More than just imagination
“Heaven and Earth can never meet as long as you hold even one person outside of your heart.”
Devrah Laval, author of The Magic Doorway into the Divine
This evening I was reflecting on a conversation I had with a friend not all that long ago. Actually, this conversation was between my life coach Ciel and myself.
This is the second time I’ve mentioned our session this week and it’s because it was a particularly good one. It evoked a lot of insights for me.
Admittedly, my life has been more than a bit challenging this past year, and some days I’m just plain worn out. I won’t go into detail because it’s important to not always “go there”. Going there too much only reinforces it more — it becomes a perpetual cycle.
And so, here I was (a lover of metaphors) using a metaphor to describe to her how I was feeling on that particular day.
“Ciel,” I said, “I feel like I’m on a sinking ship. I just don’t have the energy to stay afloat anymore.”
Then she said, “Yes, but there are life boats.”
Ok, so I had forgotten about the life boats. I was hooked on the sinking ship idea. Very intent on reinforcing the “truth” of my situation.
“I hadn’t considered getting on a life boat,” I said. Resistance was perched on both shoulders, whispering in my ears.
“Well,” said Ciel, “What if you were on one? … Tell me why you should be on a life boat?”
I realized that I didn’t want to be. I really was on a sinking ship. I was living the metaphor and couldn’t abandon ship because I’d abandoned Self.
“Tell me why you should be on one of those life boats?” She repeated.
“I don’t know why.” Silence.
“Ok, what if you were on a life boat. Why should you be saved.” I still didn’t know… or want to find out.
Ciel was determined. “Pretend that you know.”
Ok, I’m really good at pretending, so this would be easy. “I should be on the life boat, because… I am here. I’m just here.”
“What else?” I hated when she did that.
“I can’t quit.”
“What else?”
“I have a lot to offer.” As I heard these words, the metaphor of the sinking ship… sunk. We continued to discuss all that I appreciated about myself. Basically, we were refilling my fuel tank. I’d forgotten to take the time to do this and had simply run out of gas. It is really easy to take yourself for granted.
I’d abandoned all that I believed about myself. When a person can’t even hold themselves in their heart, how could they possibly attract their dreams? How would they even recognize their dreams? They’d be like two ships passing in the night.
When life becomes overwhelming it is even more important to remind ourselves of what we already have, and not focus so much on what we’re not getting or what isn’t working. It’s important to focus on what has been accomplished.
Some days you might feel like you want to give up. But do you really? Deep down? You can’t honestly say you want to quit. Can you?
What if you simply gave yourself permission to quit. How would that feel? Personally, when I have tried this… when I have given myself permission to quit… I don’t want to. Knowing that is half the battle.
The path might not always be clear, but I know that I’ll never find the way if I abandon myself.
Do you take yourself for granted?
Where do you shine? What talents do you have?
Photo credit: aeu04117’s Photostream
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Hi, Davina,
I’m so glad to see this. Over the past few months, I’ve sensed your situation and understood your feelings, and now all I can say is you are so fortunate to have Ciel’s friendship and gently persistent coaching. Not to forget YOU, either. Subconsicously, you were aware and open to seeking a way out so you didn’t resist those lifeboats for too long.
You were very honest, here: “I realized I didn’t want to be.” How true for all of us! Sometimes, we find ourselves in periods when we are SO tired, so physically, mentally, and emotionally drained that there’s just no oomph left, only a tiny spark desperately needing a little fanning. (That’s Ciel’s “I hated when she did that” prodding and poking.)
Someone I know had a deep personal crisis, but finally was able to lift herself enough to acknowledge she needed to stop thinking about what she no longer had and start paying attention to the act of living. She’s comfortable now, focusing on what she has, the good things about her life. But she’s not very fulfilled. It’s like her fulfillment comes from knowing her past accomplishments and she’s forgotten to look to the future. She’s stuck on the shore where the lifeboats landed, and she’s happy there, and there she stays.
You will not do that. ;) Once you’ve had your breather, that space to catch your breath, you’ll feel your own inner coach step forward ready to lead the way into the future.
No experience is for naught. We learn valuable things from each, things that help us later and that help us help others, too. We grow. Children don’t own the patent on growing pains. ;)
Hey Davina, you’re so right about us forgetting to re-fuel our tank, and abandoning ourselves in effect. You’ve just reminded me that I’ve stopped reading for pleasure and I need to get back to that. Thanks for sharing this!
Do you take yourself for granted? Of course I do, but that’s not necessarily bad. I never really feel the need to give up.
Where do you shine? What talents do you have? I like to share things I’ve found and do a little bit of digging to learn and find out some truths behind whats in the media and/or popular history.
This was really touching, Davina. It’s so nice that you’re revealing more of yourself lately. I felt sad that you were having so much trouble maintaining your hope. I’ve gone through this so many times, and it still comes up. I finally said to myself, okay, you want to commit suicide? Then visualize it. I began to, and realized that I was absolutely terrified of dying. That was the end of the suicidal thoughts — I knew and couldn’t deny that I wanted to live.
Another thought is that going through times like this will give you a deeper understanding of clients who go through times like this.
{hugs}
Dot
Hey Julie.
This is why I believe so much in coaching. We can’t all be on top of the world all the time. Having someone nearby who can objectively “be our lifeboat” is so important when we hit those rough spots. Family and friends might just tell you what they think you want to hear, or just mirror how you are feeling. Some people think they have to do it all for themselves, but it’s not always so — it can turn around quicker with a little help. And, sometimes it’s as simple as a shift in perception like what happened here. Thanks for your encouragement hon :-)
Hi Daphne.
Hey, you’re welcome! I’ve been down THAT road before, LOL. Hope you enjoy your reading today girl.
Hey there Mike.
It’s good how you’ve put this. We get to a certain point when we live with unconscious competence… meaning we’re acting naturally, doing our thing without realizing it… without trying. It gets problematic when we forget to appreciate our accomplishments and strengths just when we need them.
I enjoy reading what you share on your blog. I’m still thinking about that post you shared about the sun and its current cycle of low sunspot activity. I even forwarded your article to a friend.
Hi Dot.
I’m so glad that you came to this realization! Through reading your blog I can see you have so much to offer. We each take up a space in life that nobody else can fill. And each day is a new day… if we allow it. Hugs to you too.
Thanks for your encouragement Dot. I’m definitely learning to trust and keep moving forward. You’re right, this will help tremendously when I connect with clients who need this type of understanding from a coach.
“When life becomes overwhelming it is even more important to remind ourselves of what we already have” – This is so true and the only way to survive rough times. I love that you told her “I have a lot to offer.” I love that you believe in yourself. I love that you are reminding us to believe in ourselves too!
Hi Davina…
You are not alone…I call these sort of days for me as “a lead ball pressing against my soul!” People who are close to me know this and have heard me say this many times…but that’s just it. When I allow myself to say this out loud, it then gives me the vehicle of acceptance that I am still ok even though I am having an off day. Just hearing myself say this makes me roll up my sleeves, spray the darn lead ball with WD40 and roll if off my soul down the hill!:~) And soon after, synaptically, I find my thoughts shifting to ultimate gratefullness for who I am “on or off!” It’s all a part of us…it’s all a part of life!
It’s being grateful for what you have rather than longing for things you do not have.
“If your heart isn’t open, you can’t pour into it the smiles it so deserves!” ~Henie~
“Giving yourself permission to quit” is really something I’d never thought about before. I do believe that some things are truly worth letting go but we don’t always realize until they after they’re gone, like ex-husbands or things we felt were burningly urgent at the time.
I believe the things that we really want will keep resurfacing — those we should keep after.
And I find it so sweet that a life coach has a life coach :)
Hi Mike.
Well, this sounds interesting. I’ll be curiously awaiting this new blog of yours.
Hi Vered.
Life is so much more worthwhile when you can share encouragement with other people. If I am encouraging folk to believe in themselves then sharing this was priceless.
Hi Henie.
You know, you couldn’t be more right on with your comment. Saying it out loud makes a world of difference. I’ve considered this before that the “resistance” for lack of a better word, is just energy that is there and needs to be released. And because we’re physically aware, we feel it and personalize it. Perhaps we don’t have to “deal” with everything. Energy just needs to move.
Hi Jannie.
LOL at your comment about letting go of ex-husbands. I’ve never been married, but my mother was… 4 times. She got pretty good at letting go :-)
That IS a good point you’ve made… the things we really want keep surfacing. And, yes this life coach has her own life coach. It’s a professional partnership… that’s what it is. Even the pro sports teams have coaches to keep them spot on… keep those shoes polished, etc., blah, blah, blah :-)
I love the honesty in this post Davina. It feels so real, and maybe it’s because I can relate. I’ve been there. Where it seems like why should I keep fighting. And yet, especially in matters of the heart, it is worth fighting for. Thank you for this!
Oh, and what Jannie said – I think it’s so cool that you’re a coach and have a coach as well – it just shows that this is something everyone can benefit from!
Hi Davina,
I know what it’s like to want to give up, to be on the edge and want to give one last push into the abyss. I was 23 and my children were 5, 3 and the twins were 1. I was so exhauseted and of course could see no end in sight. I would cry at night and my husband would tell me the only thing I had to do was wake up in the morning and put one foot in front of the other. And that is what I did.
I really had a crazy life until I got some relief 4 years later when the twins went to school. Now we are all grown up and doing well:)
So on your toughest days remember “just put one foot in front of the other.”
I went to a therapist for the first time when I was 27 and as a coach I’ve had a coach as well. That’s what makes us so good!
Davina, you are your own lifeboat. You are the captain of your own ship. You choose the vessel, the nature of your path and how you will learn to weather storms. You are energy. You are love. You are capable, inspired and self-directed. All of it is becoming clearer to you.
Hi Lance.
You are welcome! You’re right, it IS real cause we are here and matters of the heart are worth fighting for. It just makes sense that when you’re in the game, you’re in the game. Hey, we can sit and watch, wait for the next round, but it’s most fun jumping right in and playing.
Hi Tess.
Sorry, you went into my spam folder, but I’ve rescued you :-) Thank you for sharing your experience. Your husband was there for you in a wonderful way. Sounds like he was empathetic and patient. It can be difficult when you’re right in the middle of it… but it sure feels good on the other side doesn’t it?
Hi Liara.
You’ve made me cry — thank you :-) And thank you for reminding me that I’m the captain of my ship. A terrific analogy.
Hi Davina!
First off what an amazing quote to start off with!!! So powerful and so true. Heaven and Earth can be and are one….but it is us who perceive differently.
Second off, the most amazing life lessons on metaphors I heard from Anthony Robbins. Our metaphors can actually many times make us or break us as your story eludes to. Thus I have since myself become very aware and conscious of what metaphors I personally use. Is life a battle or is it a blissful vacation? Etc…etc…
And last but not least, I have to say that today I am at peace no matter what as I see myself and each moment of life as a precious moment. Nothing is taken for granted, at least nothing that really matters and I have to tell you it has helped me so much to live this way, that there really are no more sinking ships, or battles, or “bad” days. Every moment that is part of OUR LIFE journey is a precious blessing.
Davina,
I smile as I read Tess’ comment – I remember those days so well. As I look back on those days – the days when my three children took “shifts” to ensure I didn’t get more than 3 hours of sleep in a single stretch and my husband was on the road constantly for his job – I marvel at what I was able to accomplish.
At the time, I couldn’t see how “high” the seas were. I couldn’t see that the act of SURVIVAL was a feat of great strength. Looking back, I can now see clearly how unrealistic my expectations were not only of myself, but also the circumstances. At the time, I was constantly frustrated that I didn’t accomplish MORE.
Remember even a luxury ocean liner can feel like a dinghy when a storm is raging on the high seas!
Oh, and to take the “ship” analogy a step further – some people never venture out into the ocean with their boats. They stay in small ponds and tiny streams. They never find the river which leads to the ocean which in turn, leads to adventure on the high seas! On the contrary, those boat captains are rarely in water that is over their head and they will never experience the great storms one can encounter out in the open ocean.
Oh – did I mention that when you stick to those small ponds and tiny streams that the scenery doesn’t change? It’s very safe – and very limiting at the same time.
You’re on an adventure now Davina and it’s very “exciting”. It may feel overwhelming at times – but I’m sure you’re going to look back on these days and realize that you had to take your ship out on open waters so you could reach the magical destination which awaits you!
I can’t WAIT to get the email from you which reads, “I’ve arrived and you were right – it was worth the trip!!!” I don’t expect to get that email tomorrow – but I know you will write it.
I have just recently been down that path. It is so hard not to quit and just sink. But then fear usually takes over me…and I don’t want to sink.
For about three weeks now I have taken more time to get back to the things I love. My garden, my walks, my painting, just away from stress in general. Sure I have my work, my children, clothes, etc. but I mean really let go and just connect with myself. I feel so much better now. Better than I have felt in a long time.
Maybe it is Spring. Maybe it is just something we each have to go through in order to grow.
You need to hang on, take some time for you and you will be floating again. I am a huge believer in having “faith” in what you believe. Have “faith” in yourself and you will be just fine. Just fine.
(I am glad to see you opening up. We can all connect. We are all human with emotions.)
Hugs to you.
Hi there Davina – it’s always interesting to hear how other people are doing, without the masks. Thanks! I find that re-reading the books that put me into my higher self always get me on the right path if I am going “off” – which for me are the Ken Carey ones and The Door of Everything.
love from Rob
I appreciate your honesty that you’ve got a coach. It does not mean that just because you are a coach, you don’t need one yourself for specific issues or periods.
I see mine when I hit a blank. It takes me a shorter time to get back on track as compared to if I am to do it on my own. It helps when my coach is able to advise me from a spiritual perspective. I find that I am so much richer because of her wisdom. They inspire me to practice meditation and follow a path that resonates intuitively.
Yes, I have gone through a number of times when I wanted to quit. But as I thought about it, I asked myself if quitting was really the answer. Have I really failed? The answer to all my questions would invariably be no. The experiences I have been through may on my first look appear like failures but they are really feedback in how to get things right. “There is no such as thing as failure, merely feedback” so the saying goes.
It seems that you’re in good hands with your coach. I have absolute faith that you’re not going to abandon yourself. You may appear to be having a hazy road right now but the fog will soon clear. “This too will pass!”
Take care,
Evelyn
I knew you’d end with a happy ending. :) We all can handle so much more than we sometimes think we can. Resilience is our gift. All of us.
Hi Evita.
Yes, this quote is from a deck of inspiration cards created by the woman who quoted it. There are 53 more where that came from. “Keys to the Magic Doorway — Mystic Inspirations”. One of the contributors to this is a Vedic Astrologer I saw a few years ago. I’ll probably be using more of these in the future.
I love Anthony Robbins — just followed him on Twitter. He has over 70K followers and is following 30 — Too funny!
Life can be the way you describe — no more “bad” days. You have shared a good perspective of self acceptance Evita. You are IN the moment. Thank you! I’d like to hire you to sail my ship, lol.
Hi Kathy.
Ok, tears are streaming down my face right now. You’ve gone and done it too :-) What a beautiful comment! I absolutely love the metaphors you’ve used here. What would we do without metaphors? How would we get our message across?
You have been through some rough storms and have come out on the other side with tons of wisdom — an island of wisdom :-) You were pretty hard on yourself weren’t you? Sounds like you had forgotten all that you had already accomplished… you built that boat that you were sailing in. As you say, you chose to get out on the ocean. Thank you for the continued support and encouragement.
Hi Cricket.
Sorry, but I had to chuckle… you were too afraid to sink to let it happen. Fear was your buddy! :-) I celebrate you for taking care of yourself and growing into your interests again, i.e., the photography that I know you have revisited. You are allowing yourself to grow and celebrate the joy in just being you. Way to go! I imagine that this has a rippling effect on your family too… and that comes back to you tenfold.
Hi Robin.
You’re welcome. The sheer act of opening up and sharing is healing in itself. Thank you for reading about the journey. It helps a person to step outside of themselves. I have Ken Carey’s Starseed Transmissions. I haven’t read any of his other books, but I enjoy reading from that perspective — spending time with “truth”.
Hi Evelyn.
Thanks for your comment. I love hearing about other people who work with a coach, not because they “need” to but because they “choose” to. It just accentuates the positives that you are already living. And, like you say, it takes you a shorter time to get to your destination. I’ve heard that phrase before “failure is feedback” — so true. And if you take a risk and fail, you just cross that item off your list and find the next. Eventually you’re bound to collect some successes on that list.
Hi Tom.
I agree. They say we are given what we CAN handle. It’s not always easy to hear that when you’re in the middle of the storm, but it does make a person stop and think, and take some responsibility for where they are. Thanks!
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