Comments on: Poem #3: Sweet Cheeks

By: Twitted by DavinaH

Twitted by DavinaH — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 05:25:21 +0000

[...] This post was Twitted by DavinaH [...]

By: Davina

Davina — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 05:16:34 +0000

Hey, no worries. I think it’s important to be honest. And that’s not always easy for either side of the conversation. So, thank you for speaking up; you were very diplomatic.

“P” is also for Paul. :-)

By: Paul

Paul — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 03:07:22 +0000

forgive me, I can be daft. *P* is for poetry.

By: Davina

Davina — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 22:59:29 +0000

Hi Paul.
I appreciate your suggestion; your verse is excellent. However, this poem was actually written *about* stopping to pee…

“Trickling whispers, a babbling river, release glistening waters to sea…” was the actual act *of* peeing being referenced to. Those glistening waters were in fact, yellow. :-D

By: Paul

Paul — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 19:32:12 +0000

Very nice. I do, however, feel that the reference to urination cheapens it and gives it a limerick feel.

Maybe something more like:

Trickling whispers, a babbling river,
to sea it’s waters flow.
A comfortable sigh, I pause to consider;
all I’ve come to know.

might offer more dignity. Stopping to pee does give occasion for reflection and is a good way to spot mushrooms!

By: Davina

Davina — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 05:28:54 +0000

Hi Patricia.
Lol… “sweet” :-)

Hi Cath.
Cool. Did you feel like you had to go pee too? :)