Destination, Uncertainty

One foot in front of the other. Step by step, I stared blankly down at my feet. Each stride carried me forward effortlessly. Cracks in the sidewalk hinted at my progress.

I was heading home from running errands with a number of fresh $20 bills resting comfortably in my wallet. Despite these new earnings, I wasn’t resting comfortably.

The fear I’d been running from had caught up with me, feeling like a lead weight in the pit of my stomach every morning.

I was pleased though, if you can believe that. I had become comfortable with the discomfort — learned to walk with it, not run from it. There is respect, even though the destination is uncertain.

Trust the Edge of Being

Starting a new business is not easy in the best of times. More than two years had passed since being laid off from a job as a proofreader. Nine months had been spent living off savings after employment insurance ceased. The panic had subsided and I was determined to not give up.

Recent events had been encouraging. Crimson Compass Life Coaching had attracted a few new clients and I was pleased. But clearly this business needed the grace of more time and I was running out of time; or felt like it anyway. With the downturn of the financial markets in 2008, I had lost close to $20,000 that was supposed to cover living expenses; about a year of time.

More recent events connected me with some new proofreading contacts and Writer Sense Communications began to feed me. Hence, the fresh $20s that had just been tucked comfortably into my wallet, with delicious appreciation. So why was I not tucked comfortably into my life?

I’d been fearful of not knowing how things were going to turn out. Compare this to stage fright; living on that edge just before stepping out on stage. Not trusting how things would unfold, despite rehearsing for weeks; despite having a plan. I was not trusting the Self to take care of the Self.

The Edge of Something

NOW is vulnerable. Like the flicker of a candle flame NOW surrenders to the mind and the breath. This flame humbly lights a room and can just as easily and fiercely burn that room to ashes.

Until this moment, I had surrendered to the ego — the mind — and my flame had been blown out. I was in the dark, not trusting the process. More importantly, I was not trusting myself to be IN the process. What if my business failed? What if I ran out of money? What if?

I focused on the cracks in the sidewalk, realizing I was still moving forward. I had no idea what was around the next corner, but I knew something would be.

I realized that something was happening now. Something was going to happen tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and the day after that. It might be something I’d planned… or not.

But one thing is certain — I would be around the next corner. Me. And whatever happened, I would deal with whatever something was. This was certain. And for some strange reason, I found myself tucked in comfortably with that certainty.

Care to take a stroll around the next corner?

Do you trust that you will be able to handle whatever comes your way?

How do you keep yourself motivated in challenging times?

Photo credit: The Wandering Angel

A Metaphor Made of Stone

We sat at the round table, focused and silent. I listened to the rhythmic ticking of the cuckoo clock, and across the table his eyes twinkled with just one question. “What would you like to have happen today?”

“Well for starters, I would like to feel more relaxed.”

He nodded, “How do you know you are not relaxed?”

“There is a lump in my throat.”

“Describe the lump.”

“It is like a fist, clenched. About this size.” I raised my clenched fist and he nodded again. “Tell me more. What does it feel like? What colour is it?”

“It is very hard.” I paused and continued with obvious surprise, “But… it’s soft in the centre. Not at all like I would have imagined. It’s granite. That’s interesting… it’s like the stone our farmhouse was built from.”

His eyes twinkled, encouragingly. Loud music from below interrupted the gentle space and my attention clung to the image of the lump in my throat. It felt more pronounced now and though our conversation moved on, I had not. Muffled drum rhythm held me captive.

“What’s happening now?” he asked.

“I wish my neighbour would turn their music down.”

He smiled. “It’s okay. This is simply part of our experience right now.”

I was annoyed but lingered on his words. We sat. The music played. The lump in my throat tightened. I resisted the moment, convinced that he too was uncomfortable with the music. How could he not be? My thoughts flashed back to the farmhouse — the granite. My mother was there. Unhappy.

A Story, Captivated by Silence

Memories surfaced about how we had to play quiet in the kitchen because mother was napping upstairs. She would become angry if we made too much noise. I learned how to be almost invisible. Good at keeping the peace. Captivated by silence.

I was captivated now by an epiphany and felt his anticipation as I began to share. “You know, I’ve figured out what’s going on. It’s not about the music. I’m concerned about keeping a comfortable space here for you. I’m worried that you will become angry at the noise… just like my mother would have.”

I was feeling excited as my energy shifted with this realization. “I’m afraid of having to deal with your reaction, trying to hold the peace. Afraid of saying something wrong.”

“What else are you doing?”

“I’m making up a story.” He nodded. “And, what is the relationship between myself and your mother?”

“Nothing.” I was silent. The music had stopped. This story was old and I could stop listening to it. I could break the silence I had allowed to take hold of me and start expressing myself.

His eyes were still twinkling, “How is that lump in your throat?”

“Gone.”

Metaphor Inquiry

The “He” in this story — this real story — is my friend Ian Johnson. We were practicing working with metaphors one day, and employing what he calls, Clean Decision-Making (CDM).

“CDM uses active metaphor inquiry to integrate as many perspectives as possible and develop a non-objectionable path forward… It is used for personal development by individuals to help them get clear on what they want…”

Although my intention was to feel more relaxed, what was really lying below the surface was that I wanted permission to express myself freely.

CDM takes a person below the surface of what they are conscious of. It deals with the most challenging aspects of decision-making, one of which is identifying the real problem.

Metaphors are used more commonly than we are aware of. They are a language we can tap into to deepen our experience.

What I continue to learn about them is their changing and vulnerable nature. Once our mind gets hold of this “pretty picture” it can manipulate our experience, keeping us locked into it. I explored the image of the fist in my throat, which lead me to the stone. And if my mind had its way, I would have believed this stone was rock hard and solid — not soft in the centre.

Metaphors are a favourite tool with life coaches, and after working with Ian, I am more convinced at how valuable they are. Clients of mine can expect the language of metaphors in our sessions because having an opportunity to express our story will move us past obstacles. Just by telling the story, the falsities will fall away and only the truth will remain.

Have you noticed when telling your story, that you seem to “know” what is true and what is not?

What is your story? Are you telling it, or letting it tell you? Think about it.

Photo credit: Jsome1

Designing fulfillment

What would make you cry with tears of joy if you had it? Do you even dare ask for it? Does it seem too far out of reach? Perhaps you’re convinced that it will never happen.

And just so we’re all on the same page, I’m not talking about winning the lottery.

I’m talking about the life you dream of – what you long for whether you believe it is possible or not. And if your life is already your dream come true, how much bigger could it be?

If you were living that life what would you be doing? Who would you be with? Where would you be?

And most importantly, how would you be feeling while you were living that life? That is the key, more than the dream itself.

Dare to dream

Okay, I’ll play first. What would I be doing if my life were the way I wanted it to be? What would that picture look like? (See above photo.)

I would wake in the early morning hours to bright rays of sunshine streaming through the window. I would stroll outside to the third-story deck and sip my coffee while gazing at the beautiful view overlooking the shores of the Pacific Coast – miles of trees, mountains and ocean.

Wind chimes would play soothing melodies in the breeze. Birds would play in the nearby feeder. My cat would be curled up in a corner, oblivious to the birds, waiting for the next adventure to wake him from his slumber.

I’d see my husband in the distance, off for his morning jog along one of the trails. He is a handsome, rugged, woodsman type kinda guy. I am grateful for his companionship and we are blessed with a harmonious marriage.

We designed and built this modern-style log cabin and it rests in this remote, private location. This spot on the upper deck is my favourite. I spend hours here writing, relaxing, doing yoga and enjoying the view.

I am an award-winning writer and one of the most sought after life coaches around. Business and life are balanced in such a way that my husband and I are able to travel extensively and spend quality time together hiking, camping, and mountain biking.

When my husband is not out working as a freelance photographer or working on his next painting, he is in the kitchen cooking up tasty recipes that would give any professional chef a run for their money.

When I am not working with my clients or writing, I enjoy playing the clarinet, taking dance classes, and spending afternoons out with friends sipping specialty coffee and enjoying good conversation. Tending our bountiful vegetable and herb garden occupies the rest of my time.

I am at peace with myself and my life, healthy and happy. Our home nurtures us and all whom we invite in. We are filled with gratitude at the rewards and prosperity we have been blessed with.

Fulfillment is realized

When I sit with this visualization I feel complete. Insanely complete! While in this state there is no fear and no expectation. This feeling is timeless and alive whether the dream has manifested or not – it is the essence of fulfillment.

I have written this passage twice and although the ingredients change slightly over time, what hasn’t changed is the end result. Feeling complete.

Without fear of loss, disappointment or expectations colouring our dreams, they come alive in other ways. Imagine cultivating this feeling every day instead of waiting for it to happen someday, or waiting for the perfect life to define it.

What we do is shaped by what we feel. This feeling, this essence of fulfillment can colour everything you do and empower the choices you make. Imagine how differently you would make choices in your life, and how differently you would treat people. How differently you would treat yourself!

How are you living fulfillment in your everyday life?

What would your story be if you were to write it today?

Photo credit: Greenbroke

A simple dialogue with the Self

Once upon a time, not long ago, I woke up in a miserable mood. I was OFF. The reflection in the mirror glared back at me while I brushed my teeth. Brushing teeth — how boring. Another bad hair day too. And is that a new pimple? Arghhh!

Not having a shower today. Someone’s bound to flush the toilet as soon as I soap up. Another stony glance in the mirror to confirm that new pimple. It’s a beauty!

What a rotten mood I was in — I hated myself for it. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get past it. On some level, I didn’t want to. And, I kept looking for reasons to make myself feel worse. I knew I wasn’t going to get anything accomplished if this kept up. Ever have that happen?

While running errands I avoided eye contact with strangers and hoped I wouldn’t see anyone I knew. Have you ever been in this kind of mood and had someone look at you and say “smile”? How did that make you feel?

While running those errands, I struck up a defiant conversation in my mind with an imaginary stranger. “Smile,” said the stranger as I stole past him with my head down.

My silent conversation continued. “Why should I smile? I don’t feel like it!”

“Why not smile?”

“Because,” I answered to myself, “I just don’t FEEL like it.” The defiance was raging hot.

“But what would happen IF you smiled?” I asked.

And so, my Self imagined what WOULD happen if I smiled.

My mood shifted immediately as I imagined a smile. I wasn’t smiling, but I certainly remembered what it felt like.

I lifted my head. My step quickened and then… I smiled! I was back.

There is a positive use for your inner critic

Purely by accident, I had flicked the ON switch.

If you are reading this because you are hoping to find the secret to a positive and effective attitude you might find it. Or, you might not.

It can be as easy or as difficult as you make it. If you choose to sit with a rotten attitude, you are choosing the company of your inner critic. The two of you can brainstorm about how many reasons you can come up with to feel this way.

However, a rotten attitude can be used as an opportunity to flick the ON switch. Use your inner critic as a sounding board and move past thinking errors.

It’s powerful to focus on how you want to be, instead of how you don’t want to be. What story are you choosing to listen to? What movie are you playing in your mind? What do you believe? What do you want to believe?

It starts with a feeling and by asking simple, but powerful questions.

Put these questions on your shopping list:

“How else could this go?”

“How else could I feel?”

“How would it feel if this were going the way I wanted?”

“What kind of person do I see myself becoming to attract this in my life?”

“What things do I already know about myself that can help me?”

“What do I remember has worked for me before?”

“Who can I ask for help?”

I’m not saying that you will always get what you want, or get it faster.

What I am saying is instead of shopping for more reasons to feel unsatisfied or to validate what isn’t working, you will be shopping for more opportunities and more of what you do want. You won’t be looking at your feet — your head will be up.

To me this is what putting your best foot forward means: stepping forward and focusing on your strengths and what you appreciate. By letting go of the rest, it will simply be left behind you.

On every trail of success you leave behind more than just footprints — you leave your inner critic. He can only follow in your footsteps and because his head is down, he can never lead the way.

Take a look in the mirror now. In what direction are you headed?

And on that note, speaking of choosing a path… I’d like to feature one more submission to The Quote Effect. If you want to submit a quote to this ebook, time is running out. Saturday, January 31 is the last day for submissions.

This quote is from Sara Healy.

“There will always be people traveling ahead of me and always people traveling behind me.  My lesson is to learn to follow my own path.”

Photo: My Shadow, traced — Mesaj

Thinking, thinking, one, two, three… ask!

“Curiosity lifts the corners of life.”

Julie from Random Meanderings

When you jump to conclusions you miss a lot. You lose opportunities to connect with people, and they with you. You lose a chance to connect with yourself.

Last year, during a life coach training workshop I was doing a practice exercise with one of my colleagues. We were talking about goals and dreams — you know, the usual stuff. We were standing in a corner of the room. A dozen or so other pairs were practicing the same exercise at the same time.

I was feeling self-conscious about asking the “right” questions — judging my performance and doubting my coaching abilities. I was focusing on myself instead of her.

This is described as Level One Thinking. In Level Two Thinking a coach is aware of the client and what they are saying.

In Level Three Thinking intuition encourages a stronger focus. The coach is not only aware of what the other person is saying. They are aware of the tone of their voice and the expression on their face. They notice posture and gestures. They tune into the whole experience. Observing these clues gives their subconscious mind the ability to connect at a deeper level. Questions flow naturally.

Through this connection the listening is magnified and the perspective is opened. The mind surrenders and both people can support the process in a stronger, more authentic way. Judgment gives way to curiosity. And curiosity opens the door to value.

My friend had used the metaphor of a bird’s nest to describe a feeling she had about a goal and how she was going to manifest it.

When she mentioned the bird’s nest I assumed that it was made of twigs. Simple, until I had a curious moment. I dared to be different and asked a silly question.

“What does this nest look like?”

She hadn’t even considered that. Even she had assumed it looked like a bird’s nest. We were both limiting ourselves with that assumption.

Asking that question opened her mind and took her deeper into the experience to explore her goal further. This helped her uncover more possibilities for herself.

As it turns out, the nest was made of soft, colourful blankets. I could feel her focus on the goal strengthen. Her enthusiasm increased as she described what the nest looked like. It was being revealed to both of us at the same time. We were both beyond Level Three Thinking. We were just being.

Your curiosity impacts others

During the busyness of our conversations, we do not often hear what each other is saying. We nod our heads. Share an understanding “yes” or “no”. But in turn, we are thinking about what our response will be. Or what their response will be. And most likely they are doing the same thing. It’s a dance.

This dance keeps us on the surface. It’s chocked full of assumptions. Imagine if we were to awaken our curiosity, how much deeper our connections could go. What more we could learn. How much we could add to each others lives.

We would feel seen and heard and encourage this in others. Society could benefit with simple curiosity. It would add more value to our lives.

A person never knows what they’re missing until they go there. And they can’t go there if they assume they are already there.

What about you? Can you recognize how curiosity could add more value to your life? On what level of thinking do you spend most of your time?

The quote used at the beginning of this article is one of Julie’s submissions to The Quote Effect. There is still time if you want to contribute. The deadline for submissions is January 31. Read more about The Quote Effect here and Contact me for a Submission Form.

This article is a contribution to Jeremy Day’s Group Writing Project on Creating Value. Do you want to participate? Get all the details over at Insight Writer where the tagline is “Freshly squeezed insight for better living”.

Photo from Reclusive Monkey on Flickr.com

Note: Due to a large number of spam comments I have turned comments off. I appreciate you stopping by and reading. You are welcome to contact me if you have any comments.

An authentic journey, but how authentic?

Yesterday I had a mystical and authentic journey, where I met my Higher Self.

We sat under a rainbow watching the sunset, and shared a joyous and inspiring meditation that awakened our inner wisdom to the spirit of abundance.

Doesn’t that sound glorious? Do you feel fulfilled? Are your senses sparkling with the brilliance of these words — this genuine vision?

Ok, enough already!

Sometimes I feel that if I see the words inspiration, abundance, authentic and awakening one more time I’ll throw up. Do you feel dizzy with all this personal development crap that you’ve been reading?

I do. Sometimes.

Still, I keep reading, and reading, and reading. Keep reading.

Spun out on the spiritual

I feel like a hamster in a wheel, spinning out of control.

Sometimes, instead of feeling more hopeful and spiritual, I feel smaller and lost in this huge ocean of supposedly positive ripples that I’m sending out to the universe. I’m caught in a perpetual wheel of self-discovery that spins me into a hole.

And what’s worse is that I write about it too! All the time. I’m addicted. Who am I? Really?

I pray that the wheel will stop spinning so that I can figure this out. But even when it does stop my world is still spinning around me. It’s better to go with the flow to stop the dizziness. Hold that thought.

Is there a self-help book for this?

If there was (and maybe there is, I haven’t Googled it), what would it be called? Certainly not “What Colour Is Your Parachute” or “The Power Of Now”.

How about What Colour Is Your Life Jacket, or The Power Of When.

I know I would read it. I would be better for reading it. I would have all the answers. Then, I would write about it.

I would share it with everyone. They would love me for it. I would be famous. I would be rich.

Write no list, make no plan, set no goals

This is your chance to take a much needed break from personal development.

Take some time to chew and swallow what you’ve read today. Digest it. Relax. Go play. Go sleep. Put that book down. Turn off your computer.

Give the spirit room to grow — time to find it’s rhythm. Let the dizziness subside. When our senses are awakened and not frozen, we can learn without turning it into a personal issue and without feeling a need for it.

Bless our hearts. We’re trying to absorb it all. Trying to be better. Trying to get somewhere.

Well, we’ve already arrived. We’re here. What else is there… but here?

We can’t do any more than we are doing. We’ve just forgotten to sit back and enjoy the view. To just notice. We don’t have to pick every flower. Sing every song. Climb every mountain. We can just sit. Just listen and observe. We’re all in this together, because of each other. And that makes us real.

If you weren’t focused on making yourself better what do you think you would be doing?

Photo credit: Seattle Roll’s Photostream on Flickr.com

According to society’s standards, my Christmas was not what most people would call merry.

I spent most of the day alone. Due to a snowstorm that was unusual for Vancouver, and a power outage, my boyfriend’s arrival was delayed by a day.

But more importantly, his 85-year-old father had been critically ill in the hospital after having a heart attack less than a week before Christmas.

Thankfully, he was released and sent home three days before Christmas. His family couldn’t have received a better gift. I was absolutely thrilled for them.

It had been a week of prayers and emotions enmeshed with thoughts of upcoming holiday celebrations. Christmas dinner was cancelled to give them both some quiet time to recover from their ordeal.

After a less than financially successful year my Christmas spending was drastically reduced. On the bright side, I was spared the shopping frenzy by making one trip to buy my boyfriend’s gift.

On Christmas eve day, I received some mail. A card from my father with a cheque in it, and some gift cards from my stepmother and stepbrother. Yippee! And… a bill from a lawyer for over $400… from services rendered for a business I had closed months earlier. No comment.

Staring out the window at the heaps of snow from yesterday’s snowstorm, I found myself thinking, “What else?” but quickly put a stop to that. I’d caught myself doing that before, realizing I was looking for proof about how bad things could get. Almost inviting more. I knew better… didn’t I?

When I didn’t think about how Christmas was “supposed” to be, things weren’t really THAT bad! In fact, I didn’t feel all that badly – just not enthusiastic. Without that positive motivating force to fill me up, other thoughts tried to drift in.

While staring out my living room window I noticed how beautiful the snow looked. I hadn’t seen that much snow since I’d moved from Ontario eight years ago.

Still with three hours to wait for my boyfriend I decided to go for a walk. Should I take my camera? I decided no.

Manoevering along unshovelled sidewalks and tiptoeing across icy patches was satisfying. Fun, actually.

There were few people out and about. Most cars were covered under piles of snow after the two storms we’d had in the past week.

Then, the first snowman caught my attention. Then another and after almost thirty minutes into my walk, one more snowman. Darn it – no camera! Abruptly, I turned around and headed back with my mind made up.

There were more snowmen on the other side of the street on my way home. I calculated another thirty minutes to get to the camera, thirty more minutes to get back to that third snowman. And then the final thirty minutes back home. Was I crazy? Two hours walking in the snow? I didn’t care. The crazier the idea, the better it sounded.

I felt like a kid again. All that mattered was getting those photographs. I hoped it wouldn’t start raining, or that the snowmen wouldn’t be destroyed by the time I returned. “That would be just my luck wouldn’t it,” that inside voice said. “Shut up,” I told it.

As I rushed home through the snow-covered streets I realized that I had stopped looking for something to define my happiness. I was choosing it for myself and it wasn’t dependent on having the Christmas I thought I should. With camera in hand, my heart sank on the way out again as I saw a headless snowman. Damn kids! Had I noticed that one before?

With the exception of one blister, my efforts were rewarded as you will see by the following photographs and thanks to the residents of Kitsilano. Only one snowman had been destroyed. This is their story…

“When you feel small and weighed down with heavy thoughts, chin up…”

“Don’t let them get you down. Come on inside. With a little warmth, they’ll melt away soon enough.”

“Somewhere there is a party waiting for you.”

“The door is always open and you’re welcome any time.”

“Come on in and take a load off.”

“Who says there can’t be palm trees AND snow? The strong will survive.”

The rest of Christmas day breezed by. I shared turkey with my boyfriend and my landlord. We had a small gift exchange, watched a good movie and found comfort in each others company.

Letting go of the need to fill myself up with pity left space for other, more rewarding experiences.

Yes, the past year had been an intense growing period. But, I knew  more than ever what I wanted less of in my life… and more importantly, what I wanted more of.

Christmas day brought the gift of experience. That is priceless.

I hope you had an inspiring Christmas whatever you did. Perhaps you were enthusiastic, inspired or grumpy. Maybe it was the worst Christmas you’ve ever had, or the best, or the craziest. What stands out about 2008? Write about it, or someone.

If you could write one true sentence to express your thoughts and feelings what would it be? This is your opportunity to write a quote that would be a great addition to The Quote Effect. You just might find that quote buried in your archives or in your comments sections.

There are close to a dozen bloggers already signed up. Please share this around the blogosphere with your buddies and give them a chance to share some words of wisdom. There will be plenty of linking going on. Each week in January I will feature one entry to this project and link back to the blogger who supplies it.

And you don’t want to miss this either! My friend Stacey is having a brainstorming party over at CreateABalance.com and you are invited. She is giving away goody bags to participants.