There are still a couple of posts left in the “Muse in May” series. She likes it here….
Like a straight jacket
Once upon a time, the muse, Meryl and I had an interesting dialogue about feeling trapped and uninspired.
Transformation of a binding mental picture happened naturally through our exploration. This is why I enjoy coaching with metaphors; I love watching how ‘the story’ transforms.
This is an example of Symbolic Modeling; one of three coaching methods I use. Note that coaching isn’t necessarily about solving a problem; it is about letting the information emerge.
That process alone opens doors to new perspectives… new perspectives where the ‘problem’ may not even exist. When we get too hung up on solving problems we create expectations of how things ‘should’ be.
This is based on an actual practice session I did with myself, just for the fun of it. Though I added descriptive filler, the questions and answers are in original sequence.
“What would you like to have happen, Meryl?” I asked. Sunlight was filtered behind the bedroom curtains that were stirring gently in the morning breezes.
Meryl sighed. “I’m not inspired and feel like I’m wasting time lying around this morning. I feel frustrated because I can’t seem to break this pattern.”
“And that pattern is like what?” I was perched on the edge of the bed, my feet dangling. I felt eight years old again. Asking questions.
“The pattern is like a straight jacket.” Meryl sat up and stared at me, quite purposefully with arms folded tightly across her chest. The blankets tugged under me and I shifted position to let them loose.
I folded my arms across my chest and stared back at Meryl. “Oh. And the pattern is like a straight jacket.” I repeated. “And when the pattern is like a straight jacket, what kind of straight jacket is that straight jacket?”
Uncovering the truth
Meryl closed her eyes. Tightly. Arms were still folded across her chest. I waited. “That straight jacket is wrapped around me. Tight. I feel helpless and trapped.”
Her eyes opened and there were tears there. “I feel like I’m being held against my will; that I have no choice.”
“When you feel like you are being held against your will and that you have no choice, then what happens?” I asked.
“I stop trying.”
“You stop trying. Where could the trying come from?”
“The trying comes from my heart.” Meryl was relaxing. My feet were still dangling.
I wondered, “When you’re trying from your heart, then what happens?”
“I feel like I have a purpose. I feel powerful. Playful. There is action and moving forward.” Meryl’s arms were still folded across her chest, but rather loosely as she became more wrapped up in her thoughts.
Beyond the comfort zone
“How are you moving forward?”
The arms came away from her chest. “I feel my feet strong on the earth. I’m standing tall and my arms are swinging by my side.”
My feet stopped dangling. “When your feet are strong on the earth, you’re standing tall and your arms are swinging, how do you feel?”
“Free. Grounded.” Meryl was sitting up straighter than moments before.
I reminded her of the straight jacket. “What is the relationship between feeling trapped in the straight jacket before and feeling free and grounded now?”
There was an element of excitement in Meryl’s answer. “When I’m trapped in a straight jacket… I’m not really trapped!”
She paused and then continued as her realization carried on. “When I’m feeling trapped in a straight jacket it’s more that I’m protecting myself, I think.”
“And what are you protecting yourself from?”
There was a long pause. “No… I’m not protecting myself from anything either. The straight jacket makes me feel that I’m taken care of. That I’m safe.”
“When you feel safe, that’s safe like what?”
“Safe like I’m wrapped in a blanket.” Meryl stared at the blankets that were wrapped around her where she sat in bed.
Sometimes things aren’t always what they seem to be. We both smiled.
I stood and drew the curtains to let the sunshine stream in. Our day had begun.
Don’t believe every story you tell yourself.
If you don’t like the story you are telling yourself, rewrite it.
Photo Credit: Tamelyn
patricia
Hilary
Tony Single
Linda
Barbara Swafford
Deb Dorchak
Chris Edgar
{ 27 comments }
“Don’t believe every story you tell yourself. If you don’t like the story you are telling yourself, rewrite it.” – absolutely agree. Of course, first you need to realize that you’re telling yourself a story.
.-= vered | blogger for hire´s last blog ..Am I Putting Ideas Into My Kids’ Heads? =-.
Very creative and informing. We box ourself in, clinging to what feels safe. I think my blanket is more of a wall, at times!
.-= Lynda Lehmann´s last blog ..A Ballet of Blossoms =-.
Davina, excellent message here!
Too often people exclaim, “but that is reality”. It really isn’t. If we don’t like the story we are living or telling, we just have to try a new one. It is always available and the best part is, there are numerous stories to choose from :)
Have a great new week!
.-= Evita´s last blog ..SkyWatch Friday – Artist Skies =-.
This is such a fun exercise and I like that you added to the environment and the dangling feet image – to grounded
I very much enjoy how the metaphor opens the story – revealing.
I enjoyed this very much….glad there is more to come.
.-= patricia´s last blog ..The Love Ceiling ~a novel by Jean Davies Okimoto =-.
Hi Vered.
“First you need to realize that you’re telling yourself a story.” Yep! Lol, I guess we can decide when it is or isn’t a story; can it be *that* simple? :-)
Hi Lynda.
Do you have any pictures of that wall? :) They’re not all bad; I’ve leaned on a few walls before, lol. The support is good, but they do get a little uncomfortable after a while.
Hi Evita.
Thanks. Have you ever found yourself clinging to a certain story? Similar to writing a story and not wanting to let go of a certain passage, despite the probability that that particular passage is creating the block.
Hi Patricia.
I’m glad you enjoyed this — It was fun to practice and document the process. Even I was surprised at what popped out — and it came from me. :-) And funny too that the descriptions had a way of just falling into place. It never ceases to amaze me at the information that reveals itself.
Hi Davina,
I thoroughly enjoyed your story, but even more so, enjoyed how you showed us how you perform “Symbolic Modeling”. By repeating the same words back to Meryl, it’s like she’s having to think more deeply about what she said. In the end, you’ve opened her eyes to that which was right in front of her all along.
What an awesome form of coaching.
.-= Barbara Swafford´s last blog ..Guest Posts – Yea or Nay? =-.
Hi Davina .. great post on sleeping with the muse .. what a great way to clear your head, sort yourself out – realise you have the answers yourself .. and can go get them. Barbara comments on the post so clearly .. we are our own worst enemy .. have a bright and cheerful day today and everyday .. Hilary
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Food, Food, Glorious Food … What could possibly go wrong …? =-.
It is interesting that security can be comforting as well as confining. We often feel safest when we aren’t taking the risks and yet when we are ready to take the risks, that desire to be safe can hold us back.
Great post – and it is truly about how we look at it and write our own stories, isn’t it.
.-= The Exception´s last blog ..Just… so =-.
I like this. It has all the deep, unforced wisdom of a child thinking their way through (or around) a problem until the problem simply disappears. I do like this approach, Davina. :)
Hi Barbara.
I’m glad you enjoyed the story. It is a *really* neat form of coaching. Repeating the words back gives you time to hear AND listen to your own words. It’s almost like a child being read a story; calming. We get so caught up in our internal mental chatter — it has quite the effect when the words are spoken back to you. It was pretty bizarre to try this on myself and take notes too. The mad scientist coach, lol.
Hi Hilary.
It is a great way to clear your head… kind of like co-active morning pages (the kind that Julia Cameron writes about). What’s neat is that sometimes the answer is as simple as choosing a new perspective.
Hi Exception.
Yeah, security can be smothering sometimes. I think people can come to a point when we get too complacent or unappreciative… or even that we don’t feel we ‘deserve’ to feel so comfortable. Oh, the tricks we play on ourselves.
Hi Tony.
What a cool analogy. I love it! A child thinking their way through until the ‘problem’ disappears. There’s an innocence there that you’ve picked up on; like an exploration, just for the sake of exploring.
It’s funny, isn’t it, Davina, how we can realize that everything we do has two sides, like in your example: we feel protected yet completely stifled at the same time. Our greatest protection is in relinquishing all our “covers” because that’s when we’re our strongest, our most free and easy. It’s when we’ve tapped into the flow. And yet we continually forget! Your way of coaching really does help so much to bring home the lesson, adding one more layer of reinforcement, helping solidify our understanding, thereby making it easier to shift gears the next time we forget.
.-= Julie´s last blog ..The Only Thing That Matters =-.
This is great today. I’m feeling stuck and “expecting things to work out a certain way.” H e l l o! I’m causing my own frustration and know better. I think I’ll just sit and breathe!
Hi Davina – What a beautiful way to discover that at the bottom of it all was that need to be comforted, to feel safe. The more I work with that, in myself and others, the more I realize how uncomfortable we often are admitting the strong desire for that. I had an interesting experience with it yesterday, in fact. Still processing it, but will probably write about it!
.-= Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last blog ..Meaning Mondays: Between Gratitude and Grief Edition =-.
Hi Julie.
It IS pretty interesting how we can allow ourselves to be so focused on one perspective. I love how you’ve put this about being our strongest when we’re tapped into the flow. This all sounds more like coaxing as opposed to coaching :)
Hi Tess.
Hmm… were you expecting to feel stuck by expecting things to work out a certain way? :-) H e l l o — heh, heh; I SO get THAT! I hope things turned out just right for you today… whatever that looks like for you.
Hi Patty.
I was just thinking, as I read your comment, that people do tend to feel awkward admitting they have a strong desire to feel safe. It’s funny because we seem to spend our lives either seeking pleasure or avoiding pain… to hide from fear… to feel safe. I look forward to reading your post.
Davina,
I loved how you and Meryl worked through this. It is such a gentle, but effective approach to discovering the truth.
It is interesting how we can come a full circle trying to escape what is also very important to us. It seems to me that once the strait jacket became the comforting blankets, Meryl was no longer stuck in them. She had found that she actually had a choice — stay or unwrap the blankets. I love this image.
.-= Sara´s last blog ..Story Photo: Cloud Play =-.
Yep!
We are the authors of our own stories, indeed. Hey, and even Tess gets stuck, eh? I guess we all do. Finding we are telling ourselves stories is key, as Vered points out. It’s all about perception of what’s in and outside of us.
And as usual, very creative, flowing writing, Davina. I know I sound like the proverbial broken record on that — but your writing is a true gift, to you and us.
xxoo
mmm..how true; often the very thing I find constraining that I might originally resist is often the very thing I am seeking, just packaged unexpectedly different…..
“if you don’t like the story you are telling yoruself-rewrite it”–I love that!!!! Thank you! If I feel friction at all, I immediately turn to gratitude for all that is good in the moment, then each moment after until my heart is so full of gratitude I feel the Divine Love and abundance in my life and allow delight and peace to fill my space…..It is my choice, one I have learned to make graciously each and every day…..
.-= Joy´s last blog ..Monday Blessing: Days Like This… =-.
Hi Sara.
Very true… even just realizing there IS another choice is enough to help move forward. As soon as we start to consider *another* possibility, the focus on the first one weakens. You’re right, you know… it was like she was sabotaging the comfort by making it out to be a straight jacket.
Hi Jannie.
I like that Tess was bold enough to name the “stuckness”. I believe people (myself included) could do well to not be afraid to “see” the stuckness. Pictures keep landing for me here… imagine the kiddie who finally decides to look under the bed… and realizes there is NOTHING there. :)
Hi Joy.
You’re welcome! :-D That’s a good point; we fear that which we REALLY want. It’s interesting that the feeling of gratitude can shift feelings so quickly without anything ever *having* to change.
Davina excellent post. I love the part where you said “If you don’t like the story you are telling yourself, rewrite it.” How true!
Hi Rose.
Thanks :) What’s cool about this is that by going through the process, the story takes on a new light — it kind of rewrote itself.
Davina, this is so creative. Your manner of questioning is so open and un-judgmental (and at the risk fo sounding sexist, feminine) leading Meryl to these simple, liberating truths.
I’m delighted to see that your Muse is effortlessly working overtime. ;)
I enjoyed the way you turned this catch 22 situation into a positive outcome.
This is a very valuable learning experience going through this process.
Is “Meryl”, Meryl Streep by any chance? Just asking.
Hi Belinda.
Introspection, reflection = feminine energy. That last part about “simple, liberating truths” is perfect. Why does it have to be HARD? :-)
Hi Jim.
Yep. Meryl Streep is my favourite actress; I chose that name on purpose. Plus, I like that name, too.
If you don’t like the story you are telling yourself, rewrite it.
Well put.
Thanks for this. Fabulous post indeed.
Hi Molly.
You’re very welcome. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. “Write On!” :-)
In truth, reality is never as the mind perceives it to be. Perception itself clouds the truth, based on ingrained beliefs of what is possible or not. To remember you exist in the present as a limitless being made of pure love, transforms everything. Fear only exists in the illusion of the past or future.
.-= Liara Covert´s last blog ..Practice the Middle Way =-.
Liara,
I had to think about this one :) I get the bit about living in the now and the illusion of fear, but there was more there that I couldn’t put my finger on. Now what I’m getting is that even by considering the past or the future is stepping out of the now to a “false” place of perception. That alone can cause a disconnect. Am I even close?
Comments on this entry are closed.
{ 1 trackback }