Where are your missing pieces?

Rachel Naomi Remen tells a delightful story in her best-selling book “Kitchen Table Wisdom.”

When she was about three or four years old, Rachel’s father put the pieces of a new puzzle onto a table. One morning, when she was alone, little Rachel looked at the hundreds of pieces, and noticed that although some were brightly coloured, others were dark and shadowy. They seemed ugly and frightening, and made her feel uncomfortable.

So, she collected a few of the dark pieces and hid them under the cushions on the sofa. In the following days, whenever Rachel had an opportunity, she gathered more of the pieces that disturbed her, and added them to the hidden cache.

As Rachel’s parents tried, day after day, to complete the puzzle, they began to suspect that something was not right. Rachel’s mother counted the pieces, and realized that many were missing.

When she asked Rachel if she knew where they were, Rachel told how she had hidden the pieces that she didn’t like. So Rachel’s mother recovered the missing pieces from under the cushions, and began to complete the puzzle. Rachel says:

“I remember watching her do this. As piece after dark piece was put in place and the picture emerged, I was astounded. I had not known there would be a picture. It was beautiful, a peaceful scene of a deserted beach. Without the pieces I had hidden, the game had made no sense.”

“After reading this story I wondered about all those shadow parts of ourselves that we hide from people (and ourselves). Maybe they wouldn’t be so dark and scary if we included them in the whole picture. Maybe we wouldn’t feel inclined to seek something more if we told the whole story.”

Your hidden pieces become self-serving, looking for ways to justify the way things seem.

Special Announcement

There are TWO FREE seats up for grabs in The Write Impact Workshop — working with the basics of story structure. This is just like working with pieces of a puzzle where you watch the pieces of your story come together.

Someone who wishes to remain anonymous has come forward to offer me a donation of $60 towards someone’s seat. I’ve decided to match that donation and offer another seat.

If you would like to join the writing group, which starts on Sunday, November 7th, let me know when you leave your comment to this post and include the words WRITE IMPACT. I will make a draw from those names and choose the two winners. You will both be notified by email by October 24th.

Visit The Write Impact Workshop for more information on the workshop.

Photo Credit: Lumaxart

“We hide from ‘painful’ feelings; embarrassed. If you’re an artist, a writer, a dancer, etc., express the ‘sad’. It could be your best work.”

Write the sad; right the sad

Been feeling sad lately. Well, sort of…

Denying the sadness, actually. Closing the door on it. What I’ve realized is that by closing the door I’ve locked myself in with it.

Shutting the feelings down brought me down with them. Why do we fear this place? I’ve recognized how it’s not a place I appreciate and from what I’ve seen, neither do most others when they feel it in themselves.

But man, is there a richness there when you don’t pretend it doesn’t exist. Going there is to embrace all of you in that space; to love ALL of you. Standing and reaching tall.

Live and learn; learn to live

The feelings are much larger than a child; much larger than an adult. They don’t go unwitnessed, whether you give them audience or not. They are there and you know it. Others do too, on a subtle level, and their interactions with you are coloured because of it.

It filters your perspective of others and your relations with others. Your relations with yourself. Your creativity. Being in this place is about connecting with the emotions; the elements of yourself; your nature.

The wind and fire of rage. The delicate dewdrop tears. Surrendering to the shaping of life. Standing in one’s own spotlight; self-assured.

Exploring it with heart opens the door and lets the world in. Feeling it allows you to be at home with yourself and others to be at home with you.

Life coaches tend to say that when you’re feeling low or angry it’s because you’re choosing to feel that way. I’m going take it a step farther and say that it’s because you’re choosing to NOT feel that way. You’re resisting what is there.

While on my blogging break, I’ve joined a Summer Writing Space to explore new aspects of writing and to coach my own creative space. More accurately, it’s been coaching me.

Recently, I responded to a prompt from Joanna at the Summer Writing Space to write a piece where every new line began with “I am from”. I used that prompt to give the feelings somewhere to land.

Emotions, passion and creativity are family. Don’t be afraid to feel. There are riches in these places and they are a part of your evolution. They are offering you a gift that just needs to be unwrapped. You might be surprised at what you find.

How far are you willing to reach?

Where I’m from is Elementary

I am from nothing;
do I exist?

I am from one dream; vivid…
blew in on funnel clouds,
raging, storming and swirling with life energy,
heavenly fingers pointing down from above.

I am from the embers,
glowing crimson under indigo skies,
smoldering, sparking, and
too hot to touch.

I am from a dewdrop,
tiny, delicate and glistening,
resting on the faraway tip of a quivering leaf,
paused, poised and ready to leap.

I am from frost,
out on a limb,
tinkling in the icy breath of a white April morn.

I am from the drama
that birthed me
and took me to audience;
where I waited, breathing;
no witness, no applause, no judgment.

I am from the blue clay of Terminal Creek, sculpted;
a vase styled, curvy and shaped,
a woman holding a space
to be filled.

I am from the flight of ladybug,
searching for home,
just ahead of a dream,
that blew in on funnel clouds.

How do you bring voice to your emotions?
What structure invites your creativity?
What stops you and why?
What are you waiting for?

If you care to explore your creative process, reach for your write impact.

My blogging activities may have paused, but business is still on.

Photo credits:
The picture of myself was taken by my friend, Jim.
Dewdrop is from Flickr.com by Lord V

The company you keep

This is an unscheduled post. I’m breaking my ‘rule’ and posting on an off day. Not to mention, this is not technically a Muse post in keeping with the May theme here.

On the other hand, does the Muse require a label or a reason… or simply, just an outlet?

Tonight I was munching on my dinner and felt guided to pick up an old binder. This was a binder that I hadn’t flipped through in over a year.

I leafed through a few pages before one spoke to me and I began to read.

It wasn’t long before I was feeling moved by what I was reading. So, I wanted to share it with you all to see what you think.

See how it moves you; what opens up. Or, what you are afraid of opening up to… :-)

Maybe you’ll even be inspired to write or paint something.

Enjoy.

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for, and if you
dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to
know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring
your moon. I want to know if you have touched
the center of your own sorrow, if you have been
opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled
and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know
if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without
moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it. I want to know
if you can be with JOY, mine or your own; if you
can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill
you to the tips of your fingers and toes without
cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to
remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling
me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint
another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the
accusation of betrayal and not betray your own
soul. I want to know if you can be faithful and
therefore be trustworthy. I want to know if you can see
beauty even when it is not pretty everyday, and if
you can source your life on the edge of the lake
and shout the silver of the full moon.

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how
much money you have. I want to know if you can
get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and
bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done
for the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came
to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center
of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied. I want to know what sustains you
from the inside when all else falls away. I want to
know if you can be alone with yourself and if you
truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Oriah

Comments?
Any particular line speak to you?

Photo: View at Lighthouse Park in West Vancouver by Davina Haisell

“If you don’t know the trees you may be lost in the forest, but if you don’t know the stories you may be lost in life.” ~ Siberian Elder

This will be one of my longer posts, so grab a coffee and sit back and relax… It is still part of the Muse in May series; you will see how that applies at the end.

The blue robe

Saturday morning, 10:30. The fridge was running. I wanted to unplug it. Its constant humming sound was almost mocking me. Just me sitting at the kitchen table in my blue robe. Just me, feeling blue.

“Should I blog about this?” I wondered. Air my bleeding heart to the world; to my readers, colleagues and prospective clients? Why the hell not? But what is THIS?

THIS had been hanging around for weeks. Clinging. It was May 15th and I still hadn’t painted my toenails. THIS was needing attention and I’d been avoiding IT. IT wasn’t going anywhere. And for that matter, neither was I. I was miserable, stuck, uninspired and yes, depressed.

“So, what now?” I wondered.

The BlockBuster

I searched through my coaching notes and found an exercise I have re-branded as “The BlockBuster”. Going through this process reveals the story we are telling ourselves. It is divided into six sections where you ask yourself or your client, six different questions repeatedly.

You navigate the space around and between yourself and the issue or block. I decided to employ this process to how I was feeling. What can I say; I’m committed to learning and trying to understand Me.

Begin by writing or drawing on a piece of paper to illustrate how you are feeling or what you are thinking. The picture above represents how I was feeling; like a small, insignificant spot.

What do you know about that?

I asked myself what I knew about how I was feeling, six times. To keep this post as short as possible, I won’t repeat the questions; imagine that between each answer the same question is asked. I have listed each answer in succession, unedited.

Question 1: “What do you know about that?”
1. It’s a point
2. It’s a hole
3. It’s lost
4. It’s sharp
5. It’s beginning
6. It’s strong

To finish this section you ask, “And what do you know now?”

1. It loves me

Yah, yah, I know that might sound flaky to some readers but that is what came to me. Be honest with yourself in this process and go with the flow. Don’t filter yourself. Notice your posture and anything else about how you are acting or feeling, or where you are looking, even. Make note of it and let it lead you.

Write down your answers, silly or not. Notice the lights that turn on for you, or the frustration at answering the same questions over and over. Keep chipping away at the “Block”. Persevere. There is a story there.

Question 2: “And what does that know about you?”
1. It sees me
2. I’m blank (I was feeling blank)
3. I don’t know
4. “Why is this so hard?” I wonder
5. I don’t want to know/see
6. I want to let go

“And what do you know now?”

1. I do want to know; I am ready.

Question 3: “And is there anything else about that?”

Sometimes this throws me. I wonder if the question should apply to the drawing, or to my last answer. Go where you feel you need to go. In this case I expanded on my answer to the last question.

1. I’m engaged
2. I’m on an adventure
3. I’m making it hard
4. I’m impatient
5. I want to know now
6. I’m done with this

“And what do you know now?”

1. I’m NOT done with this!

Question 4: “And where could that have come from?”

I returned my focus to the smallness I was feeling, illustrated by my picture.

1. Not knowing
2. Being innocent
3. Trusting
4. Wanting to have fun
5. Wanting to love something
6. I don’t fucking know!

“And what do you know now?”

1. Nothing different!

Question 5: “And then what can happen?”

Back to focus on the answer to the last question.

1. Nothing
2. Nothing
3. Nothing
4. I don’t know
5. I feel anger
6. The anger will shift gears! Ooooh… light goes on…

“And what do you know now?”

1. I’m worthy of my feelings. Anger has its place. Anger will serve me here.

I realized I hadn’t allowed myself to feel angry about this.

Question 6: “And is there anything else about that?”

Focus on the drawing again.

1. I have been playing small
2. I have been selling out on what is important to me
3. I have been asking for permission to be me
4. I don’t have to ask for permission to be me
5. Respect starts with SELF!!!
6. When I have respect, anger is not necessary

“And what do you know now?”

1. I will respect myself and in so doing, will be respecting the space around me and those who are in it. It all starts with me.

What do you know now?

My entire mood had shifted! I didn’t feel small. I didn’t need to get angry to move past the “block”. I understood how I had allowed it to come to be.

I hadn’t felt worthy of the choice I was making, so I made it from an unbalanced, subservient place; a small place.

“When I have respect, anger is not necessary.”

That got me to thinking how people become angry; they are feeling small and the anger makes them feel larger than life. All pumped up. Big and Worthy. But really, they are not coming from a place of respecting themselves. They need to employ the anger to be heard or be seen. But… they are not seeing themselves.

That is when a person acts blindly; when they are not seeing themselves. When they are not hearing their story or understanding their story.

After this process I felt triumphant, but then what? As a coach I knew it couldn’t stop there if I were to apply this to my own life. I gave myself some homework.

It’s all about me

I imagined what it would look like when a person respects themselves. I imagined them standing tall, acting purposefully, confidently and calmly.

I mused about how respect isn’t about “me first” and “you last”. It’s a natural process of being attentive. If I could make decisions from that place, the effects on the people in the space around me would be responsive rather than reactive. Just maybe.

Experience and learning can come with pain; we can’t avoid living and learning. The painful lessons are the ones you remember.

I pondered that when you are respecting yourself you don’t need approval from anyone else. You don’t need anger to get your message across.

I imagined that when you are acting out of respect for yourself there is an unspoken understanding between you and your space and whomever is in it at the time.

I considered that if there were reactions to my actions, when coming from a place of respect, I wouldn’t have the need to react to the reactions. This would give me more power to manage the situation and minimize the possibility for undesirable consequences.

My homework became a game of observation. To watch people. To observe who was respecting themselves and who wasn’t.

I appreciated how that would put me in a place of respecting JUST the space I was in. Listening to ITS story. Being ready to act, respectfully. Listening.

How does this apply to the Muse? You tell me.

What do you know about that?

The next post in this Muse in May series is entitled “Dial-1-2-1-Muse” and will be published on Wednesday, May 19th. It features a collection of answering machine messages you may hear when calling your muse, yet again! :-)

“I don’t want to be coached”

The other day a friend sent me a short email to ask how things were going. I told them I was feeling frustrated by not being able to get to the “juicy” things I had planned for that day. There had been too many distractions. Sometimes that’s just life.

It had been a day that in my mind, I was going to take off. But that clearly was not meant to be. So, I took care of what I had to do but admittedly, with a less than appreciative attitude.

My good-natured friend responded by asking “What WOULD you like to have happen today?” and “What does JUICY look like?”

Some of you might recognize these questions as being life coach typical. Well, I was surprised by my instant distaste at the idea of jumping into the “coaching pond.” I didn’t want to be coached. Me… a life coach!

So, I wrote back:

“Honestly, I’m not open to coaching today but I can meet you for a cup of tea just to connect. I actually feel resentment about the idea of being coached for some reason. Not that I don’t appreciate your genuine interest to offer some guidance. I am well, just ‘journeying’ and want to keep the oven door closed for the time being.”

My friend and I had a wonderful visit and enjoyed spontaneous, free-flowing conversation; just two humans connecting with no agenda other than to connect.

Keeping it real

I was being honest about how I was feeling and damn it felt good. I was not passing judgment on my friend and we both understood where each other was coming from. I didn’t feel the pressure of having to keep my “stuff” tightly capped.

This helped release the judgment I was making on myself about how “This is NEGATIVE and MUST change”. That alone was enough to shift the mood from black to a light shade of grey.

Honesty really is the best policy because we both learned from this. My friend later shared with me how they have a tendency to “rescue” people. I have that tendency too and this was my chance to experience it from another perspective.

Life gets uncomfortable when we suddenly recognize behaviours that aren’t working and ways of thinking that don’t serve us anymore. We know more about what we don’t want. The ego wants to hold on for dear life, but we choose to let go, piece by piece.

“Do not judge yourself when you are dying to ways that no longer fit.”
Devrah Laval

I didn’t want to be the object of conversation. I realized that all I wanted was the permission to be with how I was feeling. I didn’t want to try to fix anything. There was no problem to be solved and no goal to be set. “Why coach the grass to grow?” I wondered.

Coaching is there when I choose to be coached; when I actually want to water the lawn or shape the hedges. The point is, a person can make the choice to do what they want to do with where they are at. Sometimes a person just has to drive through a dark tunnel to get to greener pastures. It’s not good or bad. It’s just living life.

What do you know more about: what you want, or what you don’t want?

What DOES juicy look like to you? :-)

Photo Credit: ff137

Just believe

“All my limitations are self-imposed, and my liberation can only come from true self-love.”
- Max Robinson

The following passage was taken from a Hallmark card that a very good friend sent to me. Reading it made my day because I’d forgotten to believe in myself. This reminded me how much I have accomplished. It reminded me to appreciate myself.

In life coaching when a coach gives a compliment or offers support, they’ll often tell you “let it land” … before you shake your head or shrug it off. And this landed for me, big time.

So, if you’ve had a heavy or challenging day, read this. If you don’t honestly resonate with it, what is it that you don’t believe, and why?

Know that somewhere, someone believes this about you. Remember when you believed it.

If you’ve had a fantastic day, read this. Connect these words to the powerfully positive feelings that you are living. Own them. You’re feeling like a million bucks! Celebrate. Absorb it. Let it land.

I think this is a wonderful way to start off the week. Be a friend to yourself and let this land, will ya?

I believe in you…
in your spirit,
your goodness,
in the way that you face each day
with a commitment to your life
and the things that really matter.
I believe in the decisions you make,
in the careful consideration
you give each challenge,
in the perseverance you’ve shown
when others might have given up.
I believe that you possess
an extraordinary strength
and endless reserve of resilience –
even more than you realize.
You are a person of enormous courage,
someone truly special in this world,
a rare and beautiful gift to all of us…
And I hope you’ll never forget that I believe in you!
m
Jennifer Fujita

And so…

Did it land?

What was your reaction? Tears? Awkwardness? A big smile?

Be honest. Don’t pretend it resonated if it didn’t. Own that — let THAT land.

You’re being given a clue. Where are you selling yourself short?

Give yourself some advice, as a friend. What would you say?

On a scale of 1 to 10, with ten being top-notch, how much did this resonate with you?

Photo Credit: Nganguyen’s photostream