Guest Post: The Call Guest Post: The Call | Shades of Crimson

Guest Post: The Call

by Davina on April 14, 2011

Hi folks. I have a surprise guest post for the blog today, as a favour to a friend of mine.

Although I still plan on posting more about grammar in the future, I’m sure you will welcome some creative writing for a change of pace.

Sara’s blog, A Sharing Connection, is undergoing a server transfer and there is a chance that some of her posts may be lost in the process. She’s worked diligently on this piece with the goal to post and link to The Red Dress Club on Friday.

The Red Dress Club is an online writer’s community, created for writers to share their writing and exchange ideas. Each week there is a different writing prompt for a writing challenge. I hope you enjoy Sara’s piece, entitled “Crisis Call.”

A brief note from Sara:

Hello to Davina’s readers, my readers and readers from The Red Dress Club. This is a fiction piece based on the following prompt:

“In the middle of the night, you get an urgent call from a friend you haven’t talked to in years. Something terrible has happened. What is it and why is he/she calling you?” There is a 700-word limit.

I hope you enjoy this story. I welcome and encourage constructive feedback.

Thank you very much, Davina, for agreeing to put up my story on your blog :~)

Thanks in advance everyone, for reading and for your feedback.

Sara Healy

Crisis Call

Digging my toes in the warm sand, holding Ben’s hand, I felt blissfully happy. Then, I heard the ring. It kept getting louder and louder. Ben and the beach faded to wherever dead people and dreams go, and I woke up in my dark bedroom. It was almost dawn.

My phone was ringing. I grabbed it, but didn’t even get it to my ear before I heard a woman screaming, “H-h-h-he’s deaaaaaad! I shot him! Oh my God. Please, oh please, help me! He came at me so fast. The gun just went off…”

Stepping immediately into my crisis counselor role, I said, “It’s okay. Try to calm down so you can talk.” The woman took several hiccuping breaths while my hands felt around for my cell phone to notify the police. Then she was silent.

“Are you there? I need your address immediately.” I hoped she hadn’t hung up. Sometimes transferred calls got lost.

Her frantic voice returned, “Oh my God, I don’t believe it. I shot my husband! Please help me, Tessa!”

I didn’t know how she knew my name, but there wasn’t time to ask. We had more important information to talk about.

“Don’t hang up. Stay on the phone with me. Can you give me your address?” I asked again.

“305 Country Lane. I thought we’d finally be happy here… Greg and I.” She was wistful until she added, “But he wouldn’t stop hitting me, no matter what I did!”

Feeling her panic increasing, I diverted her. “I’ll help you, but you’ve got to help me first. Do you or your husband need medical help?  Check his pulse and see if he’s breathing.”

I heard rustling as she moved about. “He’s dead.” Her voice wobbled, but there was also relief.

“What about you?” I asked.

“I’m okay… for now,” she replied.

“I still need your name.”

She hesitated before replying, “Tessa, it’s Janine Turner. I wouldn’t have called you, but I didn’t know who else to call.” Her voice trailed into silence.

Anger rushed through me. I hadn’t seen Janine since the accident five years ago. We’d been best friends until she’d had an affair with my husband, Ben. I’d believed he would end it, but that didn’t happen. One night, I got a call from the police. They told me Janine’s car had hit a tree. She was thrown clear, but Ben was killed instantly. I hated her for being alive, while Ben was dead. I swore we’d never talk again and we hadn’t, until now.

Then it hit me. Janine had called me; not the crisis line! Swallowing hard, I asked her to wait a minute. Dialing the 911 operator on my cell, I gave him the pertinent information.

Returning to Janine, I said flatly, “The police are on their way. Are you hurt?”

Janine said, “Well, I’m better than Greg.” A laugh bubbled up and I stifled it. Janine always had a dark sense of humor. Then she added, “My nose is broken, my right eye’s swollen, and I think I have some broken ribs.”

Without thinking, I said sarcastically, “Why don’t you tell me what’s really wrong!” I heard Janine laughing until she winced in pain. I’d forgotten how I loved her laugh.

Both of us were quiet and then I said, “I didn’t recognize your voice. I’m a volunteer counselor at the Women’s Shelter and on call tonight. I thought that’s why you called.”

“No, I called you, Tessa. I’ve wanted to talk to you so much. Tonight, after what happened, you were the one I wanted to talk to. Crap, I’ve messed up my life, big time, haven’t I?”

I heard the defeat in her voice, but didn’t expect what she said next: “I need you, Tessa. I need a friend. Can you come over?”

I didn’t question my decision; sometimes you just know what’s right. I spoke quickly to Janine, “I’ll be there in a jiffy. My shift is over anyway. Don’t say anything to the police until I get there. By the way, you’re in luck; in addition to my volunteer work, I’m a damned good lawyer. You’re not alone anymore Janine; we’ll get through this together.”

NOTE: This post is receiving a large amount of spam, so comments have been closed. If you would like to contact the author of this story to comment, you can reach Sara at her blog, A Sharing Connection.

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Nadya Booyse April 15, 2011 at 1:54 am

Great writing and a great story. All the best with the server stuff Sara!
Nadya Booyse´s last blog post ..3 hearts and a forest

Teresa Kander April 15, 2011 at 5:50 am

Lots of surprises in there….great job! Would love to hear more of this story!!
Teresa Kander´s last blog post ..Midnight Madness

Erica M April 15, 2011 at 9:49 am

Lots of twists and turns in there! Your protagonist is bad ass. Kill my husband and see if I help you. Um, nope.

Vered April 15, 2011 at 10:00 am

Loved it! Great writing.

Almost makes me want to try my hand at fiction writing too. :-)
Vered´s last blog post ..Olive Oil Tasting In Barcelona- Grandma’s Onion Rolls- and a Giveaway!

Davina April 15, 2011 at 10:52 am

Hi Sara.

First off, I’m delighted to host your story. I can understand your frustration with having the server transfer interfere with your posting of this story. I love how you’ve found a way around this. And I love your enthusiasm for your writing. I do have a few comments to offer up this morning….

My absolute favourite line of this was: “Ben and the beach faded to wherever dead people and dreams go, and I woke up in my dark bedroom.” That was SO awesome. It startled me because you don’t envision a peaceful beach setting with dead people! And then I wondered where the story was going with the mention of dead people. That was a great hook in the very first few sentences. Well done!

There are a few things I found myself considering and here are my comments:

1. You wrote: “I hoped she hadn’t hung up. Sometimes transferred calls got lost.”
This is contradictory in a way. Losing a call and having someone hang up are two different things. Did you mean to suggest there were a number of ways the call could have been lost, or perhaps you just meant to say, “I hoped she hadn’t been disconnected.”

2. When she says “Well, I’m better than Greg,” I feel it needs more description in how she said it… to lead into why Tessa stifled a giggle. Maybe something like: “I’m better than Greg,” was her sarcastic response.

3. I have a few other points to make about this paragraph: “Well, I’m better than Greg.” A laugh bubbled up and I stifled it. Janine always had a dark sense of humor. Then she added, “My nose is broken, my right eye’s swollen, and I think I have some broken ribs.”

– Start a new paragraph after Janine’s first statement. It initially reads that perhaps it is Janine’s laugh that is bubbling up.

– I feel like the broken ribs are too much, as I’m envisioning he initially hit her enough to break her nose and give her a black eye and send her running for her gun… not enough to knock her down, perhaps injuring her and preventing her from grabbing her gun quickly. Perhaps he was coming at her at second time and that’s when she had the gun ready and shot him. Perhaps this is just me being TOO detailed! :)

An alternative approach might be to write something like this (also adding visual cues to the reader to put them in the room with Janine and illustrate the drama of the setting):

“I think my nose is broken… ohhh, there’s blood everywhere, and I can’t see out of one eye… it’s swollen.

Is this the type of feedback you are looking for? I hope this has been helpful. Keep writing. You’re doing a great job.

Sara April 15, 2011 at 11:17 am

@ Nadya — Thank you for finding my story today. I really appreciate you reading it and sharing your thoughts about it. Hopefully, the server issue is over and things will get back to normal. I appreciate you mentioning this:~)

@ Teresa– We aim to surprise:~) I’m pleased you liked the story. Thank you very for reading it!

@ Erica — I understand what you’re saying. It was an accident, however. I knew this story would be difficult given the “affair” as well as the shooting of Janine’s husband. What I wanted to get across is that sometimes friendship crosses boundaries we don’t expect it to cross; perhaps even think it shouldn’t cross, but it does. I really appreciate you reading story and sharing your comments about it:~)

@ Vered — You such a good writer. You should try fiction and just see what happens:~) I appreciate you reading this story very much. Have a great weekend!

@ Davina — These are all excellent points! I’m not going to walk through each one, but I will definitely take them into consideration. I’m copying your comments so when I revise this story, I can use them to guide me.

It is very helpful when someone gives me this much detail about a writing. As a writer, the only way to improve is to get feedback from readers. Thanks for reading this story and for helping me out when my site was in lah-lah land:~)

Linda April 15, 2011 at 11:31 am

Hi Sara, I’m glad you were able to post your story. I hope you get your internet/server issues cleared up soon.

I enjoyed your story, and was drawn into the shared past between Tessa and Janine. They had all been through a lot. I was a bit startled, however, that Tessa released the pent up anger, hurt and betrayal she felt toward Janine, and quickly rushed to her aid offering up her legal services, stating they would get through this together. The turnabout seemed to happen too quickly, almost like she went through all the stages of grief in a matter of moments.

I realize with the word limit, it is hard to fully develop all the characters and their emotions as one would wish. I would like to know what transpires when they actually meet face to face. Has Tessa forgiven her or is it just her need to help someone in distress? Lot of good stuff here.

Davina April 15, 2011 at 11:45 am

Thanks to everyone who’s commented so far :-) I know Sara appreciates this.

That is an interesting point, Linda. It’s crossed my mind and I’m on the fence. Was just chatting about this with a friend on Facebook, actually. This is what I said:

I’m still torn about how I might feel if an x best friend who “stole” my husband, and then caused the crash that killed him, called me for help. But still, I think, given the severity of the situation, I might have let go of the past in just that instant. It’s hard to say what you might do until you’re in a situation like that.

This will make for some interesting conversation.

Sara, I would love to see how you might write this story so that it doesn’t have a happy ending ;-)

Davina April 15, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Hi Sara, you’re welcome, by the way… for the feedback. I love offering whatever occurs to me… there is more I’ve just thought of:

If this were to be a longer story… who would the main character be? At this point it’s not clear who the story is about because obviously both women have issues. Right now there is no “heroine” or standout for the reader to be rooting for or for them to hate, for example. Right now, it could be either Janine or Tessa.

Just something to consider, even for a story of this length. Knowing who your “hero” is will give you the opportunity to ask yourself what the character will be learning and how they will grow. You can then be proactive with the things they say and their actions to illustrate this growing they are going through, or to hint at the growth to come. You can nudge the reader into “their” story and you yourself, as the writer can coach the characters.

dawn April 15, 2011 at 12:14 pm

I’ve only been writing in blogs for a few months now, and only participated in a couple of TRDC prompt writings,, but I have my favorites already!! And you’re writing is surely one of them!

I’m not in a position to offer concrit as i am SO NEW to writing , but I am happy for you that you are getting some helpful feedback – it really is how we grow. Keep it up and I look forward to seeing you when you’re up and running again
dawn´s last blog post ..Cryptic Postcard

Sara April 15, 2011 at 12:59 pm

@ Linda — I really appreciate your feedback. I thought about what you’re saying. I did consider how the reader might interpret this and it might have helped if I had given a length of time since the accident. I do struggle with these word limits in getting my point across.

However, the purpose of this story was supposed to show how friendships can be reignited in very strange circumstances. Sometimes the emotions of a crisis change how people feel. That’s what I think happened to Tessa and Janine.

Thank you for reading the story and giving me feedback. It’s helpful. I will consider how to revise this so you hit that bump.

@ Davina — Thank you. I appreciate your thoughts about and I will consider them:~)

@ Dawn — I’m so pleased you are participating in TRDC. I think you will learn a lot about your writing. I hope you’re enjoying blogging. It’s so much fun and you meet wonderful people. I’m look forward to reading more of your writings, as well.

patricia April 15, 2011 at 1:11 pm

I liked it – and I had to read the first hook sentence (dead people and dreams) a couple of times, because I knew there would be connections to it.

First read – I liked it and enjoyed reading your words.

I am awful with dialogue

Good luck with the computer stuff and I also liked learning about the Red Writing Group
patricia´s last blog post ..Stress Reduction with Yoga

Valerie April 15, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Hi Sara! I loved this! It drew me in right away, and I could sense the inner struggle both women were facing as they reached out to each other-despite their past history.

Your dialog is so good-it’s something I struggle with, but yours sounded very natural.

Great job and I look forward to reading more of your writing:)
Valerie´s last blog post ..Flash Fiction- Cloak and Dagger

Mommylebron April 15, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Wow, this was really great! I love all the pent up emotion and the back story. I was a little reluctant at the end but after reading through the comments I get what your driving at. This piece is great because it leaves so many questions, leaving you lots of potential writing material!
Mommylebron´s last blog post ..Red Writing Hood- Sibling Rivalry

Ginny April 15, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Hi Sara,
I love this story. It grabbed me right from the start and I was so disappointed that I wasn’t going to find out more. The story could go in so many directions and I hope that we will learn more about what happens to both characters. It is not fair to leave the reader (me) hanging like this.
Ginny´s last blog post ..Happiness is

Julie Walraven | Marketing April 15, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Sara, I’m subscribed to Davina’s blog and I rarely get to read all of my subscribed posts. Today slowed down a bit for me and I kept this open until now so I could read it. Wow! I am so glad I did. As others said, you had me hooked all the way through and the end still surprised me. Excellent! Hope you keep writing!

As to the comment about forgiving so quickly, I guess I could identify with that. If someone called me in trouble, I would never let them face trouble alone, friend or foe.
Julie Walraven | Marketing´s last blog post ..Why your Protected Tweets don’t work for me

Talon April 15, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Thank you so much, Davina, for posting Sara’s story.

Sara, I hope the site construction work goes swiftly and with minimal damage :)

I really loved the lead-in to this story. Drew me right in. And I think Davina made some really good points.

Constructively speaking, two things struck me – how Janine went from being hysterical to making sick jokes about her husband’s demise…I get that people react strangely under severe stress, but the change was too much too soon within the confines of the story, I think. Also, I’m having trouble with Tess’s immediate offer of support for a woman who betrayed her with such tragic results.

I really liked how Tess was dreaming of happier times with Ben when she got this life-changing phone call. You did a lot of layering and that’s hard to do in a short story. I also like how you always tuck positivity into your stories. It’s something I really appreciate.
Talon´s last blog post ..Broken Calm

Jean Sampson April 15, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Hi Sara—-hope everything gets back to working order soon!
I loved the story and think this could be the opening chapter to your novel!
Being a poet, I don’t really feel qualified to critique your story. But I do admire all the strata you built the story on——quite a feat for so few words! You go, girl!

Jessica Anne April 15, 2011 at 7:32 pm

I thought this was a really rich story, very well done. I loved this, “Ben and the beach faded to wherever dead people and dreams go, and I woke up in my dark bedroom,” really beautiful.

I agree with what has already been said. It was maybe a little too easy for both of them that Tessa agreed to help so quickly. And I too thought the humor between them seemed too familiar given the situation, even for old friends.

Overall a great piece. And I love the idea of how friendship endures and survives.
Jessica Anne´s last blog post ..Dead

AmyBeth Inverness April 15, 2011 at 9:30 pm

I’m so glad you have a wonderful friend who hosted your post for this prompt!

Excellent previous comments… I can’t add since a lot of what I’d say has been said! I love “dead people and dreams”, and yes, the emotional shift is sometimes a bit quick.

I hope your transition goes smoothly!

Lynn April 16, 2011 at 3:28 am

Wow – the lawyer in her sure came out, huh? :)
Lynn´s last blog post ..Lining up for art- train travel and impromptu

Tanya Tringali April 16, 2011 at 4:28 am

Hi Sara,
So glad you stopped by my site and left your lovely comments. This piece was great. Very strong and I too was hooked from the get-go. I have found all of the comments really interesting and will think about them for my next piece as well.

You have a great site Davina, will definitely be back!
Tanya Tringali´s last blog post ..An Unforgettable Afternoon- Part 3

Sara April 16, 2011 at 9:38 am

@Patricia — Thanks for your comments on this story. I find dialogue an interesting challenge. The server is fixed…I hope:~) You should try The Red Dress Club. You’d probably enjoy it:~)

@Valerie — Thank you. I really appreciate your kind words, especially about the dialogue. I do find this challenging. It’s not easy to make sound natural. I appreciate your read of this story very much:~)

@Mommylebron –Thanks for reading the story and reading the comments. I knew when I wrote this story that I might make some people uncomfortable with the way the friendship kicks back in. I really do believe that you have special friendships that last through thick and thin. That’s what I wanted to say about Tessa and Janine.

@Ginny — Thanks very much for your comment. I also appreciate it when you read one of ventures into creative writing:~) With the word count, you almost always leave something hanging or at least I do. I pleased you liked the story.

@Julie — It’s nice that you got the part about friendship. I know I didn’t make it easy for people to understand this, given both the history of both women. I really appreciate your read of this story. I’m also pleased to meet one Davina’s readers. Talk about talent — Davina definitely has it:~)

@Talon — I understand and appreciate your comments as well as your suggestions. I have to differ with you on one point. I wouldn’t call this sick humor. It was dark humor.

This man was about to kill Janine and she survived. This changes normal emotional reactions. Also, consider what police do at murder scenes…they often use very dark humor to take them away from the situation. It’s a way of coping and not that uncommon, especially in a crisis.

I’m pleased you liked the opening. I’m very appreciative of your comments about this story. It’s helpful to see the different view points of readers, like you.

@Jean — I really appreciate you coming to Davina’s site to read this story. I suppose you know that Davina writes some great poetry. I’ve always envied poets. There’s such a beauty in putting words into a structure and making them sing.

I not sure about heading to chapters yet. There are people at The Red Dress Club who work the prompts into the on-going chapters of books they’re writing online. I always find this so clever!

Thanks very much for your comment:~)

@Jessica — I appreciate your comment and your thoughts about this story. I think it might be a better story if I increased my word count to allow for more character development and for the shifts in the story. Thanks very much for reading it:~)

@AmyBeth — Thanks for reading the story. I really appreciate you finding your way here.

@Lynn– That’s one way to put it:~) I know people struggled with the shifts in this story and that’s okay. I struggle very much to write a story with this word limit, but this is how I will learn.

@Tanya — Thanks for reading the story and I’m glad you liked it. Do come back to Davina’s site and definitely read her stories and her poems:~)
Sara´s last blog post ..Under Construction

Writerly Wanna Be April 16, 2011 at 12:32 pm

I have a long way to go as a writer, just getting started really, so my comment is more from reader perspective. Like the host, my favorite line was the start. After that the characters confused me. I was connecting to the giggling or the friendship. But like others, I am wondering if it just needed more words to build on who they were.

Sara April 16, 2011 at 2:09 pm

@ Writely Wanna Be — I put these stories for the reader perspective. They are to give me feedback. Can you tell me more about how the characters confused you? That would helpful. I wasn’t clear about what you meant about “the giggling or the friendship.”

I appreciate your read of the story and your feedback. I look forward to reading your writings very much:~)
Sara´s last blog post ..Under Construction

Writerly Wanna Be April 16, 2011 at 3:46 pm

In response to your questions:
From your piece:
Anger rushed through me. I hadn’t seen Janine since the accident five years ago. We’d been best friends until she’d had an affair with my husband, Ben. I’d believed he would end it, but that didn’t happen. One night, I got a call from the police. They told me Janine’s car had hit a tree. She was thrown clear, but Ben was killed instantly. I hated her for being alive, while Ben was dead. I swore we’d never talk again and we hadn’t, until now.

You took me here first…and I was right there with your character…anger. An affair and the loss of my husband…ANGER! If you had lost him to divorce, maybe then I could believe the next…

Janine said, “Well, I’m better than Greg.” A laugh bubbled up and I stifled it.

I had trouble being taken there as a reader. She killed her husband and is making a joke about it, I was already angry with her…and then you had a laugh bubble up?
So, it is here where I think I needed more background on this friendship and on the characters. I am angry and disgusted with the calling character, so I had trouble following the counselor character.
So my belief is you as a writer know these characters and could bring them there. I have a limited view (only 700 words) and I could not understand how lighthearted the phone answerer became and was ready to run to her rescue. If I knew their history and personalities I might have followed easier.
Hoping this is much more specific and understandable. I am SO new to all of this. I have only been commenting on elementary student writing until today!

Alien Ghost April 16, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Hi Sara,

This is a great short story! You really can get the reader’s heart beating faster while going through the lines. I agree with Davina in the points she mentioned, but I suppose it is also difficult to work with a limited number of words.

I love to read your short stories…you got to keep them coming :)

Hope everything goes smooth in the server transition.

Alien Ghost´s last blog post ..Casiotone nostalgia- or the way we learn Guest post

Sara @PeriwinklePapillon April 17, 2011 at 7:27 am

Hi Sara – from another Sara (no ‘h),
This was great. As others have commented, this sentence really made me stop and think: “Ben and the beach faded to wherever dead people and dreams go, and I woke up in my dark bedroom.”
It really was a great line with hidden meaning and I love the power it carried.

I also really liked how you conveyed her confusion at who was on the other end of the line. I, for sure, would NOT have gone to her side and she is a very forgiving person. I have heard of best friends resurrecting their friendships after tragedies though so it was not unbelievable to me. Debbie Reynolds and Liz Taylor come to mind :)

Hilary April 17, 2011 at 10:08 am

Hi Sara and Davina .. that’s great you posted obo Sara .. I hope the server issue is sorted ‘soonish’ and properly with no loss of content.

I think everyone has made the comments I might have made .. but I agree with Linda .. the last couple of paragraphs were ‘too much’ .. but writing within that 700 word frame and wanting to get the ideas in your head into that one short story … must be really difficult and you did a great job.

The imagery and emotion is right there .. ooh .. too much has happened in their lives .. well done in getting it across to us.

Certainly love this – great story and I hope it has a happy ending?! Cheers and have great weeks both of you .. Hilary
Hilary´s last blog post ..N is for Naturalist – that’s what N is for

Davina April 18, 2011 at 9:04 am

Hi everyone.

Thanks so much for visiting, reading and commenting on Sara’s story. Your insights and feedback have been great. You’re all thinking! I like when a story gets the thoughts going. And, I love how Sara has stepped up to the plate and invited feedback — it’s not always easy to do that.

These stories are certainly excellent challenges, having to write within a certain word limit. I plan to set aside some time and visit each and every one of your sites, too … there are a lot of stories I wish to read :)

By the sounds of it, this line is a winner!

“Ben and the beach faded to wherever dead people and dreams go, and I woke up in my dark bedroom.”

Julie, It really is a challenge to keep up with all the reading, isn’t it? I’m glad you found the time to read this post in your reader — and thank you for sharing it on Facebook too :) I was hooked right from the beginning too… wondering what was going to happen in this obviously tense situation. The ending was a surprise and one that had me wondering how I might respond in that same situation. It also leaves the reader wondering what might possibly come next. There is definitely room for more story here.

Talon, You’re welcome. It was a good opportunity to help her out and I appreciated it very much. Thanks for popping over here to read her story on my blog. It’s been wonderful to see all the super feedback she’s getting. It’s not always easy to critique another person’s writing, and I appreciate your comment. I love how you’ve queried some things and pointed out other things that you appreciated. A great mix :)

Tanya, thank you. I’m glad you’ve enjoyed your visit :)

Writerly Wanna Be, thank you for your comment!
It’s wonderful that you’ve returned to respond to Sara and clarify. :) Thank you. For someone who considers themselves as having a long way to go as a writer, you definitely are “seeing” and thinking like a writer. You’ve made some excellent points.

I agree with you too… it is a challenge to write with a certain number of words. I’m loving seeing this process unfold, and how so many of Sara’s readers are genuinely supportive. I can’t wait to read all the other stories.

Hi Hilary,
I hope there has been no loss of content for Sara, too. That has to be frustrating on her end. That is very true what you’ve noted here… a lot *has* happened in both women’s lives. Sara has brought a lot into these 700 words without going into too much detail. I love how she wrote, “Stepping immediately into my crisis counselor role,” because it set the stage and helped the reader to understand what Tessa’s position was.

I hope you have a great week too, Hilary. As always… thanks for dropping by. It’s always lovely to see you :-)

Sara… I want to commend you again for continuing to demonstrate your dedication to your writing, taking on challenge after challenge. You are an inspiration to other writers and in addition to that, you are also a wonderful supporter of other writers. You are a writer… there is no doubt about that. I am fascinated by the concepts that you have come up with in the number of stories I’ve read so far. Awesome!

Thanks to *you* for your wonderful feedback, too. I hope your server issues have been solved.

Sara April 18, 2011 at 10:22 am

@ Writerly Wanna Be — That was very helpful. I can see exactly what you are saying. I agree that these characters needed more development. One issue I face is that characters tend to drive my stories. I see them in my head and they seem very clear…in my head. Now, I have to learn how to effectively transfer them to my writings. I really appreciate you coming back to explain this.

Thank you.

@ Alien Ghost — Thanks. I’m glad you liked it:~)

@ Sara — I appreciate you sharing your thoughts about this story. I knew people might have difficulty with the reuniting of this friendship after the blows it had sustained, but that’s what I think friendship is about…you find a way to forgive. Maybe not quite as fast as my two characters, however.

Thanks for reading this story!

@ Hilary — Thanks for stopping by and reading the story. I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts about:~) How’s the A to Z going?
Sara´s last blog post ..Under Construction

Hilary April 18, 2011 at 11:10 pm

Hi Sara .. I hope another day down the line – the server challenge is getting sorted.

A – Z is fun .. I’m way behind on commenting and must get back to it – got carried away with subscribing and can only do so much .. so deleted many and restarted as such .. keeping my old favourites and adding a few new ones – but there are some excellent bloggers out there … so that’s difficult to curtail it to a manageable level.

Just about to write ‘P’ .. for Pig!! But I have a plan for my Z which I think will be fun .. and very different .. we’ll see …

Look after yourselves – Sara and Davina .. and see you both soon .. cheers Hilary
Hilary´s last blog post ..O is for Oak – that’s what O is for

Delena Silverfox@Coupon Codes April 19, 2011 at 2:21 am


Tessa has a really, REALLY big heart. That’s the first thought that comes to mind after reading this. Maybe that’s why she’s a volunteer counselor. But still, after everything that’s happened, to fly to the rescue like that at the very end, that’s miraculous.

I thought it was wonderfully written!

Delena Silverfox@Coupon Codes´s last blog post ..Money4mymobile Coupon Codes

Jannie Funster April 19, 2011 at 3:19 pm

My favorite Sara! And my favorite Davina! (Actually, my ONLY Davina — but you’d still be my favorite of 100 Davinas!) What a treat for me to see you here together today, whooohooo.

I wish I could write dialogue, oh well we all have our strong points. I’ll drink the beer and pen the melodies, and you gals can write this AWESOME prose!!

Jannie Funster´s last blog post ..On Poetry In Maine

Davina April 22, 2011 at 8:11 am

See you soon too, Hilary! :)

that is an excellent point. I love how you’ve drawn together Tessa’s personality and choice of volunteer work. Maybe this is one lawyer that I would choose to work with :) This also speaks to Janine’s need to call Tessa, too. Just found myself thinking that she was obviously carrying a lot of regret about what had happened years before. Both woman have a lot to heal from.

Hi Jannie.
Nice to see you, as always :-) Your strong point is definitely writing songs, my dear! Keep at it. And not only that, but you have a beautiful voice, too.

Chris Edgar April 23, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Talk about an odd couple! My hope is that as they get better acquainted, whether that’s by running from the cops in a convertible a la Thelma and Louise, or just settling down to live together in an odd sisterly sort of relationship, Tessa tells Janine how angry Tessa is about what happened with Ben, and then Tessa has an epiphany — that all her life has been about martyrdom, and that’s what ultimately drove Ben away, and that she’s going to take care of herself from now on. :)

Davina April 25, 2011 at 11:47 pm

Hi Chris.
Hey, I’d love to hear the ending to this story from your point of view :) One part of me would like to see a happy ending, while the other wants to exaggerate the human condition with an otherwise dramatic ending to an already ramped up story. Yeah, Tessa is sounding like a bit of a martyr as she dashes off to Janine’s aid, considering their history.

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