Control is the opposite of Yes
We are powerless to stop unwelcome change in our lives. The idea of unwelcome change ignites our imaginations and we habitually conjure up fearful and painful possibilities.
Human beings naturally avoid pain and move towards pleasure. But we seem to put more effort into avoiding the pain than creating the pleasure. Even pleasure itself becomes a way to hide from pain.
Accepting that we can’t control change in our lives is the first step to relaxing and freeing ourselves from worry.
We try to control because we want to avoid feeling pain. If everything turns out the way we would like, we feel safe. We don’t have to worry about anything.
We worry because we are afraid of failure. And yet failure humbles us and points us in a new direction… if we allow it.
We worry because we do not trust ourselves to handle what happens, or that what happens will be for the best.
5 ways to practice Yes
Worrying and trying to stay in control of what will happen is avoiding reality. This is our way of saying No and keeping ourselves stuck in a fearful place. We feel helpless and powerless.
We worry because we have not yet said Yes to the givens in life. By saying Yes we reconnect with our ability to make positive choices. We stop resisting.
There are 5 ways to say Yes and bring choice back into our lives.
1. Say yes to our imperfections — pass on the judgments
2. Say yes to our mistakes — give permission to try new things
3. Say yes to our experience — observe opportunities for growth
4. Say yes to our reality — be here now, not tomorrow or yesterday
5. Say yes to curiosity — relax the attachment to outcomes
We can shift our perspective from controlling who we are to being curious about who we could be.
“We do not let go of control; we let go of the belief that we have control.”
- David Richo
*The above material has been adapted and expanded on from David Richo’s The Five Things We Cannot Change… and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them — available from the Amazon link in the sidebar.
Breathe Easy — I am in the flow
How do you know when you are resisting the flow? Check out your posture. Are you hunched over your keyboard or steering wheel like you are in a race?
Are your hands relaxed or are your fingers curled into a fist? Is your jaw clenched, or your tongue pressed against the roof of your mouth? What about that tension in your shoulders? Are you holding your breath?
When you notice these symptoms remember the affirmation for Flow. Focus on the words and relax your breathing.
Go ahead.
“I breathe in the ability to go with the flow. I am filled with the confidence that I will be carried to exactly where I should be. I breathe out my desire to control everyone and everything.”
If you’ve been working with this affirmation this week you’ve already been practicing saying Yes!
On Sunday, the next affirmation will be published from the Breathe Easy Deck and the Enchanted World of Amy Zerner and Monte Farber.
The topic for Affirmation 2 is Floating. In the meantime, keep breathing and go with the flow.
What do you notice about yourself when you are resisting the flow?
What are you afraid of?
How do you manage your fears?
Note: This affirmation has been used with permission and cannot be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.
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Davina,
I’ve been saying the breathing affirmation several times a day, and it calms me down so much. ”
I breathe in the ability to go with the flow. I am filled with the confidence that I will be carried to exactly where I should be. I breathe out my desire to control everyone and everything.”
And I wrote that from memory, without looking at your post! Proof that I have been using it enough to internalise. Thanks so much for this meditation. It’s helped a lot!
Daphne’s last blog post..8 Lessons from the Lindy Hop
Davina,
I must admit I haven’t been practicing as much as I should. As you know, I’m traveling and trying to reorient myself in a different country. Excuses..excuses! Reviewing this affirmation makes me aware of how much easier I could travel and adjust…just by taking the time to practice three simple lines. I will do better:~)
I really liked your “5 Ways to Say Yes…” The word curiosity resonates with me, especially with my travels. Staying curious keeps me open to the newness around me without fear.
Thanks for this post. I’ll catch the Sunday one later in the week as I’ll be without Internet:~(
p.s. on the other hand, I now have more time to practice the first affirmation…right:~)
Sara’s last blog post..It’s okay to ask for help!
Davina, I love how you showcased some of our physical signals. Why in the world it took me so long to be aware of this, I’ll never know—-but once I noticed the relationship, the physical clues were like someone knocking at my door. “Hel-LO? Anyone paying attention in there?” Observing these things works wonders; we can turn ourselves around so much more easily when there’s a smaller build-up of “No” gunk to slough off. Thank you for pointing this out! ~ Julie
Julie’s last blog post..Making Life Beautiful for You
I’ve noticed that I’ve been resisting the present moment and the situation where I am. I say YES to the present moment and I conquer the world from where I currently am :-)
Jocelyn at I TAKE OFF THE MASK’s last blog post..Life Skills – Words of Wisdom to Live Life Fully!
Davina, this is an encouraging post. You have an uplifting way of showing people its okay to be and accept all they are. People commonly resist this. An additional step is to evolve in your thinking to no longer notice or even acknowledge imperfections. Rather than say ‘yes’ to qualities that evoke discomfort, you can come to view all qualities and experience as good and beneficial. You can come to not just belirve, but know perceived mistakes and time do not actually exist, except in the mind to create illusions.
Liara Covert’s last blog post..6 Ways to confirm your mystical side
Hi Daphne.
That’s great! It’s amazing isn’t it? Just 10 minutes in the morning is enough. I’m impressed that you’ve committed this to memory. Now it’s right there for you when you need it. Brilliant!
Hi Sara.
You can also “go with the flow” about your lack of practice. I’ve found that when I relax the “I should” the “I want” finds its way back naturally. You’ve made a good point about how curiosity invites newness without fear. Reminds me of children being fearless in their discovery. I’m thinking of you, exploring your new surroundings. Hope you’re having a good vacation.
Hi Julie.
You’re welcome. I love how you express yourself — Hel-LO, lol. Someone once told me that when we feel physical tension, to recognize that it is just energy that needs to move — just observe it, and let it go.
Hi Jocelyn.
I like your affirmation :-) Noticing is the trick to setting yourself free. It occurred to me while I was reading your comment (thank you), that we can’t handle our situation if we are outside of it somewhere in the past or the future.
Hi Liara.
I love what you’ve said about viewing qualities and experience as good and beneficial. Removing the judgment about whether something is negative or positive will allow a person to go with the flow. It is all a part of the process. I appreciate what you’ve added here. Thank you Liara!
This post is amazing! I love all of the ways you advise us to say yes. I tend to be a bit of a control freak at times, but this post really helped me realize that it’s okay to say yes, to embrace change, and to let life unfold as it should. I say YES! to this post. :)
Positively Present’s last blog post..the ABC’s of loving yourself
I’m getting better at saying yes to my imperfections, although I still often catch myself “punishing” myself with a harsh inner dialogue when I mess up.
Vered – MomGrind’s last blog post..Bloggers Who Quit
Clammy palms, labored breathing, redness in face and racing heart is me resisting the flow.
Luckily I can release, deflect or side-step my anger quite easily. But I’ve had to learn that.
So the nerves must be breathed away. In, out. Going with the flow. Being very aware of feelings, even stating them out loud helps me to be in the moment.
Jannie Funster’s last blog post..The CDs Have Landed!
Hi Davina. I feel we spend too much time trying to get the “perfect whatever” that we forget to enjoy life as it flows; even if it’s better than our “perfect whatever”
A fascinating bunch we humans are :)
Miguel de Luis’s last blog post..Thursday Haiku: The sun we create
Hi Davina,
What a fabulous lesson. When I’m resisting, I find myself turning inward, getting quiet, and if there’s too much going on around me, I feel myself getting “short”. Your post is a good reminded to breath and say yes to new opportunities.
Hi Dani.
Hey, glad you’ve enjoyed this one. It’s funny how we “think” we are controlling things, but really… we’re not always in the driver’s seat :-)
Hi Vered.
Some people rarely “catch” themselves, or live their entire lives believing those inner dialogues. Not you.
Hi Jannie.
That is true. Stating your feelings does keep you present. And I’ve found that when they are spoken, they don’t always seem as powerful as when we keep them silent. Interesting though… when affirmations are spoken aloud, they have a different effect. Hmmm.
Hi Miguel.
Yeah. We can’t see the forest for the trees. Never satisfied are we? :-) I say… fulfillment finds us when we stop looking for it.
Hi Barbara.
Glad you liked this lesson. It’s great to have enough awareness to realize when we are resisting. The resistance itself can become a new opportunity to practice something else. Funny how we have to remind ourselves to do something that comes naturally. (I just had to take a deep breath.) — :-)
Hi Davina – I think it is so important to be able to go with the flow – when the traffic doesn’t allow us to go where we wanted, we can go an alternate route and choose to enjoy it. So many people cotton on to the idea creative visualisation (that is what it used to be called before the law of attraction was coined) and think it means they can create the things they want – but they are often trying to control things from their ego, instead of tuning in to their intuition about what they want. I like the 5 ways to say yes!
Robin’s last blog post..Wanting To Look Young
It sounds corny, but when I’m faced with unpleasant changes, I try to tell myself it’s a challenge. And then I bitch about it to everyone who will listen. :-D
Dot’s last blog post..April Showers and May Flowers
Thanks for this post. Checking in with my body every once in a while as I’m working has been a very useful exercise — for a while I’ve had the practice of setting a timer to go off every 20-30 minutes to remind me to notice where my breathing may be tight, and let myself settle into this moment.
Hi Robin.
I love your analogy with the traffic and the ego. It makes a lot of sense what you’ve said about choosing an alternate route and enjoying it. I’m going to remember that the next time something doesn’t “go my way”. Thank you.
Hi Dot.
Lol, I just read your comment out loud to my brother and we are chuckling right now :-) With you of course, not at you. There is something to be said for going with the flow of a good “bitch session”.
Hi Chris.
You’re welcome. That’s a good idea to use a timer to remind yourself to check in. I know how easy it is to lose track of ourselves. I’m constantly reminding myself to exhale.
Hey Davina,
My life has been all about saying “yes” these days. Even though things have not gone as planned I can reflect back with no regrets. If I had never tried then I would have never known. If one just sits in a “no” frame” of mind we tend to drag ourselves down even further even though the “yes” ends up being the wrong thing. Somewhere along the the “balance” if found.
I love your 5 ways to say yes. I laugh when I can truly say I have tried all 5 over the past two weeks. Maybe that was my problem! LOL!
Great post Davina!
Happy Mother’s Day!
Cricket-Tammy’s last blog post..On the plane (Part II), Mistake of One Barefoot Woman
Hi Tammy.
Thanks — Happy Mother’s Day to you too! I hope you have a good one with your family. That’s interesting what you’ve said about how even the Yes can be “wrong”, (or at least, not what we expected). Makes me think that even when we get what we do expect, it’s not always going to make us happy.
I am enjoying the affirmations that you are posting. Love them, especially the latest one about breathing in stillness and breathing out attachments. Thanks!
Evelyn Lim’s last blog post..What Do You See if You Are Standing Next to God?
Hi Davina
It is such an important point that you make about running from the pain. It is so easy to constantly be on the escape instead of waiting for a moment, catching one’s breathe, and finding the path to where you want to be.
Juliet
LifeMadeGreat | Juliet’s last blog post..Coping With Praise
Hi Evelyn.
You’re welcome. I’m glad you are enjoying these — they’re brilliant.
Hi Juliet.
This scenario you’ve described sounds just like a dog chasing its tail. Dizzying :-)
Maybe the watercolor woman on brreating affirmation #2 is out on a cold winter day and that’s her breath.
Jannie Funster’s last blog post..Ordering The Funsterment
I love your pictures-where do you find them? I agree with the idea of saying yes. I also use words like “being with”, “embracing”, “allowing” but saying Yes is so much easier! It feels good too. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Jannie.
Ha, ha. Hey, I like that idea better than cigarette smoke.
Hi Cynthia.
You’re welcome. Most of the pictures I choose are from Flickr.com. Sometimes I’m lucky and find a good one within 10 minutes. Other times it can take an hour or more. When I saw this one, it took my breath away.
Your choices of words are soothing — “being with” is especially empowering. It sounds equally like a person is choosing to be with, and allowing the experience. Thanks. I say Yes to “being with” :-)
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