing a promotion for my life coaching business, preparing for my next coaching session, planning an article to promote life coaching, networking, catching up on emails from three days, going to Toastmasters, organizing the ebook that I launched in December, preparing to quote on and lay out a book for a client that is to be published, preparing a guest post for my blog, keeping up with general blogging activities (which reminds me, I have no post written for this week) and there are close to 50 unread posts in my reader.
His response? “Holy s**t!”
A couple of days later my energy level plummeted. I awoke Wednesday morning with a headache. I plowed through the commitments for that day with laborious effort, while thinking about the Toastmasters meeting that evening.
I had my hair cut early that morning and felt like sleeping in the chair while she snipped away. Instead, we had one of our more lively chats ever. I forced myself to do the banking and pick up groceries on the way home.
Then more work. More planning. More brainstorming. I was craving salt (a sure sign of burnout), so I opened a bag of chips. That was my lunch — bad nutritionist! But, they satisfied my salt craving. I had a healthy salad for dinner though <<<pat on the back>>>.
I was running on adrenaline from the workshop. I hit the ground running on Monday and had not allowed myself time to recharge.
A good coach must not let personal circumstances colour their coaching. So I also had to park the fear and anxiety I’d been feeling about financial difficulties and business planning.
My poor introverted self was dragged kicking and screaming into a playground, naked.
Nurture the introvert
I will plan to have plenty of time to rest the day after the next workshop. Now that I recall, I’ve been working pretty much every day since New Year’s, weekends included — yikes!
This morning I made the decision to declare a mini-holiday for myself next week. I will take my introvert down the golden road of introversion.
Each day will begin with yoga, meditation and a healthy breakfast. The computer will NOT be turned on until later. I will take walks to the beach, visit a coffee shop to sit and read a book, and I will go to a movie.
I will be in bed by 11 pm instead of 2 am. I will continue writing and responding to comments, but won’t be visiting as many blogs as I’d like. I hope you understand… well, I might sneak a few peeks every day.
I’ve been Doing and not Being. Perhaps if I ease up, I will give the energy I’ve been putting out a chance to come back to me, and will recharge my life and my sense of connection with the things I love.
Are you an extrovert or an introvert? How do you take care of yourself?
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Oh, Davina, I feel your exhaustion! ;) Just reading this made my shoulders tighten with empathy and sympathy.
What a terrific explanation of introverted (and shy) types and how we function best—-or not! My husband’s an extrovert and I swear he still doesn’t “get” what quiet alone time truly means for me. He goes with it, but he doesn’t understand. I crave silence. I’m in an office all day, with the computer fan running, the air ducts humming, people’s voices, the “noise” of e-mail and tasks… Oh, geesh! There’s the traffic to and from work… At night, there’s conversation, the TV… Auditory stimulation isn’t the only kind of noise. There’s visual noise/clutter as well as the emotional “need to do [whatever].” Anything that pulls my attention away from inward “being” contributes to the energetic plunge.
To offset it, I arise a couple hours early for “me” time, and during that I try to get a few minutes of yoga or meditation (key word “try”). I usually drive without the radio on. I never turn on the TV. I sink into my chores as best I can; this is much more effective with my outdoor chores, but folding laundry and washing dishes by hand are good times to just sort of drift away. Really, what I do most often is to just feel whatever moment I’m in, really “be” in it. This helps make the internal world more present, more accessible.
Have you considered whittling some of your self-imposed commitments by just a tad? I just told Lance I’ve stopped reading a few blogs which aren’t as useful or enjoyable as some of the others, and I’ve reprioritized the rest into some I’d like to read soon after they publish and others that can be put off. Already, I feel the mental weight has lifted. I’m not so pulled into feeling that “I must” read them. I’ve given myself permission to loosen the reins. Maybe this could help you, if your reading list is very long.
And now I’ve just written the MOST lengthy of comments, which you did NOT need…! (Sorry.)
Your methods are PERFECT for the in-depth recharge you need! You’re going to SO enjoy your week!! :)
Julie’s last blog post..Tag, This is Who I Am
Introvert, believe it or not.
I take care of myself by not worrying about things. I take care of the things that I can and don’t worry about the things I can’t do anything about. When I was teaching, I made sure that I was WAY more prepared than I needed to be — that way, there was very little to worry about, other than trying to figure out what NOT to cover.
Mike Goad’s last blog post..Wednesday Weigh-In and another new look
I’m an introvert.
I take care of myself by having plenty of alone time (I don’t work in an office so I get several hours of alone time each day while my kids are at school), by eating well, exercising, living in a clutter-free home (very important to me) and keeping in touch with close friends while weeding out the toxic ones.
But I think too much, worry too much, and often find it difficult to relax.
I like Julie’s advice about blog reading. I’ve been doing the same lately, and while visiting other bloggers less often immediately translates into less comments on your own blog (it’s amazing how fast it happens), it is very much worth it.
Vered – MomGrind’s last blog post..Sleepless
Davina, you may not believe it but I have a very introverted side to me. I do. I mostly force myself to smile and get out and about with fellow humans but I far prefer to be home writing a song or visiting wonderful blogs to parties and such.
And sorry, but putting a hook upside-down for a clock, forgive me but I had laughed out loud.
Jannie Funster’s last blog post..Kalyani’s Magic Fuzzy Pants
Hi Davina,
I really don’t know if I’m an introvert or extrovert. I love time alone with myself, and also have no problem mixing with strangers. Guess there’s a bit of both in all of us. I love your outline of a schedule that takes care of yourself, especially not turning on the computer until later! I have a bad habit of checking email etc first thing in the morning and then it just doesn’t stop all day. Think it’s a good idea to start perhaps only after lunch, like today.
Daphne’s last blog post..8 Lessons A Nearly-Dead Dog Taught Me About Living
Hi Davina – as I wrote on Hunter’s blog once – I am proud to be and introvert. I’d describe myself as an introvert who has social skills and likes crowds and people (as long as I don’t have to talk to them too much!)
I always take time to do nothing after intense times – i never keep going day after day after day.
Thanks for talking about all this! There is SO much emphasis “out there” on being busy, busy, busy -as if it is the only way to be.
Cheers – Robin
Robin’s last blog post..The Genie That Keeps On Giving
Hi Davina,
After reading the email you sent to your brother, all I could say was “Whew”
I’m definitely an introvert, and I treasure my alone time. Fortunately I’m also married to an introvert who understands. Although I’ve never had a problem making friends, and being social, I’ve always preferred working behind the scenes.
I’ve cut back on my blogging schedule, quite worrying about “the numbers”, and am concentrating more on what I want to do with my blog and where I want it to take me. I’m enjoying Twittering as it’s such a “light” duty, and am also learning more about CSS as I tweak a theme which will one day be my new one. I’m also taking more “me” time to get back to reading (books) – a favorite activity I nearly gave up after I started blogging.
Fortunately I learned to say “no” a long time ago, and have rid myself of toxic friends. I’ve also cut down on the hours I spend on visiting other blogs. Like Vered said, the reciprocal comments also drop, but that’s part of it.
We all need time to recharge, (and I think that’s even more true for introverts) and I know you’ll find the perfect balance.
Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..What Do You Do With A Blog
Hi Davina
It’s great that more and more people are talking and writing about introversion. It is making it more acceptable.
We really live in such an extroverted world if you think about it. I mean, why should we have to socialise in a certain way or speak up in meetings? Why should the expectation be to greet someone and enter their space? Why not have the “norm” to be waiting until you are asked to approach?
I’m currently running a series on my blog about life coaching that I am undergoing with the specific aim to overcome some of the barriers to introversion. You may want to take a look.
Juliet
LifeMadeGreat | Juliet’s last blog post..How Do You Deal With Other People’s Customs?
Hi Davina,
Who am I? I think I tend toward being an introvert, yet – like Daphne – I do show both sides at times.
So, I like the quiet times – like right now – no one up in our house yet. A couple of hours of quietness. It sets me up for the day ahead. It restores me, and I feel newness from this time. And this works well at night, also – if I can end the day this way as well.
After talking with Julie, I too, am trying to put some limit on my blog reading. Really, to give focus to other areas – including meditation. Something I keep talking with myself about – and not doing…
Toastmasters! That’s awesome Davina! I have been involved with this fine organization in the past. Life with kids activities got too busy, and something had to go – TM was it. I hope to get back some day – it’s really such a great environment for working on public speaking and leadership skills. I learned so much in the couple of years that I was involved.
So, here’s to putting some focus on ‘being’ – I’m all for that – and it’s something I need as well. Thanks Davina!
Lance’s last blog post..Smile!
I am a true introvert too. i know how you feel. too much time around people makes me cranky. i need to get my me time first, then i’m able to go out and join the party. it is exhausting, i do need and enjoy my alone time. waking up early in the morning has been great for this as well.
Natural’s last blog post..Roll Call
I am definitely an introvert. I think the primary thing is that introverts are fine in social situations but they are drained by them. After a social gathering or a training session I am exhausted. I have to rest and recharge before I can pick up and keep going. I’m glad you realized how important it is for you to do the same.
Kim Woodbridge’s last blog post..I Loved My Grandmother
Davina…
“My poor introverted self was dragged kicking and screaming into a playground, naked.” That pretty much summarized what you write of here, a very powerful statement.
I am definitely a full blown extrovert but I take my private time very seriously! :)
Everyday I am 4 things: a single mom, full time worker, full time blogger, P/T student…point is I can only do all four sufficiently by creating balance…one thing I do is I write shorter blogs…with so many to read and write, I like the idea of brevity…I offer it and when it’s offered back to me, it’s heaven giving time management a chance!:) Another thing I do is…I don’t get attached to the outcome of things. Hope this makes sense.
Yet another action-provocative post! Thanks so much!
Henie’s last blog post..Friday Focus
It is possible to move beyond labels. Some people resist labels. To grow and pay attention to thoughts and emotions and enables you to learn to curtail them before they control you. You move beyond ambition, hesitation and doubt.
Universal law reveals balance requires opposition. That is, when one side of duality exists, so must the other. If a person believes himself to be an introvert, this is the side he wishes to dwell on and emphasize. However, he also has an extrovert size bursting to be noticed and to get out.
Liara Covert’s last blog post..5 Ways to begin to conquer the mind
Davina,
This was such an affirming post. As a strong introvert myself, I really understand what you’re talking about. As you proved, being introverted doesn’t mean you can’t do extroverted activities just as well as an extrovert. It just means you have to respect your need for down time. I’m glad you’re planning a mini-holiday…you will feel so much better!
By the way, I loved your line about the coaching group, “We were immersed in a bubble of excitement.”
Sara’s last blog post..A Facebook challenge with a twist!
“They process information differently, focusing on their inner world. They enjoy thinking, exploring feelings and often avoid social situations because it drains their energy.” – That’s me. I’m an introvert through and through and require HUGE amounts of “me” time.
Often I find myself needing to “disappear” for days at a time to think and process things – that’s why often times I do disappear on the internet for a while. (Well, sometimes I’m traveling.) Just like this week. I was traveling for the first of the week and I’ve spent most of the rest of the time in retreat. When it hits me, I have to have this time or I break. As a matter of fact, it was so strong yesterday that I HAD to stop everything and regroup and process. Still got more to do. So yes, I identify with you. Learning to say “No” has been huge for me. I’m still learning.
Jennifer’s last blog post..Thinking Error List
Hey Davina,
You are the fourth blog in a row that I have visited that seems to be cutting back on computer time. I totally understand. I did this the first part of January. I get around once or twice a week and I could not be happier. I did join a online group of photographers that has totally inspired me to go after my passion.
As far as what I am. Telling the truth here…I have never thought about it. I guess I just try to be whatever I am at the given moment. I am not shy. I don’t withdraw very easily. I guess I am like Lance above in that I am on both sides.
I do withdraw at times to regroup. I do Yoga and I walk each morning. If I don’t have “me” time then I become a crazy cannon that can explode at any given time.
Take your time away…we will be here in the meantime.
Hi Julie.
LOL, don’t worry about the long comment. I imagine that you have a lot of energy and are very generous with it. It flows through in your writing… utter enthusiasm. You’re sensitive too, being aware of even the fan running on your computer. I like what you’ve said about just feeling the moment, that is so important to letting go of “thinking”.
Reading blogs is actually the less stressing activity for me… but it distracts me from the things I must do for business. That’s a good idea to really focus on the blogs that “feed” you.
Hi Mike.
You sound surprised by your being an introvert LOL. Not worrying about what you can’t control is so important – the trick is to accept the things you can’t control *smile*. Sounds like you were a great teacher.
Hi Vered.
Oh yeah! Living in a clutter-free home is SO important. I feel irritated if things get “messy”. I know what you mean about how fast the comments slow down when you do too. But I agree, it is worth it to take a break.
Hi Jannie.
LOL, it is funny now about the hook. I was so embarrassed at the time. I would have guessed that you were an extrovert. Keep up with the songs. You are talented and I love your sound. Plus, we introverts like listening to good music ;-)
Hi Daphne.
I believe it’s possible to have a balance of both. Maybe you’re one of those lucky people. The big clue is whether you feel exhausted after spending time with people or not — that’s a sure sign of introversion. It IS hard to NOT check email first thing in the morning isn’t it? Arrggggg did it again today!
Hi Robin.
LOL at your comment about not having to talk too much. Until a few months ago I felt negative about being labelled an introvert. Now I understand that it’s just the way some people are built, and society has a habit of making this into a disadvantage because we’re a minority.
You’re right, there is an emphasis on being busy… it’s the “I’m busier than you are” syndrome. Makes folk feel important I guess.
Hi Barbara.
Thanks for your comment. That is a very good point about toxic friends — they really can drain your energy. Reading books is a wonderful nurturing time. I can picture you curled up on your sofa with a good book. I’m looking forward to seeing your new theme.
Hi Juliet.
Welcome! I will definitely pop by to check out your series. You are so right about the need for society to overcome the barriers to introversion. At the workshop a couple of people mentioned how quiet I was, as if I was expected to be just like everybody else. Funny though, I did offer quite a bit of conversation, just quietly. I think the series you are doing is a great idea. I will make a point of dropping by over the weekend. Thanks!
Hi Lance.
It’s always a pleasure to see your happy avatar face here *smile*. Oh yah, the early morning hours are a rich time to spend quietly. It’s such a positive way to launch your day isn’t it? I completely agree with you, Toastmasters is a terrific, supportive environment.
Hi Natural.
So you’re another early riser. There’s something about a young day that is quiet and fulfilling. I can visualize you recharging your batteries before going out to a party (like plugging in to a battery recharger), LOL. Do you find that a lot of the friends you attract are extra extroverted? I have a couple of them who I love to spend time with, but they are so excitable I’m crashing after a couple of hours.
Hi Kim.
It’s great to own and accept when you’re an introvert and not feel like you have to be a certain way. I like how you’ve defined introversion. It just is what it is.
Hi Henie.
“A full blown extrovert” LOL. That’s definitely an extroverted statement, whereas “introvert to the core” would be more of an introverted statement — cool.
I love the photo you’ve used on your “vote for me” post, BTW. You have such a wonderful, lively energy about you. You’ve made some great points here Henie — creating balance and NOT getting attached to the outcome. Thanks! Both so very important.
Hi Liara.
This is a very interesting comment. I’m going to have to percolate with this one :-) I believe in opposition being required for balance, yet I feel resistant to also seeing myself as an extrovert because those activities are so exhausting. Could be exhausting because of lack of practice? Maybe when we’re an introvert human we have an extrovert soul and vice versa??? Just thinking outside the box here… then again, I doubt there is such a thing as an introvert/extrovert soul in hindsight.
Hi Sara.
Thank you. That is so true that we can all do the same thing, we just experience different results. I know extroverts who enjoy their time alone, but in smaller amounts. I’m looking forward to taking the break, but wonder… will I be able to keep the computer off in the morning? Help!
Hi Jennifer.
Travelling takes a lot of energy and planning. I can understand you needing to take a break after that much travelling. It makes sense too if you travel in spurts because you aren’t used to it and are more sensitive to it. I’m glad you are taking care of yourself.
Hi Tammy.
I love what you’ve said here! “I just try to be whatever I am at the given moment.” What a powerful statement. I’m going to focus on that one today. Thanks.
I’m curious to hear more about your passion as a photographer. Will I be seeing some of this on your blog perhaps… hint, hint… wink, wink…
Very nice work, Davina. Thank you.
Oddly enough, when I interact personally, I am an introvert. Yet, as an author, talking about one of my books, I am am quite another animal.
I nurture my introvert with 8 hr walks in the mountains, writing novels, meditating, and enjoying the sanctuary of my home with my wife.
blessings to you and all you hold dear,
CG
CG Walters’s last blog post..CelebraZine 06Feb09
In the moment is the only way to go for me. I hope you do give it a try.
You can find the beginning of my photography journey by clicking on the link at the top of my blog. I was recently invited to join a group called Aminus3. Many are writers/photographers and many just tell stories with their pictures. I feel like a new person over there. It is wonderful. I will be sharing many of the writer/photographers through links on my blog Monday. Go over there and click on some of my comments. You will feel as though you have traveled the world.
Have a wonderful and peaceful weekend. I am currently doing Algebra with my son. UGH. A non-stressful Friday night.
Cricket/A Day to Share with Tammy’s last blog post..Frosty the Snowman continues
Like you, I’m definitely reading less blogs than I’d like to. I have been more or less consistent in switching my laptop off by 11pm this year and a few times by 9 pm. I find that without nurturing myself, I am less effective. I spend 2-3 hours sometimes meditating, inner work and reading.
Going by my own experience, I’d say that you are off on a good plan. You’d find yourself with more energy, more love to share, joyous and fulfilled. It’s all about BEing.
I used to think that I need to stay put by my laptop. That the more time I spend working, the more money I’d make. I now choose to think otherwise. Without BEing, I cannot be Having.
I’d still be visiting your site, even if you have less time to visit mine :-)
Evelyn Lim’s last blog post..Wings Of Love
Hi Davina, I arrived at your blog via ‘Jungle of life’.
Great article.
I have two sides to me, some call it a split personality. I am an introvert and extrovert. I spend a great deal of time alone writing, reading, walking and talking to myself (I promise i’m not mad). But I also love meeting new people, trying new things and talking about current affairs.
I have found that I am reading too many blogs and spending too much time on blogcatalog rather than drafting posts. Once I go on one blog I often find another interesting blog in their comment or blogroll section, just like I found your blog today.
Michelle – Lifeposter
Hi CG.
Welcome and thanks for your comment! That is interesting what you’ve said about being an introvert with people and an extrovert when talking about one of your books — “quite another animal”, LOL. I think I understand that. Your passion for your books launches you up and out. I love how you nurture your introvert — 8-hr walks in the mountains, yes!
Hi Tammy.
Thanks for the info about Aminus3. This is obviously a passion of yours — I can sense how excited you are about this. As for Algebra… well… no comment ;-)
Hi Evelyn.
I just love what you’ve said here — “Without Being, I cannot be Having”! I think what you’ve said makes SO MUCH sense about not having to work hard to be financially successful. We tend to get caught in that belief that we have to work hard. Thank you!
And that is so sweet what you’ve said about still Being here even though I might be slowing down the reading. I want to make an effort still to get to everyone… just maybe not each and every post. :-)
Hi Michelle.
Welcome! Any friend of Lance’s is a friend of mine :-) LOL about talking to yourself — me too. You’re probably another one of those lucky people who have a good balance between introversion and extroversion.
I know what you mean about finding so many blogs through other blogs. Can you imagine if we checked out every commenter? (Not that I haven’t wanted to.) We’d never sleep, eat, or leave our computer.
Welcome back to the land of the being. All is well here.
Hi Davina…
Just visiting and enjoying your pages! BTW, I love the photo you picked for this post! :)
The Mega Extrovert,
Henie
Hi Tom.
Thanks :-)
Hi Henie.
I’m touched, that you keep coming back for more :-) Yes, I love that photo too. I pretty much landed on it during the first couple of minutes of my search. Usually image searches take way longer!
Most people would think I a an extrovert, yet I would say that I am an introvert challenging myself each day to be an extrovert. A very thought provoking post. Thank you!
Hi Davina,
I’m an Introvert, but trained to jump into Extrovert at a moment’s notice. My husband thrives on people, but I find the need to recharge after much interaction.
Yes, the blog world demands a lot for a certain kind of success. I’m stepping out of it for a bit myself. I’ve felt like I’ve been on a treadmill — or hamster wheel — in some ways, so time to renew, refresh, and reboot.
Hello Davina,
I am an introvert with an introvert family except for one hyper active extrovert. I am the family extrovert too keeping people connected to the outside world and other people.
I am loving being home and blogging and not being on such a pace in the outer world.
I always think if I am busy doing then I will make money and be ok – or the harder I work it will pay off – then I get over extended and close to burnout and can’t get done what I wish I could to prove to myself that I am worth while
I can’t stand clutter, and mess…I can hardly wait to get all the tax work done, because it makes so much pressure all the piles of receipts etc.
Between the Internet being down, and the email problems I have had and my IT person being too busy, and my pulled muscle of sleep interrupt – us My comments are way down.
I am still reading and commenting daily but they are not going back up…I think it would help if I was on twitter more….but that kind of drives me crazy too…
Then of course, I am now working two blogs…and learning how!
I love my 3 mile walks in the mornings…alone…
Good luck…and take care…
Hi Mark.
You’re welcome. I hope your introvert enjoys the wild ride of extroversion :-)
Hi Lori.
It’s great that you can see and acknowledge your natural way, and share some of your husband’s time with people too. That sounds like a healthy balance.
Hi Patricia.
You’re a very busy introvert! Still with those Internet problems too – yikes. Maybe… just maybe, there is a message there for you in relation to what you’ve said about burnout??? Time to walk away for a couple of days… even from the taxes.
I hope to be back reading and commenting in another day or so. I know what you mean about things “sinking” when you are distracted by other areas of life. But, you have to take care of yourself. Your 3-mile walk sounds like a perfect way to start the day.
Thanks! I guess we all have our little pecadilloes about us. I have learned to force myself not to be shy, and after a while it must’ve rubbed off on me!
Hi Jannie.
Good for you for overcoming your shyness. That is definitely a result of practice and learning to be comfortable with who you are. Society has a tendency to look down on shyness — it is more of a state of anxiety and nervousness than it is introversion though. I’ve finally learned the difference. I’ve had people comment many times that I’m “quiet”, but it’s not because I’m feeling shy — it’s just who I am. Introverts need quiet time to recharge.
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