Thinking, thinking, one, two, three… ask!

“Curiosity lifts the corners of life.”

Julie from Random Meanderings

When you jump to conclusions you miss a lot. You lose opportunities to connect with people, and they with you. You lose a chance to connect with yourself.

Last year, during a life coach training workshop I was doing a practice exercise with one of my colleagues. We were talking about goals and dreams — you know, the usual stuff. We were standing in a corner of the room. A dozen or so other pairs were practicing the same exercise at the same time.

I was feeling self-conscious about asking the “right” questions — judging my performance and doubting my coaching abilities. I was focusing on myself instead of her.

This is described as Level One Thinking. In Level Two Thinking a coach is aware of the client and what they are saying.

In Level Three Thinking intuition encourages a stronger focus. The coach is not only aware of what the other person is saying. They are aware of the tone of their voice and the expression on their face. They notice posture and gestures. They tune into the whole experience. Observing these clues gives their subconscious mind the ability to connect at a deeper level. Questions flow naturally.

Through this connection the listening is magnified and the perspective is opened. The mind surrenders and both people can support the process in a stronger, more authentic way. Judgment gives way to curiosity. And curiosity opens the door to value.

My friend had used the metaphor of a bird’s nest to describe a feeling she had about a goal and how she was going to manifest it.

When she mentioned the bird’s nest I assumed that it was made of twigs. Simple, until I had a curious moment. I dared to be different and asked a silly question.

“What does this nest look like?”

She hadn’t even considered that. Even she had assumed it looked like a bird’s nest. We were both limiting ourselves with that assumption.

Asking that question opened her mind and took her deeper into the experience to explore her goal further. This helped her uncover more possibilities for herself.

As it turns out, the nest was made of soft, colourful blankets. I could feel her focus on the goal strengthen. Her enthusiasm increased as she described what the nest looked like. It was being revealed to both of us at the same time. We were both beyond Level Three Thinking. We were just being.

Your curiosity impacts others

During the busyness of our conversations, we do not often hear what each other is saying. We nod our heads. Share an understanding “yes” or “no”. But in turn, we are thinking about what our response will be. Or what their response will be. And most likely they are doing the same thing. It’s a dance.

This dance keeps us on the surface. It’s chocked full of assumptions. Imagine if we were to awaken our curiosity, how much deeper our connections could go. What more we could learn. How much we could add to each others lives.

We would feel seen and heard and encourage this in others. Society could benefit with simple curiosity. It would add more value to our lives.

A person never knows what they’re missing until they go there. And they can’t go there if they assume they are already there.

What about you? Can you recognize how curiosity could add more value to your life? On what level of thinking do you spend most of your time?

The quote used at the beginning of this article is one of Julie’s submissions to The Quote Effect. There is still time if you want to contribute. The deadline for submissions is January 31. Read more about The Quote Effect here and Contact me for a Submission Form.

This article is a contribution to Jeremy Day’s Group Writing Project on Creating Value. Do you want to participate? Get all the details over at Insight Writer where the tagline is “Freshly squeezed insight for better living”.

Photo from Reclusive Monkey on Flickr.com

Note: Due to a large number of spam comments I have turned comments off. I appreciate you stopping by and reading. You are welcome to contact me if you have any comments.

Bringing New Year Resolutions into Focus

Remember December?

The month when you were in the midst of the Christmas season, caught up in festivities and traditional celebrations.

Even if you don’t celebrate the holidays you feel hopeful because a new year is coming. As you ride the calendar into January an invisible wall goes up that seems to separate you from the past year. This year things will be different. You just know it.

Life feels fresh and new as the clock strikes midnight. Amidst the melancholy notes of Auld Lang Syne and the clinking of champagne glasses you kiss in the New Year, and within a few weeks 90% of you kiss the idea of your resolution goodbye. What a fickle bunch.

Gradually the thrill of the season diminishes and life returns to normal, except for one thing — your resolution. It’s less attractive in this new light, stripped of friendly sentiments and the glow of a new year with potential.

When Resolutions Live in Your Mind

The trouble with making resolutions is they’re made when you’re in a mindset that comes once per year. When you fall back into a normal routine, you don’t resonate with the mindset you were in when you made your promise.

Routine is a favourite hangout of the inner critic. Change awakens that consciousness and your attention is distracted back to the call of your familiar habits. This new focus doesn’t fit into the unconscious status quo.

How can you reconcile this difference — be more aware?

Romance Your Resolution to Life

When you awaken your senses, your consciousness is diverted away from thoughts and away from the inner critic. Consciousness is required for sense perception and in this space you are living in the experience.

Appeal to your senses.
Create the mood.
Make it fun.
Fall in love with the process.

If your goal is to eat healthier for example, how can you support this other than the obvious? What energy can you put into setting the stage to allow this to happen? Consider it foreplay.

Buy some inexpensive and jazzy place mats, a new tablecloth or new dishes — something to change your dining experience. Something that you can connect with other than the meal itself. Pamper the experience. Put fresh flowers on the table. Invite a friend over to share favourite dishes. Make it something you WANT to do, not HAVE to do. It becomes a way of life rather than a goal and the art is in the presentation.

If your goal is to cut back on coffee, buy a beautiful new mug for tea or a lovely jug to keep more water at your desk. Enjoy your tea at a different cafe. Shake up your routine. Changing your routine will awaken your senses.

This principle can be applied to other goals too. The key is to know yourself and what pleases you.

Know Yourself and Choose Your Resolution Wisely

Know your strengths and your weaknesses. Be realistic about what you have chosen to do. How will it affect your life?

What led you to make this resolution? If you’re just following the crowd you’re already on the wrong path because statistics have shown that 90% of them will fail.

When you put your heart into this you will grow with it. It will happen naturally when you’re not concentrating on trying. Trying is focused on outcome and comes heavy with expectations — another love of the inner critic by the way. Doing has unlimited possibilities of experience and fun, and moves you forward.

How high are your expectations? How much weight is resting on this resolution you have made? Make sure that you are respecting the balance between what you are putting into this and what you want to take out of it.

Bring your resolution to life. The way you present it will encourage your relationship with it. Appealing to your senses will inspire and motivate you, and move you outside the limits of the mind.

To conclude, I’d like to remind you that until January 31st I am offering Future Self Meditations for free. This is a helpful tool a person can use to step outside of that mental mind chatter and brainstorm strategies to achieve realistic goals.

What do you want to accomplish in this new year? Have you given yourself permission to fail? Or more importantly, have you given yourself permission to succeed? You deserve success.

Photo credit: Natestore’s Photostream on Flickr.com