Stoic & The Opening Line Stoic & The Opening Line | Shades of Crimson

Stoic & The Opening Line

by Davina on September 5, 2010

The following two short, short stories are my versions of the creative writing challenge that you’ve all been following for the past few weeks. They were written about a month ago as a practice exercise for a summer writing class.


Timothy-grass gathered around their blanket, hushed at attention, encircling them in the sweet aroma of a hot August afternoon.

Swell, Rena.”

In the magnitude of this space Rena watched heat waves shimmer upward, her gaze momentarily distracted from her novel. Handsome typography rendered a story, now paused.

She stared. A fly lingered, tickling; her senses stoic. Her heart, for now, locked safely in a closet, bathed in light streaming through the keyhole. Eyes closed, locked tight, the sun burned white behind her lids.

One tear escaped. Jerome lay beside her, newly clothed in death. Stoic; his story too, paused.

Photo credit: Cupcakes2

Okay, so Stoic was a little heavy and a little dark; I admit. The following short, short story should lighten things up a bit, though. I’m taking this opportunity to introduce you to a new set of nine words if you’d like to practice with another creative writing exercise. The words are in bold.

The Opening Line

Spider was cute. Jody had been eyeing him all evening. Beautiful blue eyes, tall, dreamy looking in that beige sports jacket.

Oblivious to having an audience, but make no mistake; he’d noticed her. Their eyes locked and he’d looked away, shyly.

She waited now, perched coyly on the sofa as he approached. Nervous, she had to adjust her position as he sat. Her ears were ringing. Could she manage one sentence?

His fingers were yellow – a smoker. Perfect. She casually offered him a match. He looked puzzled, then followed her gaze to his fingers.

He smiled; “Turmeric. I’m a chef.”

Photo credit: Shandi-Lee

What was this process like for me?:

“Loads of fun! I love to play with words, weaving symbols and patterns into the writing. I find that creating the mood with animals, objects, metaphors, etc. as a secondary plot to the main plot or characters, help to inspire the process and add dimension to the story. For me personally, nature inspires emotional hooks and in Stoic, Mother Nature played a role in setting the mood. She supplied the background and offered up the drama that ushered you to the bitter end. Two stories, paused.

The Opening Line was difficult, thanks to turmeric. I was determined to not make this about turmeric and funnily enough, it ended up being the last of the nine words used. This was the fourth version (I can’t remember the others). The first involved a man in a phone booth, about to make a call to his mother in a nursing home, while being watched by a spider and lighting a cigarette, taking note of two pedestrians passing by who were going over their grocery list. It didn’t excite me. LOL. Maybe you can do better :-)

Please feel free to try your hand at this new set of nine words. Maybe you can use them in one or two sentences. Or, write a poem, or whatever comes to you.

Thanks again everyone for following along with this creative writing series. These past few weeks have offered up more than I could have imagined… thanks to you.

Special Note: This weekend, until Monday at midnight, I am writing, writing, writing. On Thursday a friend sent me a link to a 3-Day Novel Contest.

1st Prize: Publication*
2nd Prize: $500
3rd Prize: $100

*The first prize winner will be offered a publishing contract by 3-Day Books after the winner announcement in the January following the contest. Once the contract is signed, the winning novel will be edited, published and released by the next year’s contest. 3-Day Books are distributed by Arsenal Pulp Press.

I can’t resist the challenge and so I’m jumping in. At the time of writing this post (Sat p.m.) I have a headache :-o, 10 pages written and about 3/4 of the story structure planned. Considering I’ve only actually been writing for five hours, I’m not doing too badly. As for the rest, I’m counting on the characters to show me the way. This is going to be interesting.

There may be a delay in my replies to your comments and you may not see me around the blogosphere for a few days. But trust me… I’m here… cursing that friend who sent me the link to this contest, lol. Wish me luck. If I can complete a novel in this three-day period (max 100 pages, double-spaced), that will be considered winning in my books. Good Lord!

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Hilary September 5, 2010 at 1:11 am

Hi Davina .. I love your Stoic story .. I can feel the gnats and mozzies in swarms around me as I imagine them rising from the grass. It is as you say a dark story..but so much being told in those 100 words. & you’ve used Timothy grass .. I don’t think any of us will forget that grass now!

The Spider story .. is definitely lighter .. and there’s hope .. and I love your take on Turmeric ..yes it was the word that floored me! …

I wrote mine a while ago .. I’ll email you with it .. then you can publish when you like .. or ask me to put it through …

More Importantly .. good luck with the Challenge .. sounds daunting – but I know you’ll win through .. as you offered me the opportunity to try my hand at ‘free writing’ .. I’d have never have known I could do it .. til I did! .. so you’re doing yours .. it’ll be a huge learning curve ..have fun .. I’ll be thinking of you for the next few days … Hilary
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Emoticons- Book Packaging- ebooks what was the future- is now the past =-.

Jannie Funster September 5, 2010 at 6:31 am

Second! I’m second commenter at Davina’s!!!

(Now, to read what will no doubt fill my morning with wonder and make me go yet again, “Dang, Davina really is a special writer…)

I’m second commenter, I’m second commenter!! (Unless someone else is writing as furiously as I to comment, so….
.-= Jannie Funster´s last blog ..Is it too late =-.

Jannie Funster September 5, 2010 at 6:46 am

OMG on the first one, Davina. How did Jeremy die is what I wanna know? Was he a human or her beloved old dog she took out for a nice meadow day? What a well-crafted piece.

And tumeric — I so did not see that coming! Hmn, bet that was an instant game-changer for potential love. :)

I LOVE the new 9 words too!!! Will see if I can weave them into a short poem again. Your phone booth offering sounds interesting too, but the Tumeric you ended at is reallly really great.

And I think you will be hugging the friend who sent you the link to the contest.


P.S. Dang, you’re a special writer!!
.-= Jannie Funster´s last blog ..Is it too late =-.

vered September 5, 2010 at 1:55 pm

The ending of Stoic took me by surprise. Dark – yes. But I loved it.

Mike September 5, 2010 at 5:56 pm

Nice work.

OK, I’ve tried my hand at this new set of nine words. The title is “The Sentence” and I’ve posted it on Exit78.
.-= Mike´s last blog ..The Sentence =-.

Davina September 5, 2010 at 6:56 pm

Hi Hilary,
We’ve made timothy famous here :-) I love the smell of timothy during haying season. I’d love to see your turmeric story, Hilary. I won’t be publishing any writing challenges for a bit; taking a short break. If you like, I can save it for later, or you can share it here in the comment section or on your blog. I can’t wait to read it.

Thanks for the good wishes about the challenge. I had a setback this morning with a headache. Didn’t start writing until 1pm and now I’m way behind. Oh well. I’m not giving up.

Awh, thank you :-) I get excited when I’m at the top of the commenter list on YOUR blog, lol. That is an excellent question about Jerome. I had envisioned him as a person; her mate who just passes away after a long illness. But hey, it could be a pooch too. We have the power to make these stories ANYTHING we want.

Hi Vered.
Oh goodie! I’m glad it took you by surprise. Yay :-)

Hi Mike.
Thanks. I’ve just been by your blog to read your version of the turmeric words. Awesome *grins* I love it! Thanks for getting in the game. I read how persistent you were in making this work… and you did.

Joy September 5, 2010 at 9:04 pm

Hi Davina,
I *love* friends who challenge us to rise! I just wrote about mine today…brings me to places I never knew I could go…May you enjoy the process of crafting this story:) How exciting!
And wow…that first story..dark, yes..but amazing…
And’ll have us all researching how to use it as flavor in our next recipe:)
.-= Joy´s last blog ..Wednesday Wisdom- The Power and Magic of Words =-.

J.D. Meier September 6, 2010 at 11:12 am

Good luck with your writing.

> I’m counting on the characters to show me the way
I like that … a character-driven approach.
.-= J.D. Meier´s last blog ..Conflict Books =-.

Linda September 6, 2010 at 11:47 am

Stoic is an excellently written piece. As others have already said, though it is dark and somewhat sad. The one with the yellow-fingered chef is a much lighter read. All interesting. Continued luck on your novel.

Sara September 6, 2010 at 12:21 pm


I loved both stories. I love that your sense of humor comes out so readily in your writing…even in Stoic:~) And I loved the twist at the end of “The Opening Line.” JC would appreciate that one, being a chef!

I hope your fingers are flying across the keys and that your characters are having wonderful conversation, full of sassy humor:~)
.-= Sara´s last blog ..Story Photo- The Book Cover =-.

Tony Single September 6, 2010 at 3:53 pm

Good luck with the contest, Davina. I hope you complete your 3-day novel. How cool will that be? :)

I also loved both of your short story challenges. The first was my favourite, although I suspect that that’s because I have a personal inclination towards dark anyway. :)

Patricia September 7, 2010 at 1:10 pm

I thought about you all weekend and wondered how you were doing…then I would happy dance.

I like your two stories and your process sharing…good teaching tools..

Glad you hear you are happy dancing yourself on Tuesday am…YES!

You are such a bundle of talent…so nice of you to share your gifts with all of us :)

Davina September 7, 2010 at 1:56 pm

Hi Joy,
It was an experience I will never forget! Ever. I love witnessing when a person has gone to a “new” place. Oh, the wonder, the curiosity, the adventure, and the innocence.

Hi JD,
Thank you. It was tough but I made it through. The characters really did come alive. The ideas I’d had kept shifting as the story was being written. Brilliant experience.

I know :-) At first I wasn’t sure if I ‘should’ post it. But, creativity is creativity. The turmeric piece did offer up a nice balance. Thanks for the comment re the novel. It went extremely well — even better than I’d imagined.

I’m interested to know what you found comical in Stoic. Was it the fly… how it lingered? :)

How did I not know that JC was a chef?! I don’t recall ever hearing that. Maybe I’ve just forgotten. Man… you’re lucky!

Thank you. I did complete — woopee! :-) I’m on Cloud 9 today. We share that inclination toward the ‘dark’; funny that I don’t write it more. You do a fantastic job with writing this on your blog.

Thanks for the happy dance and the support, lol. I’m glad you found something useful in the process sharing. If you come back by the comment section, I’d love to know what stood out for you and how you think you might use it for your creative process.

You have no idea how much pleasure it brings me to be able to write and share — and to know that people are enjoying what they are reading. Just the writing process itself… it’s like taking a walk in nature, only it’s an adventure through the heart, the mind and the soul. It is incredibly special. After this weekend I have no doubt in my mind that writing is my passion. I have been moved deeply by this experience. I will never be the same :-) It is all good.

Patricia September 7, 2010 at 2:26 pm

What I am still thinking about in the process was how many times you wrote up an story using just those 9 words…in each case….I think it was important for me to read that because it stuck in my head….I think I do that process in my head and not on paper…I am constantly writing in my head – especially when cooking or walking and I do several edits in there too….finally when I get to the paper and pencil or computer I put down a version I like and then edit that story several times…
I think too from reading your comments – writing is not my passion, it is one vehicle for communication my passion…I am still passing round that my passion is inspiring (which is not doing it for you) and being an ideas person, – assisting a person, place or thing in becoming better…

jannie funster September 7, 2010 at 7:04 pm

Happy dancing today, yay!!!


P.S What is the deadline again for the second 9 words??

xoxo again.
.-= jannie funster´s last blog ..Without further ado… =-.

Hilary September 7, 2010 at 11:34 pm

Hi Davina .. so pleased you made it .. but your story writing is great – definitely not sure I could string 50,000 words together .. definitely sure I could speak them or write them .. but in one cohesive piece – that takes some doing .. so fantastic ..

Somewhere you said you weren’t doing another 9 words like last time and if I wanted to do them as a story ..I did a while ago .. I could just post them .. so here goes:

Spider Man

The beige theatre fire-curtain rose; the bell was ringing; she knew Alfa man maybe a mistake .. but her turmeric coloured, thread spangled dress (a match for her svelte figure) should entice him into her web – shouldn’t it? He was a Romeo though .. could she adjust to his way of life, live under that sentence of ‘what next’, ‘who next’ or even ‘where next’?

The audience waited; the show proved glorious; what now as they left together? He jumped into his sparkling polished black Spider and roared off – now she knew what next … darkness, no firmament.

100 words .. but I can’t work out how to bold or highlight the nine ..

Enjoy today with the success of the whole process behind you .. well done – it’s just wonderful you enjoy it so much .. Hilary
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Emoticons- Book Packaging- ebooks what was the future- is now the past =-.

Davina September 8, 2010 at 12:16 am

I think that’s the sign of a true writer… someone who is always “writing in their head”. That’s one reason why we may not feel the need to actually sit down and write regularly… because on another level, we’re doing it all the time. We forget about bringing the writing to the third dimension… the piece of paper or the computer screen, lol :-)

It sounds like you are describing yourself more as a creative thinker, rather than a creative writer.

Lol… thanks :-) There ain’t no deadline for the second set of nine words (unless you want me to give YOU one – heh, heh). There isn’t an official writing challenge on deck… HOWEVER, if you wanna write those nine words up and guest post them here, I’d love that! This could become a regular feature for Shades of Crimson — maybe once or twice a month. Hm; now you’ve got me thinking. Perhaps you readers could challenge one another with different sets of 9 words?

Thank you. This has been so much fun; not just the writing, but the cheering on from my Buds :-) I love this!

OMG… What you’ve written here is BRILLIANT!!! Fantastic, even. :-) “a match for her svelte figure” Oooh la la. You’ve outdone yourself Hilary. This is a masterpiece. Thank you!

I edited your comment to insert the bold on the nine words. I’ve attempted to describe below how to bold the words, using the word “beige” as an example… If it doesn’t work for you, just email me and I’ll try to explain it another way….

On one side of the word beige, type the word “strong” (without the quote marks) inside of these pointy-style brackets… <> and on the other side of the word beige, do the same thing, but insert a forward slash like this… / between the < bracket and the word strong. You don’t have to put any spaces between the brackets and the word “beige”.

Hilary September 8, 2010 at 12:45 am

Thanks Davina .. just glad you enjoyed the Spider story .. now I’m going to try bold …

here goes

Not sure if this is going to work … because you’ve used dunno ..

Let’s see …
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Emoticons- Book Packaging- ebooks what was the future- is now the past =-.

Hilary September 8, 2010 at 12:46 am

It didn’t even do it!!!!!!!!!! Cheers .. I’m off now … & I’ll wait for your email .. to have another go ..
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Emoticons- Book Packaging- ebooks what was the future- is now the past =-.

Davina September 8, 2010 at 1:34 am

Hey there, Hilary.
Just emailed you with more bolding instructions.

Hilary September 8, 2010 at 1:45 am

Hi Davina .. thanks ..

first .. copying yours: The beige theatre fire-curtain rose;

Now trying mine: The turmeric theatre fire-curtain rose;

I only put in one set of s .. so no wonder it didn’t work! & it ignored it .. like ghostly words .. not there or there perhaps?!

Sleep tight when you get there .. Hilary
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Emoticons- Book Packaging- ebooks what was the future- is now the past =-.

Hilary September 8, 2010 at 1:46 am

Yea it worked

I hope this does too .. !
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Emoticons- Book Packaging- ebooks what was the future- is now the past =-.

Chris Edgar September 8, 2010 at 7:54 am

I can just imagine the romance novel title: “A Chef Named Spider.” Featuring a hunky guy in a chef’s uniform, with of course his pectorals practically bursting out of the white smock. And a spider tattoo. Ooh, with the tattoo and the edgy name of the male lead, maybe it could be a vampire romance.

Davina September 8, 2010 at 9:04 am

LOL… you’re a bold woman! :-) Glad this worked.

Yeah… a spider tattoo. Excellent idea!! :) Oh, man… and a vampire romance. This has possibilities. You’ve got a great imagination, Chris. Love this!

Hilary September 8, 2010 at 9:29 am

Hi Davina .. it sure did ..

@ Chris .. I loved your take on this one .. I’d forgotten you’re a song writer and musician at heart too .. talents hidden away .. but
spider tattoo is just wonderful .. leading to all kinds of interesting ideas ..

Enjoy your coffee and wake up session .. yup – winding down here .. but must pop up and see my mother ..

Enjoy today too … lots of rain here .. Hilary
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Emoticons- Book Packaging- ebooks what was the future- is now the past =-.

Davina September 8, 2010 at 10:27 am

LOL, Hilary,
You’re a hoot. I love your sparking personality in the comment section. :-)
Hey, now that you’ve got the bold down pat… try italic.

Follow the same procedure but replace strong with em

Hilary September 8, 2010 at 11:12 pm

Hi Davina .. now I’m on the coffee .. preparing for a trip to London town to see a Map Exhibition at the British Library .. it closes next week .. so have been wanting to see it for ages. Fortunately less rain today!

So let’s see if I can do bold more boldly she italicised goes .. coding built in too!

The problem is .. it’s like lemon juice coding .. it’s not there – if you make a mess of it ….. or you need to tell someone you’ve been brilliant doing italicisation too – if not the lemon juice has kicked in – rather than the coffee!

Bye – have a good day today .. or if you’re still up – a good night .. Hilary
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Emoticons- Book Packaging- ebooks what was the future- is now the past =-.

Barbara Swafford September 10, 2010 at 12:24 am

Hi Davina,

I read your writings and marvel at your ability to spin a tale in such a way I’m captivated by each word. The spider story reminded me of your stay at the cabin where you kept an eye on your spider friend throughout your stay.

I enjoyed the second story too. The turmeric twist at the end was perfect. :)
.-= Barbara Swafford´s last blog ..Blog For Sale =-.

Davina September 10, 2010 at 10:24 am

You’re making me giggle. :-) I’m shaking with laughter LOL You can’t see it, but trust me… I’m chuckling. No “lemon juice coding”…

Thanks Barbara :)
This is something that I just *love* to do… so much! It brings me joy to know that a reader is captivated by the words. I guess it’s about knowing there has been a connection made for them… somewhere inside.

You have a great memory… re that spider at the cabin. I still think of her, you know? Rachael.

Hilary September 10, 2010 at 12:46 pm

Hi D^D~ >D+D …. please don’t rock and roll too much – the shakes might reach here & we’re not used to shaking earthquakes?! but v. glad you enjoyed my lemon juicing codings .. how about sunglasses?

How about bold spider .. I ‘remembers’ her too, like Barbara, .. so when the new words appeared … but I couldn’t relate .. til I looked outside and saw Alfa Romeo Spider .. black .. and t’ought .. ha ha .. my story as a few bases .. and didn’t he just .. til he roared off .. now I’m emoticonning …. am I?

enjoy the weekend .. Hilary
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Emoticons- Book Packaging- ebooks what was the future- is now the past =-.

Belinda Munoz + The Halfway Point September 10, 2010 at 1:49 pm

Hey Davina, I came back to read your response to my comment but it seems my comment got gobbled up. I hate when that happens!

You are SO good at this!

I LOVE these lines: Her heart, for now, locked safely in a closet, bathed in light streaming through the keyhole. Eyes closed, locked tight, the sun burned white behind her lids.

And the second story also hooked me. Turmeric stains on his hands! How clever and it changes everything about her perception of him, doesn’t it? Maybe he’s a health food nut and suddenly, her being okay with him being a smoker is completely turned around. A man full of intrigue.

LOVE it all! I want to read more of your work!

Davina September 10, 2010 at 2:20 pm

Thanks, Hilary.
LOL…. You’ve had WAY too much coffee! :-D *giggle* “Alpha Romeo Spider” — hmm… I could maybe warm up to spiders after all. You have a good weekend too.

Hi Belinda.
That’s odd! I didn’t receive your comment at all; not in moderation or in spam. I’m glad you came back :)

Wow, thanks for your compliments; I’m grinning hugely, thrilled that you enjoyed both of these. I like your thoughts about the switch in perception in The Opening Line. You could actually launch into a short story with this, couldn’t you? I hope to share more of my work; this Sunday a short story is coming.

But I’d also like to continue inviting readers, such as yourself to join in with their own creative writing. That would be fun!

Tess The Bold Life September 10, 2010 at 5:09 pm

I just read your comment at Lori’s blog and had to come and congratulate you on your writing contest. You go my friend…I’m sending you creative and loving energy. May your writing flow, flow flow. xo hugs Tess
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Naked in Eden with Robin Easton =-.

Jim September 10, 2010 at 6:43 pm

Stoic is a little dark and sad. I find the ending great.
Who is Jerome? What did he die of? Was he murdered? Is he a person?
Sure leaves a lot for my imagination to ponder.

I sure did not see the turmeric ending coming.
This reminds me to try quit smoking, once my stress level comes down.
Congratulations on finishing your novel I know you were not feeling well and could not take advantage of the 72 hours allowed to finish.
Way to go! Davina

Linda September 10, 2010 at 6:48 pm

Hi Davina, I had to have a go at the 2nd set of 9 words. I had this roughed out last week, but it needed a tweak here and there for flow, and I just got back to it. I tried the bolding instructions – please fix if I messed up.

The Contest

The audience was seated; the judges ready. This year’s contestants were an even match. Without so much as a sentence spoken, the ringing of the bell signaled the start. Soon the competition was in full swing, but contestant number one’s rice was an unappealing beige against the bright blue bowl. Make no mistake, it was time to adjust the seasoning. Tension mounted as the cook paused momentarily…”ah yes, turmeric. That’s perfect!” Now he turned to the pot of bubbling oil where his delicate crab puffs were frying, and shouted, “can someone hand me a spider“?

Hilary September 10, 2010 at 11:34 pm

Hi Davina .. thanks .. and look we got someone else boldly going – where Linda and I had feared to tread before!

@Linda .. another completely different take – great fun .. and sometimes contestant’s food looks awful doesn’t it .. and I loved your take on spider … another sort altogether ..

Have good weekends .. Hilary
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Emoticons- Book Packaging- ebooks what was the future- is now the past =-.

Davina September 10, 2010 at 11:42 pm

Hi Tess.
Thank you! :-) That means a lot to me, coming from a fellow writer such as yourself.

Hi Jim.
You can make up what Jerome is. It’s there for your imagination. When I was writing this, my intention was that Rena and Jerome were an older couple and Jerome had not been feeling well. They had gone out to enjoy an afternoon in nature. He just passed away, quietly, while resting. One of the best ways and best places to go, in my opinion. Surrounded by nature, at peace, with a loved one by his side. Not so great for Rena I suppose. But still… in a way, because of my love of nature… I imagine that she was being supported by the place; by where she was at that moment.

This is beautiful! I think we have to do something with these wonderful submissions that are coming to this comment section. Maybe I should save them and post them as guest posts in a few weeks? Or, you could post this on your blog. This is TOO good to hide away — just like Hilary’s.

Is this like a television episode of Iron Chef? You’ve done an excellent job using the nine words — they read naturally, as if you chose them yourself. Wow! And you created some suspense, too. I love it. Not so great for the spider though, lol.

I’m just so thrilled to see people having so much fun with these challenges. :-)

Davina September 10, 2010 at 11:44 pm

Hi Hilary.
You snuck in there! :-) It seems that spider and turmeric are wrestling for the spotlight. This has been quite an educational comment section hasn’t it? I’m about to go offline and get some shut-eye… and here you are just starting your morning. Into the coffee no doubt ;-) Have a great day, Hilary.

Hilary September 11, 2010 at 12:31 am

Hi Davina .. how right you are .. must get on now though! Enjoy your sleep .. and have a good weekend tomorrow! Cheers H
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Emoticons- Book Packaging- ebooks what was the future- is now the past =-.

Linda September 11, 2010 at 7:49 am

Hi Davina, and thank you. I didn’t realize until after it was written the connection to the Iron Chef. These exercises are a lot of fun, and they challenge us to incorporate certain elements into our writing, or in my case to write something around those elements. Either way, it’s still fun.

Hilary, I owe my use of the “spider” to my husband. I had forgotten about that kind. The original ending had a spider crawling out of the container of turmeric. The new ending was much better.

Hilary September 11, 2010 at 9:50 am

Hi Linda .. actually .. it doesn’t tell me which .. spider crab, or spider utensil? I guess the utensil .. but you could have been deep frying the crab too .. as a decoration …?!

Names of things .. open up a can of worms .. so interesting the different connotations ..

Have a good weekend .. both of you! … Hilary
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Emoticons- Book Packaging- ebooks what was the future- is now the past =-.

Lori September 11, 2010 at 5:39 pm

I’m so late to this post that I know you were a smashing success during your 3-day challenge — but hey, better late than never right? Congrats, Davina!

I love this site, you are so creative and enliven my mind like sparks from a battery.

Ifn’s you don’t mind, I’m going to take a stab at your nine-word challenge.

Spider veins clawed under the tip of her beige dress adorned with fuchsia ribbons. Beauty and wisdom danced.

The audience sat in silence as the shapes were formed by her feet using ash traced onto the drop cloth. Not one mistake would be seen, she’d learned to adjust her dance to any situation. And today’s dance held deep importance.

With traditional Indian melodies ringing into the crowd, each symbolic sentence would match the beating of her heart and would follow the traces of her feet. The painted yellow curls on her body made from a tumeric paste marked this celebration of her daughter’s entry into menarche. Hear the pounding beat of womanhood.

.-= Lori´s last blog ..Fiercely Caring =-.

Lori September 11, 2010 at 5:50 pm

Ooopps! I just realized I went over the 100-word limit — damn!
I’ll pay more attention to that next time. I got caught away with the writing, but I suppose that’s a good thing. :)
Funny thing, too, since one of my constant struggles with writing is being concise — removing the darlings and fluff.
(Thanks, Davina!)

Davina September 11, 2010 at 7:15 pm

Happy weekend to you too :)

You’re welcome. That’s a good way to put it; to write something around those elements. After doing a few of these and seeing what everyone else has come up with I think this has a way of increasing our flexibility as a writer. Ew… I may never use turmeric again! LOL.

Hi Lori.
Woo hoo! Another one! :-) Thanks for joining in.

I love how turmeric flavoured this one with a trip to Indian tradition. You really got my attention with this one. And your descriptions were captivating; I read intently, wanting to know what the woman was dancing for. Just beautiful. Spiritual. Sensual.

You’re only 12 words over. That’s so easy to fix. But hey, rules are meant to be broken right? I love this. Thanks!

Hilary September 12, 2010 at 12:18 am

Hi Lori and Davina .. lovely story .. and yet another turmeric take .. wonderful you incorporated ballet …

Great – have good Sundays .. Hilary
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Emoticons- Book Packaging- ebooks what was the future- is now the past =-.

Jannie Funster September 12, 2010 at 4:58 pm

Dearest Davina,

Back in my dressing room with my beige brassiere now joyfully flung and my wedgied undies adjusted, (was a mistake to have worn the thong) my ears were still ringing with the applause of another wild audience.

Could anything match being called for encore after encore, I wondered, as I slugged my chablis and reached for another caviar turmeric canape from the tray shaped like my Alpha Romeo Spider.

And I answered myself yet again. “Nope! This is one life sentence I can handle.”


.-= Jannie Funster´s last blog ..And Now She Is 9 =-.

Davina September 13, 2010 at 12:51 am

Hi Hilary.
I had lentil stew today… with turmeric :)

Ahahah!!! This is brilliant! I love how you resurrected the bra flinging and the wedgie wedding undies. And the tray shaped like the Alpha Romeo Spider. This is one wild chick. :-) Stipper? Pole dancer? Chorus girl? Just great. Thanks, Jannie.

Hilary September 13, 2010 at 10:15 am

Hi Davina .. lentil stew and turmeric .. sounds good!

@Jannie .. very clever weaving it all together with your bra and wedgies … and I loved the Alpha take .. correctly spelt!

Loads of fun – all these interactions .. Hilary
.-= Hilary´s last blog ..Emoticons- Book Packaging- ebooks what was the future- is now the past =-.

Jannie Funster September 15, 2010 at 4:05 am


Well, a raginly famous SINGER, of course!! What else?? :) :)

And really, I spelled Alpha correctly? My beloved Alpha Romeo Spider, ahhh the mies we’ve seen togeteher, even if I can’t spell together.

.-= Jannie Funster´s last blog ..“Spirit!” Funny Keyword Searches — Summer 2010 =-.

Davina September 15, 2010 at 1:45 pm

The lentil stew was very good. Yum!

Oh for crying out loud! A singer! Duh. Why didn’t I put two and two together. Groan. :-)

It had to be the mention of the bra and undies that threw me.

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