A writer who blogs
The Morning Muse is a new feature I’m offering on this blog.
When I first started blogging I was delightfully immersed in the process of writing. Then I got serious and shifted my focus to writing for business. I’ve still enjoyed the writing but something has been missing.
On my previous blog Loving Pulse, my first two posts were The Eye of the Storm and The Fire’s Dance. The image I used for The Fire’s Dance is a photo I took of a wall hanging in my living room, and my avatar is cropped from that photo.
I was moved while writing those two posts. Promoting my business was not the motive.
A renewed connection
Somewhere along the way, in my efforts to promote life coaching and editing, I lost something.
I lost the connection with what fills me up — writing just for the sake of writing. Writing to see what message is there. These messages move me and inspire me beyond comprehension. They remind me that I AM connected. I am not alone.
The words that flow from my Self are inspired from somewhere that I don’t fully understand and my life feels empty when I deny this experience.
After a coaching call last night I committed to write each morning this week for just 10 minutes. I’ve been so distracted with business and my fear of survival, that this activity keeps falling through the cracks. I’ve indeed been running on empty.
My coach is holding me accountable for my writing because that is what I do. I’m a writer. It is as natural to me as walking and breathing. It’s not about skill, or grammar, or punctuation… or SEO for crying out loud! It’s not about ego. It’s about connection. It’s about expression. It’s about sharing a message.
When I’m writing from that mystical place, I feel appreciation and compassion. I wrote the following entry this morning and although my goal was to write for 10 minutes, I ended up writing for almost a half hour. I have made some minor edits to this but for the most part, it is as I wrote in my journal this morning.
I won’t post each entry I write, because my intention is to maintain a posting schedule of once or twice a week. This first entry is dedicated to my life coach Ciel.
Moving beyond the emptiness
My days are filled with emptiness. What a contradiction. Filled up on empty.
Here’s an afterthought… when you’re running on empty, there can’t be much fuel can there? And that’s gotta keep a person stuck in one place. With no fuel, you’re not gonna get very far.
What is contained in this emptiness that fills my days? Fear. Anger. Self-doubt. But if emptiness is just space, and if my days are filled with these things but yet empty, then these things must not be real. They are illusions.
My days have been invested in fear, anger and self-doubt — that’s where my attention has been. I’ve been listening to the illusion. Letting it define me. It’s nothing so I’m nothing.
I am denying what is already here. How can my days be empty if I’m in them?
Instead of reaching into space… into emptiness, (there is nothing to grab onto there anyway), why not stop looking beyond myself? Beyond Self can’t be defined. The intellect can’t go beyond Self.
I’ll be better off looking at what is here now. What IS here now? I’m living and breathing. My mind is allowing the space to envelop both of us. I’m writing. Words are flowing from this space.
I’m awake. This is sacred time. I’m not trying to fill it, I’m letting it fill me. It flows through me.
There really is nothing else but Self and Time, unfolding together. Discovering each other. There is a certain rhythm in allowing the Self to be present. Heard. Seen. Felt. Spoken.
When the Self is present, emptiness rests.
Why do you write?
What fills your space?
Photo credit: Anosmia’s Photostream
Linda
Barbara Swafford
Deb Dorchak
Tony Single
Chris Edgar
Sara
Jeffrey Willius
Doug Gene
{ 23 comments }
Wow Davina. This post speaks powerfully. I was bowled over by the concept of you not filling time, but time filling you. I think I also try to fill time with ‘meaningful’ activities, forgetting that sometimes it is enough to just be, and let time flow through me.
This is one of the most beautiful posts I’ve read in a long time. You are truly a writer. Thanks for this.
Davina, being open brings you to the answers you seek. You are opening yourself more and raising awareness to new levels. A person never loses that “connection” to self. What you perceive at a given moment is always a conscious and/or unconscious choice. Selective amnesia kicks in due to some level of fear. As you evolve to explore what holds you back, then you can deepen insight into yourself. To brainstorm why you think you are not doing what resonates or, to list feelings you seem to be experiencing, offers clues to the next step.
Davina, I’m so happy to see this side of you again. Welcome home! These words stood up and waved their arms at me: “unfolding together,” “discovering,” “rhythm” and “allowing.” While beautiful words, placed here they are so full of meaning, pertinent meaning.
Oh Davina,
Writing is too my sacred time. Just yesterday I was writing a letter. One of the characters in my novel, a lighthouse keeper apprentice, was writing to his mother on shore. It did felt like I was there, out of the ordinary world, into one of my own fantasy. And it’s not about escaping anything, it’s about the joy of creating.
A writer like you, must understand.
It’s so true, when you’re writing for others, it doesn’t necessarily tap into what’s meaningful or fulfilling for you. But when you’re writing for yourself, it often fulfills others, as this beautiful post did for me. It reminded me that, before everything else, I began blogging to express myself.
This is so powerful. I think we all get lost in the SEO, comments, etc of blogging. Then wonder where our joy, creativity and passion went. I think it’s all about balance.
Thanks for inspiring me to stay in touch with my True Self.
Davina,
I love this line, “I’m a writer. It is as natural to me as walking and breathing.” It is SO true of you. Your writing always soothes me, even when you’re writing about struggling with something. It’s a quiet fountain of thoughts.
Regarding your assignment for yourself…YOU GO GIRL! You’re off to a good start. I’m glad that you will continue to share yourself with us.
“I’ll be better off looking at what is here now. What IS here now? I’m living and breathing. My mind is allowing the space to envelop both of us. I’m writing. Words are flowing from this space.” An amazing writer you are! Thank you!
Hi Davina – I was wondering how you’d cope with writing on your own business blog, as opposed to the creative stuff you used to write but it seems like you’re doing just fine.
I did not know coaches had coaches. I guess it makes sense that you would need one. I’ve always wondered if shrinks also have their own shrinks too. I think it would be a real struggle to have the problems of all those people going round in your head and no way of unloading them.
For your questions – why do I write? I guess because I can and because I enjoy it. I do find it more difficult to write when I’m not feeling so great though – it used to be the other way round.
What fills my space? I don’t think I’m so great at filling space – although I never feel bored. I’m getting quite good at not filling space by dwelling on problems – but if I’m not feeling so great and don’t feel like writing or reading, I do tend to read a lot of trivial stuff and look at pictures a lot. I think I really need to feel my space by getting out of the house a bit more. I only wish the weather was more inviting.
Hi Daphne.
Wow, thank you for your amazing comment. I’m grateful for you sharing how this affected you.
Hi Liara.
When I read your comments I have a picture in my mind of a river flowing. You are that river. You have such a gentle and powerful way of writing.
Hi Julie.
There’s no place like home :-) I can see you waving back at those words, LOL.
Hi Miguel.
I do understand what you are saying. There’s no escaping the journey of creating. Those characters in your novel are parts of you.
Hi Dot.
I’m glad this had value for you. Expression is so important… and no one can do it like you better than you can.
Hi Tess.
You’re welcome :-) Yes, the “thinking” about the mechanics of it all can get in the way big time!
Hi Sara.
“A quiet fountain of thoughts” — I love this metaphor. Like a waterfall or a fountain, words too can be soothing and mesmerizing. Thank you!
Hi Mark.
Thank you so much! It satisfies me when I know the writing is enjoyed by others. The connection is priceless.
Hi Cath.
Oh yes, coaches sure do work with coaches. It’s more about choosing to coach with another, rather than needing to though. It gives more perspective, support, and not to mention… accountability. Needing has the connotation that a person will lean on a coach, and that’s not the case. We can all lean on friends for a lot, but it’s not always the best option when you want honesty or objectivity, or privacy for that matter.
You definitely have a way with the written word Cath. Your blog practically jumps off my screen when I’m reading it :-) Do you still have a novel in the works?
I think it’s a good idea to take a mental holiday from the serious stuff and the learning and just look at pictures or read trivial stuff. I’ve found that when I’m not trying to figure things out, the answers come. Getting outside definitely will wake you up and expand your space, especially if you go somewhere new. Tomorrow the sun will shine. Yes?
Davina! You write so beautifully. I’m glad you’re doing this.
I can totally relate to losing your joy of writing once you think about it more as a business and less as a hobby. I am working on finding my balance too.
Hi there Vered.
Thank you for saying so. I appreciate when you share the more personal side of you… especially when you are writing about your children and how much you love them.
Davina!
I love this…”There really is nothing else but Self and Time, unfolding together.”
For me, it’s not even a question of “why I write” or when…I have no reasons nor questions for I simply write…I write for the pure pleasure of it…I write to massage my soul and kindle my spirit within! :~)
I very much enjoyed this post, Davina…thank you!
“A writer simply writes while the pen follows frantically!” ~Henie~
Hi Davina – you really are a born writer – your piece is beautiful – love the “There really is nothing else but Self and Time, unfolding together. Discovering each other. There is a certain rhythm in allowing the Self to be present. Heard. Seen. Felt. Spoken.”
I’m not like you and Dot – I don’t jet fulfillment from writing for myself. At school I couldn’t write at all – I missed out on a scholarship because I just couldn’t write an essay. I’m more a communicator – when I need to communicate something the writing (or speaking) comes – from being a teacher, and now blogger, I have learned to trust that.
As for what fills my space, I really believe we find fulfillment from acting on our intuition moment to moment – I really have found this works – it’s the act of following this guidance itself that provides the fulfillment.
I lived for many years by myself with very little money and very little contact with anyone – I kept exploring and practicing what I was learning and now things are going much better on the “outside”.
Moving post, Davina. Fear is a crippler – isn’t it?
You are a gifted writer – keep writing – the rest will follow!
Hi Henie.
Thank you. This is a great way to put it — “you write to massage your soul.” Hey, you know… I just had a thought about that… you’re also allowing your soul to massage you by writing :-)
You write some pretty awesome quotes Henie — “A writer simply writes while the pen follows frantically!” Love it!
Hi Robin.
I’m glad you enjoyed reading. You share a lot of knowledge on your blog so I can see you’re a good communicator. You recognize what’s important for you to share and you just do it. You’ve shared a huge piece of wisdom here — “I really believe we find fulfillment from acting on our intuition moment to moment.” Very encouraging. Thank you.
Hi Kathy.
Yep, fear is a four-letter word! But then again… so is the “L” word. So, never mind — thought I had something witty going there :-) Thanks for the encouragement.
Hello Davina,
What a deeply moving way to express yourself and “share” your inner thoughts here. That is such an important aspect of life – to look within, to be true to ourselves and to just be.
I love how you experienced writing – that is how I feel, just let the words flow and enjoy! All the rest? It may come, and it may not, but it is about finding and maintaining that depth of life that gives it and us great meaning!
I hope that you continue to expand your spirit and grow to realize how much you are actually already full of – we are never really empty, we may only think we are. This is such a beautiful emotionally connecting piece – thank you!
Davina, there is no doubt that you are a terrific writer. Even on this blog, it’s obvious to see. However, it’s important to feel connected. So every once in a while, even though we may be mainly writing for business, it’s a good idea to renew ourselves again.
Hi Davina.
This poem explains why I do my work.
In that dark lonesome place between a dream dreamed and a dream realized,
I have left a little light for you so you will know that someone cares and believes in your dream.
Just where it becomes the most dark and difficult to find your way, there is the light I left for you.
It will light your way, through the doubt, the confusion, and the fears,
It will stay with you all the way to the realization of your dream.
And when your dream has come true, please go back to that darkest place
where you have been,
And set the little light there to give heart to the next sweet soul that braves the path to his or her dreams.
Dreamers are the architects of greatness. There wisdom lies within their souls.
Dream long enough and hard enough and your dream can be attained.
by Unknown Author
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Hi Evita.
I can appreciate what you’ve said about how it may come, and it may not. That’s a good way to put it — it’s easy to expect that it will come and this only sets us up for disappointment. Yes, we all could be a little bit more “full of ourselves” :-)
Hi Evelyn.
Thanks. You’re so right about feeling connected and making the time to renew ourselves. I think in this day and age business tends to take up so much of our time it is easy to get lost.
Hi Giovanna.
Welcome! Thanks for sharing such a lovely poem. It illustrates to me how we each light the way for the next person through keeping our dreams alive. This is so powerful. “Dreamers are the architects of greatness.” Wow!
You are truly a gifted writer Davina. This is beautiful is what you have shared with us. Lately I have been drawn back into my photography. Both are a huge release and something I need in which to be happy.
I hope you continue to connect with yourself in the moment. In the end all we have are tiny windows of moments.
Thanks Cricket!
Photography is a love of mine too and I don’t do it as much as I’d like. Congrats to you for finding your way back to it. You have found the channel for your expression if it makes you happy.
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