I feel pretty, oh so pretty
In this picture I was more than 20 years younger than I am today. It was taken by a professional photographer and is one of my favourites; if you don’t count the big dorky earrings and the boy’s haircut :-D I like my smile and my eyes, and purple is my favourite colour.
Some days I don’t feel so pretty. While I’ve never considered myself to be overly attractive, I do have my good days. You know the ones I’m talking about right ladies?
Those days where your hair falls into place perfectly, your eyes have a child-like, mischievous twinkle and the sun just happens to light up your good side.
This particular day that I’m writing about was one of those days where I didn’t feel pretty. Because I was meeting a friend for coffee I decided to put on a little makeup (cause you never know who you might meet).
I walked into the shop to save a table, settling comfortably in the corner to wait. A few heads turned to “check me out” and I felt like turning around to see which woman these men were looking at. But because I knew there was just a wall behind me, I had to accept that they were looking at me. Moi?
Gee, perhaps I looked better than I thought. On this day the sun was shining, it was Friday and I was looking forward to reconnecting with my friend.
We had a fantastic visit full of great conversation and lots of laughs. She has a hearty laugh that makes a person feel satisfied when she’s laughing at their jokes. I was in a playful mood; sarcastic and lighthearted and I had a lot of funny things to say. I felt comfortable being out.
As I walked back to my apartment, I noticed two other men “checking me out”. I reflected on this freak of nature… this fleeting moment that one generally feels when they see a shooting star.
Model yourself
What was different about me today? I realized that I felt happy and energized. I felt open and playful — spirited.
That reminded me that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder and that it does come from within. Cause certainly when I looked in the mirror I didn’t see Canada’s Next Top Model staring back at me. Those men clearly saw something else… something I take for granted. Me.
So next time you are feeling low or self-critical, don’t forget about how you present yourself and how open you are to people. Physical beauty is over-rated. I can’t say that I’m any different; I notice attractive men all the time — it’s natural.
But when all is said and done, what is most important is how much of you is present. When you are not trying to be somebody, more of you can show up. You stop filtering and calculating the right things to say and do.
How do you carry yourself? Do you walk with your head down, slouched posture, have a tense jaw? One of the most attractive things about a woman is the way she carries herself. That is something I’ve become quite conscious of lately.
A lady doesn’t have to be a model to walk like one. I remind myself to walk tall, to be relaxed and to make eye contact with people.
When you stop making it all about you… (because that is usually when you put on the mask), others can see you better.
It also helps when you get a professional photographer to take your picture :-D Something I plan on doing in the very near future.
I have to admit that I’m still overly critical of my personal appearance, but days like this have helped me to be less so.
What about you?
How do you present yourself to the world?
How critical of yourself are you?
patricia
Hilary
Tony Single
Linda
Barbara Swafford
Deb Dorchak
Chris Edgar
{ 30 comments }
You look like a bonny Irish lass to me. Or are you not of Irish descent? But anyway, I agree that tension in our bodies does seem to show up in our relating with others — I know a woman who can always sense the tension in my jaw, for instance, even if she can’t see me tensing it up, and she immediately tells me to relax. Human beings are such sensitive instruments.
Hi Chris.
A bonny Irish lass :-D No, not I. My father was English, hence THE nose (heh, heh), and my mother was mostly German. There’s a little Scottish background there somewhere too.
Tension sneaks up on us. So many times the shoulders feel halfway up to the ears. But I’ve come to be more conscious of the jaw, as you’ve noted. I think it makes a huge difference in how we speak to each other. I’ve also noticed that relaxing the jaw is a prerequisite to relaxing the shoulders.
I do appreciate women who know how to carry themselves with confidence; it makes them most attractive. Whenever I am conscious of my appearance, I feel uneasy and restless. It is only when I am comfortable with myself that I can be comfortable with people around me.
.-= BK´s last blog ..Invictus by William Ernest Henley =-.
Davina, it’s a beautiful photo. Purple, the color of royalty, becomes you. :)
As I get older, I am startled by what I see when I glance in the mirror. And like you, I’m hyper-critical. It can be a real downer, but the conditioning is hard to overcome. What you’ve conveyed with this post is that what matters has less to do with what we see in ourselves than what we see in others and the world. Good to remember. Thanks.
.-= Betsy Wuebker´s last blog ..Roaming Through Michigan =-.
I don’t have the luxury of looking in mirrors… they shatter whenever I try to. I suspect it’s out of self preservation, although I don’t see how killing yourself is self preservation but hey. :P
Seriously though, I think you’re right. If you ooze negativity, people tend to give you a wide berth. I know this because it’s an experiment that I’ve unwittingly conducted on many an occasion and boy are the results conclusive!
Anyone who knows me knows that I’m devastatingly hard on myself and my appearance. I try not to be but – just like Betsy – I find that conditioning can be very hard to overcome.
If the mirrors would just stop shattering then I’d be fine.
.-= Tony Single´s last blog ..Of Jaywalkers and Hitlers =-.
Hi BK.
There’s a certain grace about a woman who carries herself well. “Whenever I am conscious of my appearance, I feel uneasy and restless.”—> Amen! When we are too conscious of our appearance we are too focused on ourselves and it can work both ways; either we come across as vain or lacking in confidence, or just plain aloof.
Hi Betsy.
Thank you. Purple is such a RICH colour. Majestic. I understand what you mean about growing older — that reflection is a little startling some days :-D You know, I was thinking as I was appreciating this photo… I didn’t like it back then. Now 25 years later I do. Wonder how you and I will feel about our present day pictures in another 20 years?
Hi Tony.
You’re a hoot! :-D Conditioning is hard to overcome, I agree… or hard to let go of. I’ve wondered this myself… why do we insist on holding on to something that causes us so much pain or discomfort?
“If the mirrors would just stop shattering then I’d be fine.” LOL… then just stop replacing your mirrors! :-D :-D
You have such delicate features. You ARE pretty.
We women tend to be so hard on ourselves. I completely agree that self confidence is so much more attractive than any physical attribute.
.-= vered | blogger for hire´s last blog ..Ten Things I’ve Learned After Two Years of Blogging =-.
Hi Davina … that’s a great picture .. but as you say we have favourites at given times – for whatever reasons. Recently I haven’t felt much like looking good .. due to other circumstances – thoughI appreciate the point we should always be putting our best foot forward (so to speak!). I do make a point of looking people in the eye, and getting on with life .. so I may not look brilliant – but that’s not deflecting me ..
Great – I look forward to the new you – the revised portrait .. as you say – relax ..
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Alpha, Treacle, Beta, Dogger, Snow – what do they mean to you? =-.
That’s a gorgeous photo, Davina. And it’s all so true. When I feel frumpy or down about something, I look in the mirror and feel terrible about how I look. But when I’m feeling like I look good and am in a great mood, the bags under my eyes seem less, and I feel infinitely better about myself.
It’s amazing to think about how this has changed for me over the years. Back in high school, my self-confidence was entirely non-existent. I was shy, quiet, didn’t think very highly of myself at all, and it definitely showed. But nowadays, even if I don’t always feel confident, I try to present myself with confidence, and it makes a world of difference. People respond better, people approach me more… and this just leads to me feeling better to myself, and actually feeling more confident. A good thing indeed. :)
.-= Allison Day´s last blog ..Time for a Cold Shower Conversation =-.
Wow this line… “When you are not trying to be somebody, more of you can show up” best line I’ve read in a while. Really a cool quote that should go in some Great Quote Book somewhere. And it is so true, when we are not focussed on ourselves we are open to a whole new world, one usually with childlike wonder and joy.
Me? I do tend to be critical of myself. I’ve never liked my nose. So I forget about it mostly, but still there is this part of my that wants to be in a club of folks with cute little noses that are slim at the tip — a slim-tipped nose like yours! But what’s in a nose! (Wait! Don’t answer that.) :) As long as it can smell the roses, that’s what matters, right??
I just love seeing you in full photo, more that a glimpse of part of you as in your gravatar. Anyone would say you are pretty! And you are!
And I love your writing “the sun just happens to light up your good side.” I can so relate to that! We can glow with the sun from inside.
I think that we look our best when we are relaxed and interested in someone else. I know that I feel my best when I’m not worrying about how I look.
.-= Mama Zen´s last blog ..Destination Unknown =-.
Jannie’s right — “When you are not trying to be somebody, more of you can show up” is an awesome encapsulation!
What a great photo! They eyes say it all in this and your gravatar photo. Your writing shouts your beauty, too. And it’s fun to see your looks being scoped out by appreciate eyes, isn’t it?
Recently, I’ve been dragging rather low in the looks department because I let a load I’m carrying get too heavy. Time for me to “lighten up” in more ways than one! Thanks for the reminder.
.-= Lori Hoeck´s last blog ..Mindset in self defense is crucial to victory =-.
I like your smile and your eyes too, Davina. There’s so much warmth radiating from this photo, that I know would always be there, no matter if it’s 20 years or 50 years later. Seems like it’s one of those photos that captures the essential you. So I really love that you’re reminding us here that the essential in us is available anytime. But sometimes I do put on that mask you speak of, the one that obliterates the essential. When I can just drop it though, I do feel beautiful. Thanks!
.-= Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last blog ..Being Alive =-.
Davina…your beauty is apparent with everything you DO & SAY. I think the shine that comes from within is the most important part of us.
For years my esteem and confidence was low and this certainly doesn’t attract the things you want but I always love the expression…don’t judge a book by it’s cover. I would love to see this truly applied in the world.
To counter the attitudes and judgment that so many people make by appearance alone I promised myself when my daughter was born to do the following.
“If a child lives with criticism, hostility, ridicule, and shame he condemns, fights, is shy and feels guilty….so let them live with tolerance, encouragement, praise, fairness, security, approval, honesty, acceptance and friendship so he can be patient, confident, grateful, just, trusting, self loving and loves the world around him (or in my case her, as I have a daughter).”
Amazing what answers and thoughts a simple blog post will invoke. May all of you realize you are beautiful.
I find myself “attracted” to those that either need a pick me up or stand out from the crowd because they don’t care what the world thinks about them…those are the ones that care too much and
.-= simply stephen´s last blog ..environmental burden of online media =-.
Hi Vered.
Awh thanks. :-) What is it with we women and how hard we are on ourselves?
Hi Hilary.
Tis true; we have our favourites. It’s funny how the same person can look so different from one photograph to the other too. The colours we wear and the lighting make a huge difference. Photography really is an art. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve not felt up to par. When I feel down I’ve noticed that when I look in the mirror… I mean really look into my eyes, there is still a bright spark there. It is brilliant. Can you see that in your eyes?
Hi Allison.
You are so right. It makes a huge difference. Notice how on those days when you are feeling a little down… when you adjust your posture, let out a relaxing sigh and walk tall… it really does help. There is a lot of peer pressure in high school. I remember it well. You survived and if I may say so… you are a beautiful woman. I’ve seen pictures :-)
Hi Jannie.
Thank you! It’s funny how fixated we get on certain features isn’t it? “But what’s in a nose! (Wait! Don’t answer that.)” LOL. I find this interesting because I’ve heard so many people complain about certain features and yet when I see their pictures I don’t see what they see. I’ve seen your pictures too and think you are very attractive.
Hi Mama Zen
Yes, when we’re interested in someone else… that’s huge! We forget all about ourselves then. Excellent point.
Hi Lori.
Thank you. *I’m blushing here*. I love it when those phrases just drop in from out of nowhere. You’re welcome re the reminder to lighten up. Take care of yourself… sparkle :-)
Hi Patty.
Thanks :-) and you’re welcome. Last year I convinced a friend to go out on a Saturday afternoon without makeup. She was leery but did it. After being out and about, she completely forgot to be worried about how she looked. We spend so much effort and time into wearing those masks don’t we?
Hi Stephen.
Wow, thank you :) These are powerful words you’ve shared. So valuable to bring that awareness to children because it’s during our younger years when so many of us fall prey to ridicule and criticism. Kids can be cruel. I think your daughter is very lucky to have you for a father. Very, very lucky!
Davina, the media and other elements of Western society bombard human beings with messages that give reason to create illsions of imperfection, insecurity, inadequacy, and self- doubt. As part of awakening, a person can systematically let go of such lies. To remember who you really are is to remove the power exerted by religion, commercial enterprise and social institutions and apparent authorities. They would like you to believe you need them to protect, heal or save you, to improve some lack you supposedly have or satisfy some need you are convinced they can fill. Imagine how your life changes as you remember your innate perfection, your limitless being. This is not arrogance of the ego mind. This level of revelation allows you to align to awareness of unconditional love and self-acceptance of yourself and everyone. You can just be who you really are.
.-= Liara Covert´s last blog ..Return to the fullness of being =-.
I didn’t even notice the earrings until you mentioned them (then I had to go back up and look). Hey now days people put earrings that size in their ear.
What a great story. As for me, I am very hard on myself. But I think I present myself to the world as genuine. I think I get it from my mom and dad…
.-= John Hoff – WP Blog Host´s last blog ..Something New to Blogosphere is Coming, Thanks to a Broken Heart =-.
Hi Liara.
Yes we are sure surrounded by these messages; not only on tv but radio, posters throughout our cities, and magazine covers everywhere we turn. I see how we need to be strong not only to believe in ourselves but to not buy into the judgments of those around us who do buy into what the media is selling.
Hi John.
You’ve raised a good point about being genuine. I think that when someone is being “real” they are in some way, less threatening to other people. All the masks come down and the playing field is level.
Great photo of you, one of my favorites. This story has a “spring is in the air” feel to it.
I have to mention one of your many attributes. Your inner beauty also has a warm glow too.
Hi Davina,
You are truly a beauty – outside and in. Having “known you” for quite some time now, not only does your spirit shine in all you do, but so does your caring heart. And just like your current avatar, your eyes still sparkle. It’s no wonder guys are checking you out. :)
.-= Barbara Swafford´s last blog ..S-L-O-W Down – Blogging Is Not A Race =-.
There is so much truth in what you write. I love your photo and used to wear my hair that short all through my 20′s and 30′s. With four daughters it was the only way I could keep up.
I had a bad day on Saturday…when it came to how I felt about how I looked. It took me 3/4′s of the day to get out of that funk! Oh…momma said there’d be days like this. I’m just happy they don’t happen to often.
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Bold Solutions For A New World =-.
It’s a beautiful photo and shows the strong but gentle artistic sensibility you have in the gravatar you use now. (I agree with Chris Edgar; there’s a quality of the ‘English rose’ about you in the photo, too.)
Have you noticed you feel differently about yourself since you started working online and blogging? I have. I sometimes get a shock when there feels like a disconnect between the essence that comes out in my writing and the real me I bump into by chance in shop windows and mirrors. I think maybe it’s because blogging lets us be our best selves without worrying what we look like.
I wish we lived nearer; we could do a photo shoot and help each other create loads of ‘that feels like the real me’ photos! I’ve been told I look stern or aloof when I’m actually just relaxed or serene inside. Not much ‘checking out’ goes on these days; maybe it’s an “I’ve got teenagers at home’ face!
.-= Janice | Sharing the Journey´s last blog ..Writing Snow =-.
Hi Jim.
Thanks :-) It’s funny how things change. Twenty years ago I didn’t like that photo. That story happened last year before Christmas, but you’re right; it does have a spring is in the air feel to it.
Hi Barbara.
Thank you :-) I love sparkling eyes; that’s usually what stands out for me when I “notice” other people too. There’s something about the eyes that draw you in.
Hi Tess.
Yeah, short hair is REALLY easy to manage and having 4 daughters, you’d have your hands pretty full with other things. I ‘try’ to tell myself that when I’m having those ‘down’ days that I’m growing and just feeling a little disconnected. Sometimes that doesn’t help :-D And sometimes you just need a hug!
Hi Janice.
Yes I have! Excellent point. Even more so since I began working at home. In the office there is so much focus on petty gossip and who’s wearing what. Takes a lot of effort to not get caught up in that and to try to fit in. Hah, hah… “Not much ‘checking out’ goes on these days”.. yep, that’s why I wrote this piece. It was a rare experience :-D
I love photography and setting up for a shoot; creating the right atmosphere. Too bad I couldn’t help you in that way. That ‘teenagers at home’ face is busy, busy, busy… that serene, relaxed you is dying to come out more. *click* :-)
I printed this out to read — and underlined two statement you wrote that made me cheer…
“When you are not trying to be somebody, more of you can show up.”
and
“When you stop making it all about you… others can see you better.”
Wow — do you have it right!
I have a lot to say about this topic — think I’ll go jot down some thoughts and later point back here. This is a must-read for women everywhere, in all life-stages, I think.
P.S. Beautiful Lady Davina… :)
.-= Barb Hartsook´s last blog ..Learning Changes Us… or Does It? =-.
I really like this post. Your photo is great — not because it’s a professional photo, though that probably helped capture you, but also because your eyes look so warm. I love the dark hair and the haircut.
Hi Barb.
Thank you so much for your comment. :-) I’m horrified that I’ve missed replying to yours and Dots. That’s awesome that you were so inspired by this. Kinda makes blogging worthwhile when I hear these things.
Hi Dot.
You too… my apologies for the late reply to your comment. I don’t know how I missed these! Thank you for your kind words :) I think the photographer did a great job capturing ‘me’ as there aren’t too many photos that do this. But then again, we tend to be way too hard on ourselves don’t we?
Yes, we do. Don’t worry about the late reply. Some people don’t reply at all. :-)
Well, Dot… I’m glad we’re good :-)
Oh bless you, Davina — do not worry about taking a day or six to get back to me. Life is so full, whenever someone shows up on my doorstep — figuratively speaking — I’m delighted. Early or late. It’s always a happy surprise (a happy ‘S’), and I go make the coffee. :)
.-= Barb Hartsook´s last blog ..We Live Where Our Focus Is =-.
I felt I was being a terrible hostess. But, you’ve set me straight. Thanks :-)
Comments on this entry are closed.