Positively Breathing — Please Love Me

Treat me nice

People are not loving and loyal to us all the time. We don’t act loving and loyal towards others all the time. It’s a simple fact of life. And, our egos are praying “please like me”, whether we are aware of it or not.

We subconsciously believe that we deserve to be treated well by everyone, all the time.

Some people will dislike us, lie, be hypocritical and break promises. We may feel betrayed, cheated and unworthy. We may even seek revenge.

With awareness and practice, we can come to accept this simple fact of life… that no one person was ever loved or treated respectfully by everyone.

The cycle can be broken — we will feel less unworthy and seek less revenge.  When we can accept this fact of life, we will be less likely to allow the actions of others to determine our self-worth.

4 signs the ego has surfaced

When we feel hurt by another person it could be that our ego has reared its “entitled and demanding head”.

If you hear yourself thinking the following, you are hearing your ego loud and clear.

1. I need to be able to control how other people react to me.
2. I am afraid that if everyone doesn’t accept and love me, I will not survive.
3. I am attached to my idea of who I am as a person.
4. I am entitled to being treated lovingly by everyone.

How can we be true to ourselves and co-exist with our egos, plus all the liars, cheats and hypocrites in this world? Accept the reality of what we “see” as our inadequacies and those of other people.

Find it in yourself

David Richo says,

“As we kindly accept the reality of others’ inadequacy, our own needs begin to change. We no longer need what cannot be had. …we reduce our unrealistic expectations…”

In his book The Five Things We Cannot Change… and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them, he says…

“Find it in yourself means finding it in the part of you that is committed to engaging in spiritual practices, not in the needy part of you that comes to the fore during a crisis or in desperation. You can learn to trust that there is a sane, wise, and nurturant resource within you. In fact, the more you know what you really want, the less desperately you need it. This happens because your self-esteem, confidence, and clarity grow.”

He gives a few suggestions about how to do this. I have listed (in part and condensed from my perspective), three of the eight tips from his book.

1. Say Yes to ourselves. Notice where your deepest values and wishes are, and follow them with an engaged focus. This practice of trying new things will encourage you to accept yourself as you are, while appreciating and valuing yourself completely.

2. See others as fellow pilgrims. Other people cannot complete you. They are not meant to give you comfort or answers — the shrine is in your own heart.

3. Make contact with nature in different ways every day. Nature is the mother of a sense of belonging, and that is a sense of self.

What else can you do to nurture that wise resource within yourself?

Practice this affirmation from the Breathe Easy Deck and the Enchanted World of Amy Zerner and Monte Farber.

“I breathe in tolerance for the weaknesses I see in others and in myself. I am filled with the realization that life is fragile. I breathe out all of my expectations.”

*The above material has been adapted and expanded on from David Richo’s The Five Things We Cannot Change… and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them.

On Sunday Affirmation 4 will be published here. The topic for the last affirmation in this series is Soul.

How committed are you to being self-nurturant? What works for you?

How many ways can you think of to say Yes to yourself today?

Photo Credit: Paha. Purchased from Dreamstime.com and used with permission. Illegal download and usage not allowed.

Tagged as: affirmations, breathe easy, breathwork, David Richo, ego, nurture, Positive Thinking