Real life wisdom for modern life growth
Today I’m sharing another superb guest poster with you: Shamelle, the author of Enhance Life.
Shamelle writes a blog that offers advice and tips on actionable personal development based on incidental gleanings. The tagline at Enhance Life is “Real life wisdom for modern life growth”.
Her intention is to share simple practices that she finds useful, for personal development. Her posts are filled with practical tips that can be used to support everyday challenges. Reading the titles of these posts makes me want to read more:
12 Words And Phrases That Automatically Kill Your Self Image
Is Heavy Thinking Ruining Your Life?
Expectations: Is It A Human Weakness?
Okay Shamelle, the floor is yours….
How do you feel about asking for help?
I work in the software development field, and there have been numerous occasions, where I have been hesitant to ask for help. I wanted to “try things myself”; show that I am independent.
Early in my career, I got into a lot of trouble because of this. The more I wanted to experiment myself, the more the work was delayed. Luckily for me, I had a great manager who pointed out that my lack of asking for help was damaging my career.
To some, asking for help is so frightening that even when faced with death, they will still not ask for that helping hand! Have you come across situations where you were reluctant to ask for help, because you gave into any of these myths?:
7 common myths about asking for help
Myth 1: “They won’t help, so I won’t ask for help.”
In life, even a negative response provides an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your relationships. All of us experience “no” in our lives, but I have found “no” becoming “yes” with the right approach when asking for advice and help.
Myth 2: “If I ask for help from others I might be perceived as weak.”
Every one of us needs to seek the advice and help of others, especially in chaotic times. And by seeking advice and help, we demonstrate a strength rather than a weakness.
Myth 3: “Asking for help will make me look vulnerable.”
Asking for help creates an atmosphere of empowerment for the parties involved. It communicates to others that, while you may not have the answers, you are willing to find them and make things better.
Myth 4: “Successful people don’t ask for help.”
Successful individuals will tell you that the key to success is knowing your strengths and weaknesses. Learning how to delegate, asking for help and letting others show you the way are part of the plan. Successful people are driven and motivated, and when the going gets tough the tough ask for help!
Myth 5: “If I ask for help, I will be bothering others.”
Doing it all can do you in. Being too self-sufficient can create stress levels that tip your physical, emotional and spiritual scales.
Myth 6: “Asking for help will tarnish my independent self image.”
With practice, you’ll learn to be comfortable when others help you. And before long, you’ll come to realize that you deserve a helping hand every now and then.
Think of a time when you were worried that you might lose some of your independence if you asked for help. What were the circumstances then? Did you ask anyway?
Myth 7: “If I ask for help, I will be expected to return the favor.”
The truly valuable advice and help will come without any strings attached. Your only obligation, which is simply good manners, is to deliver a sincere thank you to those who give you advice or help you in some way.
As I mentioned before, I’ve never been one to ask for help. I would always just “do it myself” but I’m learning that asking for help is part of the “giving and receiving” of the Universe.
It does feel good to help someone else. We should allow others the good feelings from helping us! So, take a risk and “make the ask”!
Do you normally resist asking for help, or only ask when it’s the last resort?
Have you ever not asked for help and then wished you had?
Photo credit: JeffKward
patricia
Hilary
Tony Single
Linda
Barbara Swafford
Deb Dorchak
Chris Edgar
{ 28 comments }
I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Hi Davina,
Thank you for highlighting Shamelle’s work here today!
Hi Shamelle,
This is also difficult for me…asking for help. I’m getting better at it, and in fact – I have one thing on my plate I’m really ready to start passing on to someone else. So, I really should have started the process of asking for help earlier. So, I’ll take this as a great reminder to myself that I have to do this, if I want the help…I have to ask.
This is great, it’s so easy for me be believe I can be independent, when the truth is that when I do ask for help, and receive it – my life is so much better because of that.
.-= Lance´s last blog ..Sunday Thought For The Day =-.
Hi Davina & Shamelle!
This is exactly what I needed to read! All 7 pertain to me and my situation right now. It is interesting that in my last blog “An Open Letter to God” this is exactly the realization that I had…to “accept help shamelessly.”
Thank you so much for offering these insights…sometimes it takes *hearing* that what you feel is necessary, is somehow validated! Giving is truly a 2-way path.
“To give is to expect nothing back; to receive is to suspect nothing for” ~Henie~
.-= Henie´s last blog ..Remnants =-.
What a great guest post, Shamelle! I have a hard time asking for help, but I think it’s important to be able to get help from others when it’s needed. I love how you outlined the myths. Great stuff!
.-= Positively Present´s last blog ..growing up is optional =-.
I’ve always found that feeling free to ask for help is one of the first steps in being a strong member of a team. I liked your approach to getting folks more comfortable going down that road. Good Job.
.-= Fred H Schlegel´s last blog ..Tackling the Uncertainty Paradox – An Introduction =-.
@Davina: Thank you very much for giving me the opportunity to be apart of your blog and also the generous links to my blog.
@Lance: I am also the “independent” type and for me it takes a lot of effort to get myself to ask for help. Initially, I started by asking for help on “minor” things that have a “huge” impact.. Little by little, I got used to the feeling of getting help :-0)
@Henie: Yes, giving is usually a 2 way path. but in life it doesn’t always end that way. My policy is to give help without keeping a “score”.
Good quote.
@Positively Present: You hit the nail when you said, “it’s important to be able to get help from others when it’s needed. ”
.-= Shamelle- EnhanceLife´s last blog ..Do You Belong? =-.
Shamelle, I wanted to take a brief minute to thank you for contributing this post. You’ve made a lot of sense here. Even just having the myths written down where they are not bouncing around in our thoughts is a huge help! You’re welcome re the links to your blog. I like to show off for people :-) and give credit for great work.
Hi Randy.
Thank you. I’m glad you’ve enjoyed the reading. Your recent post on Answering Interview Questions carefully has some great tips. I hope I don’t have to use them any time soon :-)
Hi Lance.
You’re welcome. You’ve had some great guest posters at The Jungle of Life. I like how you’ve noted that your life is so much better because you ask for help. It just makes sense doesn’t it? But it’s not always easy to see it that way when you need help.
Hi Henie.
Your enthusiasm is contagious. When do we move the next mountain? :-)
Hi Dani.
Shamelle covered all the bases didn’t she? My favourite part was her mention about how it’s helpful to remember you are helping someone else by accepting their help.
Hi Fred.
That’s a great point! A strong ego can be the weakest link of a team.
Shamelle, this is a useful post in identifying our thinking and how to overcome unhelpful thoughts. Great work!
Davina, thanks for introducing Shamelle. You’re going places with your blog with guest posting!
.-= Daphne´s last blog ..Greetings! But Let’s Not Shake Hands… =-.
Hi Davina & Shamelle,
This post hits home with me. I’m so independent, I rarely ask for help. In fact, some of my friends have even pointed this out to me, but I still resist. When I started blogging is when I should have really asked for help, but didn’t. My greatest fear was my questions would “sound stupid”, so I would struggle for days trying to figure things out.
In some ways, the experience has helped me as I now encourage other bloggers to ask those questions, no matter how menial they seem. I would hate to think others are struggling as I did thus slowing down their progress.
.-= Barbara Swafford´s last blog ..How To Keep Your Blog Alive When Life Calls =-.
I used to be very good at NOT asking for help due to at least 6 of those cited above, but in a lot to ways I’ve managed to get over myself and things are a lot easier because of it. And I find people are usually very willling to help.
.-= Jannie Funster´s last blog ..On Blog Links, Singing, Donuts & Beer =-.
I have probably given myself each of these reasons for not asking for help when I needed it. I started to say that all of that is in the past. I wish. It isn’t. I still struggle with many of them today. I am better but still not perfect at asking for help. I guess I needed the reminder. Also don’t have to do it perfectly either. Thanks.
.-= Patricia – Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker´s last blog ..Lies Incest Perpretrators Tell Their Victims =-.
There has definitely been times when I wished I asked for help. In the past I’ve been guilty of #2, but I’ve learned through leadership that I can’t do it all on my own.
Thanks for the post Shamelle :)
Hi Davina and Shemelle,
My dad taught us to ask for help each time we needed it. My mom did the same thing. My dad would even stop and ask for directions when we were lost!
Life sure gets easier when we allow others to help us out once in a while!
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..“Turn Fear Into Faith” Freebie from Peggy McColl =-.
Yes, I avoid asking for help as much as I can, for many of the reasons you’ve mentioned. This was an important read for me – thank you!
.-= Vered – MomGrind´s last blog ..Happily Ever After =-.
Great post! I’d never really thought about it, but I think, like Tess, I was raised to ask for help when I needed it. I think it empowers people if you genuinely value and appreciate their help. Many of my questions might sound daft or obvious, but I don’t mind seeming foolish; it would be more daft to realise I’m stuck or confused and not ask!
.-= janice´s last blog ..The Meaning of Mistakes: A Guest Post by My Teenage Daughter =-.
Hi Daphne. You’ve hit the nail on the head with “identifying our thinking”. It’s amazing how quickly our thinking can change when you just notice it. I really am enjoying hosting guest bloggers.
Hi Barbara.
Well, a lot of good has come out of this. You have learned by integrating that learning and now you’re putting it to good use. There is a certain satisfaction from finding the answer on your own isn’t there? But equally so, is the reward from being able to help someone else. “That’s what friends are for.” :-)
Hi Jannie.
People really do like to help; I see it all the time. “Get over yourself” — I’ve heard that one a lot :-) Usually we are the ones in the way making things more difficult than they need to be.
Hi Patricia.
“You don’t have to do it perfectly!” Exactly! And two heads are better than one. One idea I like to play with is that when we ask someone for help, it’s like opening a door or window for fresh air.
Hi John.
I believe it’s become more respectable to ask for help these days. It shows more strength than weakness. What you say about leadership makes sense too; knowing your strengths and weaknesses is pretty important to success in business.
Hi Tess.
Wow, your dad would stop to ask for directions! That is rare. “Life sure gets easier when we allow others to help us out once in a while.” Yes, why do we choose to make it harder than it needs to be?
Hi Vered.
I’m glad this was helpful for you. I guess you could say that by asking for help you’re being even more efficient. Does that appeal to you? :-)
Hi Janice.
“I think it empowers people if you genuinely value and appreciate their help.” I couldn’t agree more. That is what I keep reminding myself of, because helping someone unconditionally feels so satisfying.
Everyone is constantly empowering and encouraging others even if these efforts go on without people’s awareness. Each time you inspire thought or dialogue, yo uare healping someone along their chosen path.
.-= Liara Covert´s last blog ..7 Ways to reframe apparent dis-ease =-.
Thanks for this. It reminds me — I learned an important lesson when I asked some bestselling authors to contribute some quotes to me — that they actually love to mentor and contribute to starting authors.
Hi Liara.
You’ve reminded me of a line from that John Lennon song; “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” So much goes on that we aren’t aware of while we go about our everyday routines.
Hi Chris.
You’re welcome. It’s encouraging when colleagues help each other rather than compete against each other.
Myth 5: “If I ask for help, I will be bothering others.” is a big one for me. The funny thing is, I dont mind if people ask me for help. In fact, I welcome it, but when the tables are turned, I’m afraid of putting someone out.
.-= Carla´s last blog ..Dont forget your pets: Natural Pet Care Products =-.
I love the list of reasons why we hesitate form doing something that ought to be very natural. Heck I hadn’t even thought of a couple of them. I think it’s one of the most honorable requests we can make of one another. It reflects well on us just like anything that makes us vulnerable. That’s where the growth is found.
.-= Tom Volkar / Delightful Work´s last blog ..Fear Cripples Authenticity =-.
Hi Davina and Shemelle,
Welcome Shemelle! I thought this post was very helpful.
I used to have lots of problems asking for help. Then I became a blogger and suddenly asking for help wasn’t so hard anymore or maybe it just became easier the older I get. There’s so much about blogging and the technical side of maintaining a blog that I’ve had no choice but to learn to ask for help.
Myth 5, however, is the one that still gets me. I’m always afraid when I do ask for help that I’m bothering someone or being a pest:~)
.-= Sara´s last blog ..Story Photo: To Start a Conversation =-.
Great post Shernelle! I’m with Tess – I think we are “trained” as children whether asking for help is “good” or “evil”.
In my house – it was the primary evil. My father was a very successful serial entrepreneur and self made millionaire. Asking for help was a sign of weakness. “Figuring it out” on your own was definitely a prized commodity. If you couldn’t figure it out – then be prepared to have someone else do it for you and then never hear the end of it.
So while I don’t mind helping at all – I have a TERRIBLE time to this day asking for help. It’s definitely a trait that is preventing me from being “all I can be”.
.-= Kathy | Virtual Impax´s last blog ..Social Media is not Linear =-.
Hi Carla.
I understand that one well. It’s especially difficult if you are running a business and are hesitating to delegate some work to another. Trusting that they will get the job done the way you would expect it to be done takes practice… for both parties.
Hi Tom.
“That’s where the growth is found.” Couldn’t agree more. Growth on both sides.
Hi Sara.
Myth 5 is coming up a lot here. Re your asking for help about blogging; that just goes to show that if what you are doing is important enough to you and you need the help to get it done, you will ask. Great example.
Hi Kathy.
Can you imagine what your “all I can be” is? You’ve got it goin’ on woman. Multiply that many times over and then look out world!
@Jannie: “I find people are usually very willing to help.”… When it comes to the blogging world, I am hesitant to ask for help thinking, “I am a ‘small dot’ and who would want to help me.” I was surprised to find that more people are willing to help, even to an novice blogger as myself!
The other aspect is that, once we get that first positive response, along with it comes the confidence to ask for more help ;-)
@Kathy, @Tess: I also agree that our upbringing also has and effect on how we look at asking for help.
@Everyone: wow.. I am happy that the post is well received. Thank you..
.-= Shamelle- EnhanceLife´s last blog ..18 Personal Development Bloggers & Their Head Turning Remarks =-.
Hi Shamelle.
That’s a good point… once we get that first positive response, we gain the confidence to ask for more help.
Everyone is actually helping everyone else to awaken to their true selves. People mirror certain behaviour to evoke reactions inside you. Every reaction is a clue to an inner wound in need of attention and healing. This is a wonderful process. Thank you for being such an inspiration!
.-= Liara Covert´s last blog ..Reframe remote influencing power =-.
Hi Liara. I love your comment… All great points! We are helping one another even when we’re not aware of it. The challenge is to “be” with those “reactions” consciously. And… there is no shortage of opportunities so it seems :-) YOU inspire me.
.-= Davina´s last blog ..There’s Life Coaching & Then There’s Just Life =-.
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