What’s in it for you?
“…no matter what you think of narcissists, they are the ultimate revealers of our own weaknesses and insecurities. It may not seem like it, but once we learn more and can handle their destructive tendencies better, we become stronger…”
This quote from The Narcissist: A User’s Guide is why I believe this is a book that will raise the bar on personal development for its readers.
Written by Lori Hoeck from Think Like a Black Belt and Betsy Wuebker from Passing Thru, it is an engaging read that gives the reader a detailed look into the character of narcissists and how to negate their influence.
This book is FREE. Lori and Betsy have done a tremendous job putting this together and with support from Blue Sun Studio for the layout and design, it is a pleasure to read.
After reading the strikingly candid personal accounts, the reader will learn to recognize what sets a narcissist apart from other people: a lack of empathy. To a narcissist, you are an extension of themselves.
This book is an eye-opening journey into the world of the narcissist, providing tips and strategies to recognize and deal with their manipulative tricks and emotional hijacking.
Lori and Betsy note that friends who sap your energy, family members who criticize and argue with you endlessly, or people who are emotionally demanding and unable to reciprocate are demonstrating narcissism.
A narcissist develops a false self to compensate for being wounded and scarred early in life. They view themselves as inferior and this false self is their “dysfunctional survival skill.”
This identity is vulnerable because it is false. To sustain it a narcissist becomes an expert at manipulating others to establish superiority.
They are experts at creating different personae to protect their image; a perpetuating cycle as a victim’s self-esteem suffers and the narcissist’s is empowered.
Awareness is a defence against narcissism*
This book increases the awareness of narcissism and in my opinion, that is the first step in dealing with it.
The Narcissist: A User’s Guide will show you:
• How to identify a narcissist
• Why they are so hard to deal with
• How to set boundaries
• When it’s time to leave
• Why some people seem immune to narcissists
• Plus, it provides additional resources and reading material
Who or what are you enabling?
Why do people stay in a relationship with a narcissist? Because there is something in it for them. They may have low self-esteem or have learned to cope with the perpetual cycle of drama. There is fear and denial.
“It’s easy to fall in love with what could be, as opposed to what is … but wanting something to be can mask what is.”
There is also familiarity. The narcissist wears a false persona and so does the victim. There is a false sense of security in the victim’s familiarity, and in the hope that one day things might change. Either way, each person is enabling the other to continue with the pattern.
Awareness is the first step and since the narcissist is blindly aware of their plight and you are not, you have the power. It’s up to you to make the choice. Will you fight against them or for yourself?
If you are involved with this type of person, The Narcissist: A User’s Guide is a key to becoming more aware; a key to opening the door to free yourself.
At the end of the day, this book is not about the narcissist; it’s about you living your life free from the influence of narcissism.
That’s what’s in it for you.
*NOTE: Narcissistic personality disorder is relatively rare. According to Wikipedia “Lifetime prevalence is estimated at 1% in the general population and 2% to 16% in clinical populations.”
I don’t represent myself as an expert in narcissistic personality disorder, but I believe that a narcissist is less likely to change their behaviour despite all good intentions on the part of the other person. Whether a person is clinically diagnosed with narcissism or not, the bottom line is for each person to take responsibility for their actions and for the perceived “victim” to make the decision to stay in the relationship, or to leave.
It is my opinion that despite the rarity of narcissistic personality disorder, people can be quick to attach labels, judge behaviour and place the blame elsewhere. This book has increased awareness of the abusive and manipulative tendencies that a larger percentage of the population exhibit, even beyond narcissism. Being aware of the role we play in any relationship is imperative to co-existing with each other in a healthy manner.
Cover images & book design: Blue Sun Studio
Sand sculpture photo: Davina Haisell