Looking for happiness

Let’s play a game shall we? Grab a pen and a piece of paper.

In this first section I’m going to ask you six questions and I want you to answer honestly. Keep your answers to yourself, and if you feel like sharing in the comment section, please go ahead.

Don’t think too hard about the answers. Just write down what first comes to mind. If you are thinking for more than a minute on one, move to the next question and then return when you are finished. Most importantly, be honest and have fun!

Let’s get started.

1. On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being the ideal), how happy are you?

If you have answered 10 then good for you! All you 10s… take a minute to jot down the reasons you have to be happy. What would your life be like without these things?

If your answer was anything less than 10, please continue answering the questions.

2. What is the one thing that is missing that would make all the difference in your happiness?

3. What would your life be like if that happened?

4. What is the one thing you can do that will bring this into your life?

5. What would you have to let go of to have the life you want?

6. What story are you making up that is preventing you from achieving this happiness?

Ok, we’re finished with this step. What did you learn?

Do you see the possibilities you can create for yourself? When will you achieve this? Today? Tomorrow? Next week? Next month? Next year?

But wait. I have one last question…

Why are you choosing to delay joy?

Happiness and you

I’m pretty sure most of us at one time or another have thought we couldn’t be happy until we get what we want. “I’ll be happy when…”

Perhaps we’ve succeeded and believe we have everything we could ever dream of having, but we’re afraid of losing it because it defines us. What happens when we get it and realize it wasn’t what we thought it would be, or there is still something missing?

Happiness comes with so many conditions doesn’t it?

Those of you who rated your happiness as a 10 and listed the reasons why, could you imagine your life without these things? How much did your happiness depend on them?

How to switch on happiness

I’ll keep this short and sweet.

Happiness IS sweet — like the icing on a cake.

How many cakes can you ice today? How many places or people can you find to add happiness to?

Rather than take it out of life, put it into life.

What colour is your icing? What flavour? Can you just taste it now?

Photo credit: Code Poet & AMagill

Designing fulfillment

What would make you cry with tears of joy if you had it? Do you even dare ask for it? Does it seem too far out of reach? Perhaps you’re convinced that it will never happen.

And just so we’re all on the same page, I’m not talking about winning the lottery.

I’m talking about the life you dream of – what you long for whether you believe it is possible or not. And if your life is already your dream come true, how much bigger could it be?

If you were living that life what would you be doing? Who would you be with? Where would you be?

And most importantly, how would you be feeling while you were living that life? That is the key, more than the dream itself.

Dare to dream

Okay, I’ll play first. What would I be doing if my life were the way I wanted it to be? What would that picture look like? (See above photo.)

I would wake in the early morning hours to bright rays of sunshine streaming through the window. I would stroll outside to the third-story deck and sip my coffee while gazing at the beautiful view overlooking the shores of the Pacific Coast – miles of trees, mountains and ocean.

Wind chimes would play soothing melodies in the breeze. Birds would play in the nearby feeder. My cat would be curled up in a corner, oblivious to the birds, waiting for the next adventure to wake him from his slumber.

I’d see my husband in the distance, off for his morning jog along one of the trails. He is a handsome, rugged, woodsman type kinda guy. I am grateful for his companionship and we are blessed with a harmonious marriage.

We designed and built this modern-style log cabin and it rests in this remote, private location. This spot on the upper deck is my favourite. I spend hours here writing, relaxing, doing yoga and enjoying the view.

I am an award-winning writer and one of the most sought after life coaches around. Business and life are balanced in such a way that my husband and I are able to travel extensively and spend quality time together hiking, camping, and mountain biking.

When my husband is not out working as a freelance photographer or working on his next painting, he is in the kitchen cooking up tasty recipes that would give any professional chef a run for their money.

When I am not working with my clients or writing, I enjoy playing the clarinet, taking dance classes, and spending afternoons out with friends sipping specialty coffee and enjoying good conversation. Tending our bountiful vegetable and herb garden occupies the rest of my time.

I am at peace with myself and my life, healthy and happy. Our home nurtures us and all whom we invite in. We are filled with gratitude at the rewards and prosperity we have been blessed with.

Fulfillment is realized

When I sit with this visualization I feel complete. Insanely complete! While in this state there is no fear and no expectation. This feeling is timeless and alive whether the dream has manifested or not – it is the essence of fulfillment.

I have written this passage twice and although the ingredients change slightly over time, what hasn’t changed is the end result. Feeling complete.

Without fear of loss, disappointment or expectations colouring our dreams, they come alive in other ways. Imagine cultivating this feeling every day instead of waiting for it to happen someday, or waiting for the perfect life to define it.

What we do is shaped by what we feel. This feeling, this essence of fulfillment can colour everything you do and empower the choices you make. Imagine how differently you would make choices in your life, and how differently you would treat people. How differently you would treat yourself!

How are you living fulfillment in your everyday life?

What would your story be if you were to write it today?

Photo credit: Greenbroke

Thinking, thinking, one, two, three… ask!

“Curiosity lifts the corners of life.”

Julie from Random Meanderings

When you jump to conclusions you miss a lot. You lose opportunities to connect with people, and they with you. You lose a chance to connect with yourself.

Last year, during a life coach training workshop I was doing a practice exercise with one of my colleagues. We were talking about goals and dreams — you know, the usual stuff. We were standing in a corner of the room. A dozen or so other pairs were practicing the same exercise at the same time.

I was feeling self-conscious about asking the “right” questions — judging my performance and doubting my coaching abilities. I was focusing on myself instead of her.

This is described as Level One Thinking. In Level Two Thinking a coach is aware of the client and what they are saying.

In Level Three Thinking intuition encourages a stronger focus. The coach is not only aware of what the other person is saying. They are aware of the tone of their voice and the expression on their face. They notice posture and gestures. They tune into the whole experience. Observing these clues gives their subconscious mind the ability to connect at a deeper level. Questions flow naturally.

Through this connection the listening is magnified and the perspective is opened. The mind surrenders and both people can support the process in a stronger, more authentic way. Judgment gives way to curiosity. And curiosity opens the door to value.

My friend had used the metaphor of a bird’s nest to describe a feeling she had about a goal and how she was going to manifest it.

When she mentioned the bird’s nest I assumed that it was made of twigs. Simple, until I had a curious moment. I dared to be different and asked a silly question.

“What does this nest look like?”

She hadn’t even considered that. Even she had assumed it looked like a bird’s nest. We were both limiting ourselves with that assumption.

Asking that question opened her mind and took her deeper into the experience to explore her goal further. This helped her uncover more possibilities for herself.

As it turns out, the nest was made of soft, colourful blankets. I could feel her focus on the goal strengthen. Her enthusiasm increased as she described what the nest looked like. It was being revealed to both of us at the same time. We were both beyond Level Three Thinking. We were just being.

Your curiosity impacts others

During the busyness of our conversations, we do not often hear what each other is saying. We nod our heads. Share an understanding “yes” or “no”. But in turn, we are thinking about what our response will be. Or what their response will be. And most likely they are doing the same thing. It’s a dance.

This dance keeps us on the surface. It’s chocked full of assumptions. Imagine if we were to awaken our curiosity, how much deeper our connections could go. What more we could learn. How much we could add to each others lives.

We would feel seen and heard and encourage this in others. Society could benefit with simple curiosity. It would add more value to our lives.

A person never knows what they’re missing until they go there. And they can’t go there if they assume they are already there.

What about you? Can you recognize how curiosity could add more value to your life? On what level of thinking do you spend most of your time?

The quote used at the beginning of this article is one of Julie’s submissions to The Quote Effect. There is still time if you want to contribute. The deadline for submissions is January 31. Read more about The Quote Effect here and Contact me for a Submission Form.

This article is a contribution to Jeremy Day’s Group Writing Project on Creating Value. Do you want to participate? Get all the details over at Insight Writer where the tagline is “Freshly squeezed insight for better living”.

Photo from Reclusive Monkey on Flickr.com

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