Stressed? Running in circles?
Ian was sitting across from me at my kitchen table. “The Round Table”, I call it fondly, in reference to King Arthur’s famed table. As its name suggests this table has no head, implying that everyone sitting around the table has equal status. Every voice is heard.
Ian was helping me use Symbolic Modelling, otherwise known as Metaphor Inquiry. We had been coaching around the stress I had been feeling and how it was manifesting in my life.
Earlier in our session I realized that I had allowed myself to become captivated by a metaphor; one of my own design. My stress had manifested as a lump in my throat, symbolic of me not fully expressing myself.
But there was still more I wanted to explore. I was sitting quietly with my thoughts and Ian waited. He was listening to the space around us; tuning in to the intuitive messages that were directing our session.
“What are you noticing now?” He inquired of my silence after a minute had passed.
It was like I had stepped outside of myself and was watching a vision of my current life. My answer was very clear: “I am running in circles.”
What else?
I felt a strong connection to what I called a “madman” chasing me. I was always a few steps ahead of him, but I was getting tired.
Because I was running, I was not focused or making clear choices about where I was going. There’s no telling how much I was missing while moving blindly at this rate of speed.
I repeated myself, “I am running in circles. This madman, no wait…” This image, now that I was actually focusing on it, had changed. “He’s not a madman after all, he’s a joker.”
“What does he want?”
“He just wants to talk; to be heard.” I was surprised by this. Subconsciously, I had been running from “something”, when all I needed to do was stop and connect with what I was running from.
What we run from can serve us if we trust ourselves. After all, what we are running from is of our own creation. I talked more about this energy that was chasing me. Where I felt it physically and how draining it was mentally and emotionally.
When the metaphor shifted from the madman to the joker, my fear lessened. I had stopped running, but it was still following me.
“What are you going to do now?”
The enchanting joker
I remembered my vision of fulfillment; the cabin with an enchanting wooden porch. I visualized myself there, thinking that if I didn’t stop running I might never find this place.
I saw myself relaxing, sitting on that deck drinking in the sunshine and sipping tea. I was feeling the energy of the joker more strongly now. This energy could serve me well, I knew that now.
I felt playful and ridiculous at the same time. I looked at Ian, smirking like a child who’s about to tell a secret.
“I’m going to invite this joker to tea.” I envisioned this joker and myself relaxing on my enchanted deck, sharing some good conversation.
Ian smiled back at me. “How is this different from the running?”
I was very aware of Ian sitting across from me, listening in silence. He was holding the space for the story to be told. It was as if I could hear the space around us — listening.
I reflected on how different this was from running. “I feel more grounded. I wasn’t being chased at all. It’s just that I was moving so fast I had lost sight of trust. Things seem tougher and we feel we have to try harder when we aren’t trusting.”
“What is the joker’s purpose?”
“To support me as a sounding board; to help me explore other perspectives so I don’t box myself in to any one possibility. And besides, they say in a game of cards that the joker is wild; it is the unknown and you can make it whatever you want.
On a side note: Come to think of it, it was mad that I was running from the unknown into the unknown, and not knowing it. Who was the real madman in this scenario anyway?
“What action are you inspired to take in the future when you feel yourself running in circles?” Ian asked.
There I was again, sitting on that deck sipping tea with the joker. I looked at Ian. He knew what I was going to say. “I will invite the joker for tea.” Just taking the time and making the space to connect and listen will move you forward without running.
I was again aware of the round table and feeling our intuitive energies playing off of each other. Messages were circulating and being heard, just as it should be at the Round Table. No one was running in circles.
Do you sometimes find yourself seemingly running in circles?
What are you running from?
Have you ever stopped to ask it what it wants?
Photo credit: Abstracts.tv
For more information on how the Metaphor Inquiry process applies to my life coaching services please visit crimsoncompass.ca
Linda
Barbara Swafford
Deb Dorchak
Tony Single
Chris Edgar
Sara
Jeffrey Willius
Doug Gene
{ 24 comments }
Wonderful, Davina!! Another post that makes me wish my keyboard had a huge EXACTLY! button on it! Metaphors and language are at the intersection of my life, coaching, writing and art and design work. I live my life in metaphors and symbols, adore their power, have done whole pieces about how vital they are in our lives and how we can become victims of the ones we’ve created if we never sit back and examine them. It was fascinating to read this coaching session I wasn’t part of. You’ve made the wisdom of a complex concept not only compelling to read, but accessible.
I used to run from the loneliness of my childhood playground, and the bullying. Then I learned how to be my inner child’s best friend; I protect her while she reads and learns without fear or alienation; I marvel at the hours she can sit anywhere writing in a world of her own and simply smile at her to let her know I’m here if she needs anything; then I built us some playgrounds where the other kids like us can be loved and happy and appreciated, where different isn’t bad, where connecting is safe, where books are power, where intense intuition doesn’t mean you’re a witch. I’ve also made my love a talisman so that my kids, my husband, my colleagues, friends and clients – never feel the loneliness I did.
.-= janice´s last blog ..Holidaying at Home: The East Neuk of Fife =-.
Davina, you are only ever running away from your true self. As you learn to find courage to face whatever manipulates the mind, you learn to take new levels of responsibility and love and accept yourself more completely.
.-= Liara Covert´s last blog ..10 Ways to heal thyself and others =-.
“…it was mad that I was running from the unknown into the unknown.” This one struck me. I’ve run from the known into the unknown serendipitously, mostly in my younger life. What it taught me was to be unafraid of change or risk. Things do have a way of working out. But, also, this can have the effect of feeling stuck in the known. . . with which I’m struggling now. I guess I’m one who wants to know the unknown! Thanks, Davina. I can live with that! :)
.-= Betsy Wuebker´s last blog ..CHANGE DOESN’T COME FROM THE TOP =-.
This is a WONDERFUL post! I’ve definitely found myself running in circles and I’ve found that when I stop to think about what I’m running from (or to) that the circling stops. I don’t always do this but I know that I should and I plan to make sure that I do in the future. Great stuff here! I love it!
.-= Positively Present´s last blog ..happiness doesn’t just happen =-.
What we run from can serve us if we trust ourselves. After all, what we are running from is of our own creation.
Well isn’t that the truth. Your coach sounds wonderful and I love you share your authentic self with us. You are an amazing person.
I used to run in circles all of the time when my kids were little. I think if I would have stopped I would have collapsed and one day I did right on the couch of my first therapy session.
I like what Liara says as well, isn’t she brilliant?
I’ve never heard of symbolic modeling and, like many of your posts, it sounds to my ear like an odd way to approach the problem. However, we’re all different and whatever works for you! I’m not running in circles. I’m standing still, waiting for the economy to recover in time for me to retire.
.-= Dot´s last blog ..Comment on Life Goes On by Davina =-.
I can’t tell you how much I ADORE the fact that once you stopped and faced the “madman” – whom you THOUGHT was “chasing” you – it was only then you could identify him and his intentions “correctly”.
Great post!!
.-= Kathy | Virtual Impax´s last blog ..Social Media: It’s a Moral Imperative =-.
Hi Janice.
Bullying is a very sad thing, especially among children. That is great how you shifted your perspective to deal with it. “Change yourself, cause we can’t change others.” Instead of running from the loneliness, you changed how you looked at it and it ended up feeding you, rather than you making it about you or wrong. This gave you a great way of re-framing your experience of loneliness from something to be feared to something that supported you. You made a choice and that empowered you; “Where different isn’t bad.” That is a very wise statement Janice. Thank you for sharing this.
Hi Liara.
Thanks for this message: “Find courage to face whatever manipulates the mind…” love that! The way you’ve described this gives me the impression that this process of self-discovery and acceptance is just like peeling back the different layers of an onion.
Hi Betsy.
You are a risk-taker all right! Sounds like you’re ready to stir things up a bit. Check out the Group Writing Project that Joanna is offering over at “Confident Writing” http://confidentwriting.com/2008/12/simply-the-best-group-writing-project
You are encouraged to write something using a different voice or technique; something you’ve never done before. That might get you started. I dare ya! :-)
Hi Dani.
Hey, thanks! I can see you now, running in circles… and I start to think about that kid’s game we used to play and sing… “Ring Around the Rosie”, that ends with “we all fall down.” Catching ourselves takes practice doesn’t it?
Hi Tess.
This coach is actually a friend of mine and he’s quite a unique person. We get together to practice this process just to see what unfolds. Guess we’re like a couple of mad scientists :-)
Yes Liara is amazing — I agree! So are you Tess. You really “kept it together” and focused on raising your children. They’ll keep a person running in circles and you definitely went with the flow — or got caught up in their tailwind :-)
Hi Dot.
You’ve just confirmed to me that I’m zeroing in on my niche; this is how I am unique. Thanks!
What can I say, I like to take a creative approach to these things and step outside of the box to try new perspectives. Like Albert Einstein says: “A man can’t solve a problem with the same mindset that created the problem.”
I hope the economy recovers so you can take the retirement that you have earned.
Hi Kathy.
Thanks! It’s neat how things change when you actually stop to meet & greet them and stop running from the assumptions.
LOL Davina – It’s weird that you’ve written this today. I actually faced one of the things I’ve been running from for a long time today. And suddenly – all the other horrid things I’ve been putting off seem easy. Now I feel a fool for running for so long.
I like the idea of stopping and connecting with what you’re running from – it makes a lot of sense.
And now – I’m no longer afraid to do that future self meditation. I couldn’t think about my future self, when I was so “stuck”. Going to Spain in morning so will let you know how i get on with it when I come back.
.-= Cath Lawson´s last blog ..Immigrating To Australia – Is It For You? =-.
The metaphors of our subconscious always amaze me. Thanks for writing about taking the time to notice them.
Running around in circles is not my thing. I used to be stuck in molasses a lot or I’d find myself looking rather irritatedly at yet another onion peel-like layer of a problem I thought I was over. Similar, but less strenuous metaphors!
.-= Lori Hoeck´s last blog ..‘Think Like a Black Belt’ around the web =-.
I sometimes do feel like I’m running in circles, although the general theme is running ahead and making progress. When I feel this way, I force myself to stop whatever I’m doing and just do nothing for 10 minutes. It helps me to refocus.
.-= Vered – MomGrind´s last blog ..Happily Ever After =-.
I know how you feel about being tired but can’t stop running. I feel like that sometimes. If I don’t keep on making the right choice and staying one step ahead in the game, life will just crash on me like a thundering wave.
I just long for that day where I can stop for a minute and look back at all that I have done.
.-= Inspirational Thoughts by Stephen´s last blog ..Inspirational Poem About God By Thomas Merton =-.
When I was young I run away from things.
Then as I got older, I run to things. Because if it is bad, I want to know it as soon as I can. Most time they are not that bad to begin with. If it is something good, than I run to it because I don’t want to waste another day.
Today, I would say I come to realize that I am not running. I travel through life at my own speed which just so happen to be a little faster speed than other. May be it is because I am a passionate person? :-)
Thanks
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
.-= Giovanna Garcia´s last blog ..To get what want…give it away first! =-.
Hi Cath.
Don’t be too hard on yourself; you were running because you just weren’t ready to face them. Now that you are, and have, they seem like nothing. It’s funny how we play the game of life.
I hope you have a great trip to Spain.
Hi Lori.
I know what you mean about those “reoccurring” problems that keep circulating. That ego is a real trickster!
Hi Vered.
That is a great suggestion. Thank you. Almost sounds like a form of meditation ;-)
Hi Stephen.
So true. We can build up quite a speed and just get caught up in the momentum. I like your metaphor of the thundering wave. You know, your point about stopping to appreciate all that you have done would be a good excuse to just stop now! :-)
Hi Giovanna.
Running to understand what is “bad” sounds like THE smart thing to do. It’s usually not as bad as we think it will be. You have a certain zest for life :-)
Davina,
Wonderful post. It is an excellent portrait of both your journey in coaching and how beautiful and powerful coaching really can be. I think it is one of the most positive and creative approaches to giving people the freedom to find their own way. Of course, as a life coach yourself, this is something you know very well:~)
Also, did you know that the joker card is related to the Fool in the Tarot deck? It is actually the only card from the major arcana to survive into our modern day card decks. According to OSHO deck, The Fool is a wonderful card as it represents full trust and intuition at it’s peak. If want to read more about it, go here: http://www.hackvan.com/pub/stig/etext/the-fools-card/
.-= Sara´s last blog ..Story Photo: What’s at the top of the stairs =-.
Running in circles is better than being stuck, I think. I also applaud your authentic expression and willingness to go wherever your exploration takes you. Although I usually prefer a more direct approach I get that sometimes we miss the target by going right at something. I like how Ian asked for an agreement and how you fearlessly stated your intention for the future.
.-= Tom Volkar / Delightful Work´s last blog ..Celebrate Your Strangeness =-.
Tess, Davina, every human being is gaining new faith in their true self. Every person is in process of opening a time capsule previously buried by the authentic self. Part of you may assume this was done during a perviously lifetime (incarnation). Another part of you knows everything is happening now. That is, you instinctively know everything you need already. Unconditional love for the self and the world is always accessible within you. As you choose, you sense it, feel it, express it and open the pure heart wider. You also attract kindred spirits and inspire others to overcome fear and open their hearts too. Its all about soul connection.
.-= Liara Covert´s last blog ..Connect with unlimited freedom =-.
It takes an astute mind to realize that one is in a circle. Some of the comments left to this post are pretty amazing! I certainly agree with Tess that what we are running away from can prove to be valuable lessons for our souls! I didn’t use to bother with symbolism….I thought ideas like these were like a bunch of crap. I am now believing otherwise….
.-= Evelyn Lim´s last blog ..The Story Of The Wounded Child =-.
Being heard…and being validated…it’s some of the most important things we need in life. I found your post very insightful, shared with my network!
.-= Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach´s last blog ..#1 way to make money online with CommentLuv longterm – Part 2 =-.
Hi Sara.
Thank you. I had no idea that the joker card is related to the Fool in the Tarot deck. What a coincidence. Thanks for sharing the link; I passed it along on Twitter too; the ripple effect…
Hi Tom.
You can be “stuck running in circles” too :-) and simply noticing is the direct approach to shifting gears to move in a more direct/focused path. What I love about metaphor work is how it evolves into a story, when you take the time to just listen; the “background noise” dissipates and actually comes to mean something.
Hi Liara.
Thank you for this. I like the idea that we attract kindred spirits when we open our heart wider. It’s like realizing they were there all along, but we couldn’t see them because we weren’t ready to yet.
Hi Evelyn.
I agree, the comments here have been genuine and thought-provoking. I appreciate the eagerness that people bring forward in their sharing. So, your “crap” metaphor has been eliminated. What a relief! :-)
Hi Barbara.
I agree; these are so important in life, and even more so these days. Being heard and being validated get so lost in this world with all the information that is coming at us. Thanks for sharing this post with your network. That is great!
Great post but, I don’t think I think that much LOL.
John, you are one lucky man! :-)
Sometimes with blogging I do find myself catching my own tail and I wonder how to back off from it and when will I find enough is enough. Will I ever be satisfied with my amount of readers? Will I keep seeking bigger and better things with blogging? It could go on and on forever. And then there’s the whole Twitter land to “conquor.”
I think Liara Covert would say to this to me, “You need to decide what’s important to you,” or something like that. And she’d be right.
.-= Jannie Funster´s last blog ..On Blog Links, Singing, Donuts & Beer =-.
Hi Jannie.
I know what is important to you! FUN. From the looks of your blog, you are being well fed… and so are your readers. And, I’ve seen you more on Twitter too. It just takes rhythm to get in the flow… and we all know you’ve got rhythm. :-)
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