Coaching Perfection and Personal Development, One Judgment at a Time

Kreativ Blogger Award

Sara from The Sharing Connection has nominated me as a Kreativ Blogger. Thanks Sara!

The tagline for her blog is A place to connect and share things learned in this journey through life.

Having just returned from an extended trip to Switzerland, she has been sharing some amazing photographs with her readers. And, her regular Monday post Story Photo Challenge always makes me think. She has a way of bringing out your playful spirit.

It was a challenge to come up with seven things about me that I thought would be interesting; things you might not have already read in memes and personal stories. But I have managed to come up with some new ones; we’ll get to that a bit later.

In the meantime I have chosen seven other bloggers for the Kreativ Blogger Award. I’ve been reading their blogs for a while now and thought it would be fun to get to know them a little better.

The nominees for the Kreativ Blogger Award are:

1. Lisa Newton at Travelin’ Local – From Los Angeles to San Diego and everything in between.

2. Stephen at Simply Stephen who promotes green, simple living.

3. Lori at Think Like a Black Belt, the website for physical, mental and emotional self defense.

4. Maya at ThinkMaya who blogs about frameworks for happiness and balance in life and career.

5. Barb at Over Coffee who is Taking a lifetime to see more, share thoughts, live fully.

6. Carla at Green + Chic who writes about natural, organic clean personal care products.

7. Stacey at Create a Balance, a life balance blog for moms.

Disclaimer: You seven Kreativ Bloggers are of course not obligated to participate… and even if you were, there is no way I could make you! And hey, I’m all for breaking the rules. Do you have to nominate seven other bloggers? Not on my watch. But then again, I’m sure they’d appreciate the links just the same.

7 steps to accept the Kreativ Blogger Award

To accept this award, these are the seven steps you are “supposed to” take:

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.

2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.

5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.

6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.

7. Leave a comment on each of the seven blogs letting them know they have been nominated.

7 interesting facts about myself

1. I met Shirley MacLaine. I was a huge fan of hers way back in the early 90s. Her dancing and singing revue, Out There Tonight sold out during its American tour, but I was able to see it before that at the O’Keefe Centre in Toronto. I couldn’t believe I was being a “groupie” but there I was, FIRST in line at Stage Door. After ages of waiting, she finally appeared and was immediately swallowed up by the crowd. I stood slightly behind her, watching her sign autograph after autograph. When she turned to look at me I ask if I could have a hug. She handed her pen to her escort and we hugged. I practically floated home on cloud nine, star-struck. What is it about being star-struck anyway?

2. I have been living on the gluten-free diet for almost seven years. Living on this diet has become second nature, but I still miss going out for fish and chips or ordering pizza on a rainy Friday night.

3. I almost died when I was five. I had asthma and just before my fifth birthday I developed double pneumonia and the measles. I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks at least. The doctor told my mom that I had been delirious and was talking about bears. I had a bear phobia back then.

4. I did a Vision Quest in the early 90s (during my Shirley MacLaine phase). I spent three days alone in a tent, with no food or water, wearing nothing but a cotton wrap. I have no recollection of how I passed the time!

5. I worked for a Private Investigator over 12 years ago. I typed up special top-secret reports from their undercover surveillance cases.

6. My mother was married four times. My father was married twice. So, I have two stepsisters, two stepbrothers, one stepmother and three stepfathers. Phew! When and if I ever meet that special someone, my wedding will NOT be traditional.

7. Most people tell me I am pretty easy-going and a bit shy. However, when I get to know someone I can’t shut up. I can be pretty bossy sometimes too. Just ask my sisters.

There you have it. Now I have it all out of my system. It’s great to be asked to talk about yourself, cause that way you don’t appear too egotistical when you do. Or, have I spoiled that now?

Anything you care to share about yourself? Be bold!

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Blogging, Balloons & Yeah!

No blog birthday would be complete without a few numbers, so here goes: 2 blogs, 365 days, 76 posts and 1,956 comments — it’s time to celebrate! Personally, I’ll stick with the number 2 if I have to blow out any candles.

On June 20th, 2008 I started blogging. Loving Pulse was the name I chose for my blog before eagerly writing that first post “The Eye of the Storm.” I hit the Publish Button and waited.

After searching for information on how to blog I left a comment on Blogging Without A Blog. It was not long before my first comment appeared much to my delight — thank you Barbara Swafford!

I’ve learned a lot this past year, especially since making the move to a self-hosted blog and launching Shades of Crimson last December.

5 Things I’ve Learned About Blogging

First and foremost I learned that blogging doesn’t just happen. And writing doesn’t always just happen either, thanks to the fluctuating muse. In any event, these are the things I’ve focused on since that day in June of 2008.

1. Confidence As a new blogger, I was easily threatened by the success, knowledge and community that other bloggers had developed. I was impressed by subscriber counts and the number of comments. I learned to NOT compare myself to other bloggers or try to change myself. I was on my own journey. If anything, I could learn a lot from them.

2. Time Management During the first year of blogging I gained almost 20 pounds! I spent hours writing, reading and commenting. Blogging became a diversion and then an addiction. I learned that I had to balance time spent blogging with other areas of life. I’m still learning this one!

3. Planning That first post I published? It was the only one that existed. I had no other drafts prepared. I didn’t put a lot of thought into the types of topics I would write about or why, or what message was behind the words. In hindsight, I wish I had put more thought into this.

4. Creativity Some people believe they are not creative. I disagree. There is writing and there is expression. We express ourselves uniquely and that IS our niche — our voice — that is creativity in progress, no matter what the content. There is none other like ourselves, no other experience like ours.

5. Respect It has become important to respect words. Which words are used and if ever. I may not always agree with something a blogger has written, but it is important to respect not only my viewpoint, but theirs as well. We won’t always agree with one another, but it can be to someone’s benefit to share another point of view. It is respectful to ourselves to share our truth when we feel inspired to do so.

Blogging Advice for Newbies

Now that I know what I know, this is what I would do differently if I were planning to start a blog.

1. I would write drafts and have at least a dozen prepared before I launched my blog.

2. At least a month before I published my first post I would start visiting other blogs to begin making connections and become familiar with how the process works.

3. I would start a Twitter account to coincide with the launch of my blog.

4. I would spend time reading the following blogs:

Problogger.net — Blog tips to help you make money blogging
Blogging Without A Blog — Your blogging classroom on the Web
Confident Writing — For writing tips from a writing coach
Copyblogger — Copywriting tips for online marketing success
Virtual Impax — Social media strategy, web tools and online marketing magic
(Anti) Social Development — Tutorials and tips on WordPress, social media, RSS
WPBlogHost — Where people come to start and host a blog

What Is Important to Me as a Blogger?

Expression. Inspiration. Writing. Words. Simple, light, pure naked truth. Discovery of the simple.

I write because I enjoy knowing when people have been inspired, have gained a new perspective or been entertained. When I see LMAO in my comment section it makes my day. LMAO is a favourite acronym used by Cath Lawson, a blogger who will tell it like it is.

What I’ve seen a lot of this past year? Bloggers like to help other bloggers! Thanks to all of you who participated in the creation of The Quote Effect, and for displaying it on your blogs too.

I am thankful for your continued support — on my blog AND behind the scenes. Here’s to Year Two and another colourful year with Shades of Crimson. Bloggers rock!

Photo credit: Pink Sherbet

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The Wrath of Crows

A fresh light breeze was blowing, the sun was casting its gentle morning rays and I had planned some quiet reading time on my balcony. This was clearly not meant to be on account of one baby crow learning to fly.

In early June when baby crows begin learning to fly they become vulnerable to predators. I was distracted from reading by loud, frantic cawing and watched as unsuspecting passersby were greeted by a swoosh of wings when this parent crow swooped over their heads. Cawing madly, this crow followed pedestrians from tree to tree halfway down the block.

One after another, I watched their reactions. Some ducked and covered their heads. One woman screamed and ran. Another guy waved his arm over his head for a good portion of the block. A couple approaching from the other direction saw this and handbags were raised to shield their heads. (Why not cross the street?) Minutes later another woman stooped to pick up rocks — I was glad she didn’t throw them. One woman walked by with her umbrella up, even though it wasn’t raining. She was swooped too.

With the exception of joggers and cyclists, nobody was immune to this attack. Women with strollers, dog-walkers, the elderly, men, women and children were not spared safe passage.

I began to anticipate the swoopings and sometimes found myself chuckling  — I just couldn’t help myself — casually sitting in a front row seat to this modern-day screening of The Birds.

Nature Takes Care of Its Own

This continued for the better part of the day. That night I considered the baby might have been injured. I felt badly that I hadn’t investigated and perhaps moved it away from the sidewalk. This would have made everyone’s lives easier — the crows, the pedestrians and mine.

The next morning it started again at about 9:30. I caught a glimpse of the baby fluttering its wings in a shrub near the sidewalk. Good. At least it was okay. An hour later I was standing at my window watching people being dive-bombed by not one, but two crows this time.

I devised a plan and put it into action. After borrowing some chalk from my neighbour I proceeded to write “Beware of Crows” on the sidewalk at each end of the block. Then I returned the chalk, watched and waited.

From what I could see, most people ignored the signs. One woman stood on the street for a couple of minutes like she was waiting for someone, before moving on. I was waiting for something too. Can you guess what? A couple of more steps and she was dive-bombed. She ducked, screamed, covered her head and ran across the street. I remembered how much this hurt when it happened to me the year before, but I still couldn’t help smiling. My bad?

Thankfully this subsided after another hour. People continued to either not see or ignore the signs and passed by with no drama. The crows and their baby must have moved to another practice area.

Now, after all this birdwatching, this makes me wonder. Do those straw scarecrows really have what it takes? After this, I think not. Wild birds, especially crows will not be fooled.

Your opinion?

Have you ever witnessed this or been dive-bombed by a crow?

If you saw a sign like the one I made would you take it seriously? Why or why not?

Photo credit: Marxchivist

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A Metaphor Made of Stone

We sat at the round table, focused and silent. I listened to the rhythmic ticking of the cuckoo clock, and across the table his eyes twinkled with just one question. “What would you like to have happen today?”

“Well for starters, I would like to feel more relaxed.”

He nodded, “How do you know you are not relaxed?”

“There is a lump in my throat.”

“Describe the lump.”

“It is like a fist, clenched. About this size.” I raised my clenched fist and he nodded again. “Tell me more. What does it feel like? What colour is it?”

“It is very hard.” I paused and continued with obvious surprise, “But… it’s soft in the centre. Not at all like I would have imagined. It’s granite. That’s interesting… it’s like the stone our farmhouse was built from.”

His eyes twinkled, encouragingly. Loud music from below interrupted the gentle space and my attention clung to the image of the lump in my throat. It felt more pronounced now and though our conversation moved on, I had not. Muffled drum rhythm held me captive.

“What’s happening now?” he asked.

“I wish my neighbour would turn their music down.”

He smiled. “It’s okay. This is simply part of our experience right now.”

I was annoyed but lingered on his words. We sat. The music played. The lump in my throat tightened. I resisted the moment, convinced that he too was uncomfortable with the music. How could he not be? My thoughts flashed back to the farmhouse — the granite. My mother was there. Unhappy.

A Story, Captivated by Silence

Memories surfaced about how we had to play quiet in the kitchen because mother was napping upstairs. She would become angry if we made too much noise. I learned how to be almost invisible. Good at keeping the peace. Captivated by silence.

I was captivated now by an epiphany and felt his anticipation as I began to share. “You know, I’ve figured out what’s going on. It’s not about the music. I’m concerned about keeping a comfortable space here for you. I’m worried that you will become angry at the noise… just like my mother would have.”

I was feeling excited as my energy shifted with this realization. “I’m afraid of having to deal with your reaction, trying to hold the peace. Afraid of saying something wrong.”

“What else are you doing?”

“I’m making up a story.” He nodded. “And, what is the relationship between myself and your mother?”

“Nothing.” I was silent. The music had stopped. This story was old and I could stop listening to it. I could break the silence I had allowed to take hold of me and start expressing myself.

His eyes were still twinkling, “How is that lump in your throat?”

“Gone.”

Metaphor Inquiry

The “He” in this story — this real story — is my friend Ian Johnson. We were practicing working with metaphors one day, and employing what he calls, Clean Decision-Making (CDM).

“CDM uses active metaphor inquiry to integrate as many perspectives as possible and develop a non-objectionable path forward… It is used for personal development by individuals to help them get clear on what they want…”

Although my intention was to feel more relaxed, what was really lying below the surface was that I wanted permission to express myself freely.

CDM takes a person below the surface of what they are conscious of. It deals with the most challenging aspects of decision-making, one of which is identifying the real problem.

Metaphors are used more commonly than we are aware of. They are a language we can tap into to deepen our experience.

What I continue to learn about them is their changing and vulnerable nature. Once our mind gets hold of this “pretty picture” it can manipulate our experience, keeping us locked into it. I explored the image of the fist in my throat, which lead me to the stone. And if my mind had its way, I would have believed this stone was rock hard and solid — not soft in the centre.

Metaphors are a favourite tool with life coaches, and after working with Ian, I am more convinced at how valuable they are. Clients of mine can expect the language of metaphors in our sessions because having an opportunity to express our story will move us past obstacles. Just by telling the story, the falsities will fall away and only the truth will remain.

Have you noticed when telling your story, that you seem to “know” what is true and what is not?

What is your story? Are you telling it, or letting it tell you? Think about it.

Photo credit: Jsome1

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The Empathic, Naked Soul

This morning I was overwhelmed by sadness, and for no apparent reason. I was curious because nothing was “wrong”, yet I still felt like having a good cry.

So, I let a few tears wet my cheeks, all the while wondering, “What is this feeling?” “Where has it come from?” “Why now?” The answer that came to me was this:

“You continue to evolve and grow. You have arrived at a new phase in your life, while having outgrown your old belief system. You don’t recognize who you are yet.

Everything is new and unfamiliar. Your reflection in the mirror is the same, yet something is different and you can’t quite put your finger on it.

You are mourning those parts of yourself that you have allowed to dissolve. They have simply fallen away effortlessly, and your ego’s bubble has been burst. It has no reference points.

You feel homesick for those lost parts of yourself. No matter how painful or uncomfortable they may have been, they were familiar. Your soul is now naked, the slate wiped clean, ready to start anew. You are looking for something familiar, some comfort to help you settle in. Just remember.”

Remembering the Innocence

I looked into that imaginary crystal ball, and travelled back to a place of innocence. Another place of unfolding and growth. A place of allowing, even though I wasn’t aware of it then. It was happening despite the choices I made.

I was delighted by what I remembered and bathed in this melancholy, feeling refreshed and more alive. The heaviness turned to curiosity, which in turn led me on an adventure. When I was finished, I felt home again in this new place — remembering me.

Just for fun, here are some of the things I remembered:

Watching the Waltons on Sunday evenings.
Drinking coffee with Coffee-mate — yuck!
Gathering snowy pieces of wood from the woodpile for our fireplace.
Eating Cream of Wheat cereal with lots of brown sugar.
Making onion sandwiches with white Wonder Bread and mayonnaise — yum!
Picking raspberries with my sisters down the lane.
Playing KerPlunk and Snakes and Ladders on a rainy afternoon.
Watching my grandmother wash her face with Noxzema.
The sound of popcorn being made in the kitchen.
Wagon Wheels and bologna sandwiches for lunch.
Freshly washed sheets hanging on the clothesline, frozen in the wintery breeze.
Watching my mother’s silhouette in the moonlight while she tucked me in.
My aching calves during haying season.
Wearing bell-bottoms and bangs.
Watching autumn leaves chase the school bus while it meandered along the winding roads towards school.
The sound of the frogs and crickets at night.
Resting on dirty bended knees, and smiling while watching tadpoles wiggle around in mud puddles.
Climbing a tree, barefoot and feeling safely hidden by its whispering leaves.
Laying on in the cool green grass, watching wispy clouds sail across the sky.

Melancholy is Becoming You

Memories and melancholy danced in my thoughts. Instead of avoiding my sadness, instead of running from it or pretending it didn’t exist I played in the sandbox. The sands of time if you may, brought me home.

I remembered pieces of my childhood, memories that brought me validation of having “been somewhere”. Memories that honoured my innocence. I felt on the brink of something new.

There is humility in allowing and witnessing the unfolding of yourself. There is courage and comfort in stepping outside of yourself to take an admiring glance at how far you’ve come. Remember?

We’re constantly growing even when we’re not aware of it. When the unknown, or unfamiliar may feel a little overwhelming, turn around and see from where you’ve come. See your footprints. You are on a path.

Go ahead, pat yourself on the back. Look at how far you have come. And wonder what is ahead. Be curious. There is courage in not always knowing where you are headed. Encourage the unfolding; trust it.

Loving who you were will ignite inspiration to move you forward into the unknown. It will connect you with a space in time where you loved who you were; when you loved where you were. Love where you are now because someday you will look back upon this time and this memory for sustenance.

What memories do you have that make you feel whole in your life now?

What gives you that boost to keep going when you feel a little lost or overwhelmed at the newness you’ve discovered in yourself?

What new memories have you made today?

Photo credit: Morning Glory

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Life is not always fair

Sometimes we are taken advantage of. Sometimes we do all the right things, but still lose. Sometimes we act cautiously and end up getting hurt anyway.

Why do the perceived innocent suffer? Because the ego steps in to save FACE with Fear, Attachment, Control and Entitlement.

These four motives are what cause our suffering in the first place. The upkeep of the ego demands tremendous energy. While we are distracted by it and serving it, we are denying ourselves. Keeping our cool separates us from the reality of what is happening. It freezes our aliveness.

Mindful connections

When we are being mindful we are revealing our true nature. We are distinct beings, yet our ego can easily convince us this is all we are. But we are more than that — we are interconnected with each other.

We help one another and ourselves through empathic presence: listening to each others’ “story” with the five A’s — attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing. We allow ourselves to be present with what IS without adding or editing or resisting.

“… when a feeling state or an immediate experience is granted a hearing in full safety, something wonderfully opening happens. A shift occurs automatically. Once someone experiences a self-validating moment to the full, an inner permission to let go and move on is granted from deep in the psyche. Bearings are gained when the pilot has an honest view of where the ship is, no matter how lost or off course. …Anything but Yes is a handicap.” — David Richo

Yes is a mindful reply to unfairness

Through empathic presence we experience an unconditional Yes, the key to moving beyond the ego, beyond victimhood. Embracing curiosity keeps us present in what IS rather than rejecting it for our preferred version.

Feeling empathy will help us to experience our reality beyond the illusion we have created. We’ll find that the outcome is never as severe as the illusions we create. As Govinda, Hundu sage says, “We are transformed by what we accept.”

You can also embrace mindfulness with your breath by practicing this affirmation from the Breathe Easy Deck that was published earlier this week.

“I breathe in the realization that I am not my name, nor what I do for a living. I am filled with the knowledge that I am a soul traveling onward. I breathe out the illusion of being separate from All-There-Is.”

This is the final post in this Positively Breathing series. I hope you have enjoyed the journey.

The above material has been adapted and expanded on from David Richo’s The Five Things We Cannot Change… and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them.

No questions this time. Just keep breathing — positively!

Feel free to share your comments though. Let’s dance…

Photo Credit: Saital

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Breathe Easy — Soul

“I am a universe observing all other universes.”

Hi everyone! This is the seventh post in a series of eight, and the fourth and last affirmation. If you’re just joining in, please refer to the introduction to read about the benefits of the Breathe Easy Deck.

And if you’ve been following this series from the beginning, you know what to do! :-)

Write down the following affirmation so you can practice it during the week. Take a few minutes to find a comfortable resting position and begin breathing comfortably.

When you are ready, continue with your relaxed breathing and focus on the following affirmation. Practice this for up to 10 minutes, or longer.

This Week’s Affirmation

“I breathe in the realization that I am not my name, nor what I do for a living. I am filled with the knowledge that I am a soul traveling onward. I breathe out the illusion of being separate from All-There-Is.”

Practice this exercise every morning this week, or when it is convenient. Thursday’s post will give you the opportunity to work with this affirmation from a different perspective.

This series is based on the Breathe Easy Deck from the Enchanted World of Amy Zerner and Monte Farber. The content has been used with permission.

Comments are closed to give you extra time to practice, but they will be open on Thursday’s post. I look forward to hearing your comments about the affirmation and how it worked for you during the week.

No more “waiting to exhale”! :~)

Photo Credit: Kwerfeldein

Treat me nice

People are not loving and loyal to us all the time. We don’t act loving and loyal towards others all the time. It’s a simple fact of life. And, our egos are praying “please like me”, whether we are aware of it or not.

We subconsciously believe that we deserve to be treated well by everyone, all the time.

Some people will dislike us, lie, be hypocritical and break promises. We may feel betrayed, cheated and unworthy. We may even seek revenge.

With awareness and practice, we can come to accept this simple fact of life… that no one person was ever loved or treated respectfully by everyone.

The cycle can be broken — we will feel less unworthy and seek less revenge.  When we can accept this fact of life, we will be less likely to allow the actions of others to determine our self-worth.

4 signs the ego has surfaced

When we feel hurt by another person it could be that our ego has reared its “entitled and demanding head”.

If you hear yourself thinking the following, you are hearing your ego loud and clear.

1. I need to be able to control how other people react to me.
2. I am afraid that if everyone doesn’t accept and love me, I will not survive.
3. I am attached to my idea of who I am as a person.
4. I am entitled to being treated lovingly by everyone.

How can we be true to ourselves and co-exist with our egos, plus all the liars, cheats and hypocrites in this world? Accept the reality of what we “see” as our inadequacies and those of other people.

Find it in yourself

David Richo says,

“As we kindly accept the reality of others’ inadequacy, our own needs begin to change. We no longer need what cannot be had. …we reduce our unrealistic expectations…”

In his book The Five Things We Cannot Change… and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them, he says…

“Find it in yourself means finding it in the part of you that is committed to engaging in spiritual practices, not in the needy part of you that comes to the fore during a crisis or in desperation. You can learn to trust that there is a sane, wise, and nurturant resource within you. In fact, the more you know what you really want, the less desperately you need it. This happens because your self-esteem, confidence, and clarity grow.”

He gives a few suggestions about how to do this. I have listed (in part and condensed from my perspective), three of the eight tips from his book.

1. Say Yes to ourselves. Notice where your deepest values and wishes are, and follow them with an engaged focus. This practice of trying new things will encourage you to accept yourself as you are, while appreciating and valuing yourself completely.

2. See others as fellow pilgrims. Other people cannot complete you. They are not meant to give you comfort or answers — the shrine is in your own heart.

3. Make contact with nature in different ways every day. Nature is the mother of a sense of belonging, and that is a sense of self.

What else can you do to nurture that wise resource within yourself?

Practice this affirmation from the Breathe Easy Deck and the Enchanted World of Amy Zerner and Monte Farber.

“I breathe in tolerance for the weaknesses I see in others and in myself. I am filled with the realization that life is fragile. I breathe out all of my expectations.”

*The above material has been adapted and expanded on from David Richo’s The Five Things We Cannot Change… and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them.

On Sunday Affirmation 4 will be published here. The topic for the last affirmation in this series is Soul.

How committed are you to being self-nurturant? What works for you?

How many ways can you think of to say Yes to yourself today?

Photo Credit: Paha. Purchased from Dreamstime.com and used with permission. Illegal download and usage not allowed.

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Breathe Easy — Reflection

“We are all mirrors for each other, seeing our likes and dislikes reflected back to us.”

Hi everyone! This is the fifth post in a series of eight for the month of May. If you’re just joining in, please refer to the introduction to read about the benefits of the Breathe Easy Deck.

If you’ve been following this series from the beginning just skip ahead to the Affirmation, cause you’re a pro by now :-)

Write down the following affirmation so that you can practice it during the week. Take a few minutes to find a comfortable resting position and begin breathing comfortably.

When you are ready, continue with your relaxed breathing and focus on the affirmation. Practice this for up to 10 minutes, or longer.

This Week’s Affirmation*

“I breathe in tolerance for the weaknesses I see in others and in myself. I am filled with the realization that life is fragile. I breathe out all of my expectations.”

Practice this exercise every morning this week, or when it is convenient for you. Thursday’s post will give you the opportunity to work with this affirmation from a different perspective.

This series is based on the Breathe Easy Deck from the Enchanted World of Amy Zerner and Monte Farber.

*Content has been used with permission and cannot be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

Comments are closed on these Sunday posts to give you the extra time to practice, but they will be open on Thursday’s post. I look forward to hearing your comments about the affirmation and how it worked for you during the week.

Keep breathing…

Photo Credit: Sudhamshu

Beyond our control

On the night of October 13, 1937, a high school girl named Doris Van Kappelhoff was involved in a serious car accident. Her injuries curtailed her plans to go to Hollywood to become a dancer.

While recuperating, Doris practiced singing along with female vocalists on the radio. Her perseverance and training paid off when she was hired to sing in a band and soon after, she found parts in movies. Eventually, she changed her name to Doris Day.

This tragic event altered her original plans, leading her in another direction where she found her true calling. I wonder now, putting all obvious discomfort aside, how “tragic” this event really was. Although life does not always go according to our plans, it doesn’t have to leave us feeling crestfallen either.

Doris was committed to dealing with what happened — she made the best of it. Living with life’s conditions in an allowing way is a healthy, mature perspective.

The nature of humility

Things do not always go according to plan. This evokes the archetype of synchronicity and meaningful coincidences. Because our ego insists that things always go our way, we might initially react to disappointment with defiance — fear and desire, debate and blame.

This is in resistance to conditions as they are, and causes suffering. Allowing things to unfold as they will takes humble surrender. This is where nature meets us — humility makes us closer to the earth. The word humility comes from the word humus and goes beyond mere modesty.

Humility is the virtue that helps us when we feel in a state of powerlessness — it tunes our awareness to our reality.

“Nothing is ever complete or finished. Everything is a work in progress, especially ourself.”
- David Richo

Breathe Easy — I am floating

We make plans, generally expecting to be in control of what will happen. However, we are challenged by life’s “mind of its own” and have to learn to let go of having things come out our way.

We act with precision, commitment and self-discipline, expecting life to reward us for our efforts. Yet, discipline and perfect control is the best way to miss out on the joy of life.

If you’ve been working with Affirmation 2 (below) this week, you’ve already been practicing letting go of your attachment to outcomes. Again, it’s all about going with the flow.

“I breathe in the stillness that quiets my worries and the pressures of time. I am filled with the certainty that I will act correctly when the time is right. I breathe out my attachment to outcomes.”

*With the exception of the above affirmation, this material has been adapted and expanded on from David Richo’s The Five Things We Cannot Change… and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them — available from the Amazon link in the sidebar.

On Sunday, Affirmation 3 will be published from the Breathe Easy Deck and the Enchanted World of Amy Zerner and Monte Farber.

The topic for Affirmation 3 is Reflection.

Has life ever dealt you a new hand that lead you in a completely different direction? Looking back now, can you see how this altered your life?

How flexible are you with your plans?

Do you notice coincidences? How have they played out in your life?

Photo Credit: Clairity

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Breathe Easy — Floating

“Sometimes it is best to decide not to decide just yet.”

This is the third post in a series of eight for the month of May. Refer to the introduction for specific instructions on how to work with this week’s affirmation.

If you’ve been following this series from last week just skip ahead to the affirmation.

Write down the following affirmation on a piece of paper so that you can practice it during the week. Before you focus on this, take a few minutes to find a comfortable resting position and begin breathing comfortably.

When you are ready, continue with your relaxed breathing and focus on the affirmation. Practice this for up to 10 minutes, or longer if you choose.

This Week’s Affirmation*

“I breathe in the stillness that quiets my worries and the pressures of time. I am filled with the certainty that I will act correctly when the time is right. I breathe out my attachment to outcomes.”

Practice this exercise every morning this week, or when it is convenient for you. Thursday’s post will give you the opportunity to work with this affirmation from a different perspective.

This series is based on the Breathe Easy Deck from the Enchanted World of Amy Zerner and Monte Farber.

*Content has been used with permission and cannot be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

Comments are closed to give you extra time to practice. They will be open on Thursday’s post. I look forward to hearing your comments about the affirmation and how it worked for you during the week.

Breathe :~)

Note: After I finished prepping this article, I noticed that the woman in the painting appears to be smoking. How convenient for Breathe Easy month! Well, just imagine the swirl of smoke coming from her pursed lips is what breathing out your attachment to outcomes looks like… lol.

Photo Credit: Doubledareyaa

Control is the opposite of Yes

We are powerless to stop unwelcome change in our lives. The idea of unwelcome change ignites our imaginations and we habitually conjure up fearful and painful possibilities.

Human beings naturally avoid pain and move towards pleasure. But we seem to put more effort into avoiding the pain than creating the pleasure. Even pleasure itself becomes a way to hide from pain.

Accepting that we can’t control change in our lives is the first step to relaxing and freeing ourselves from worry.

We try to control because we want to avoid feeling pain. If everything turns out the way we would like, we feel safe. We don’t have to worry about anything.

We worry because we are afraid of failure. And yet failure humbles us and points us in a new direction… if we allow it.

We worry because we do not trust ourselves to handle what happens, or that what happens will be for the best.

5 ways to practice Yes

Worrying and trying to stay in control of what will happen is avoiding reality. This is our way of saying No and keeping ourselves stuck in a fearful place. We feel helpless and powerless.

We worry because we have not yet said Yes to the givens in life. By saying Yes we reconnect with our ability to make positive choices. We stop resisting.

There are 5 ways to say Yes and bring choice back into our lives.

1. Say yes to our imperfections — pass on the judgments
2. Say yes to our mistakes — give permission to try new things
3. Say yes to our experience — observe opportunities for growth
4. Say yes to our reality — be here now, not tomorrow or yesterday
5. Say yes to curiosity — relax the attachment to outcomes

We can shift our perspective from controlling who we are to being curious about who we could be.

“We do not let go of control; we let go of the belief that we have control.”
- David Richo

*The above material has been adapted and expanded on from David Richo’s The Five Things We Cannot Change… and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them — available from the Amazon link in the sidebar.

Breathe Easy — I am in the flow

How do you know when you are resisting the flow? Check out your posture. Are you hunched over your keyboard or steering wheel like you are in a race?

Are your hands relaxed or are your fingers curled into a fist? Is your jaw clenched, or your tongue pressed against the roof of your mouth? What about that tension in your shoulders? Are you holding your breath?

When you notice these symptoms remember the affirmation for Flow. Focus on the words and relax your breathing.

Go ahead.

“I breathe in the ability to go with the flow. I am filled with the confidence that I will be carried to exactly where I should be. I breathe out my desire to control everyone and everything.”

If you’ve been working with this affirmation this week you’ve already been practicing saying Yes!

On Sunday, the next affirmation will be published from the Breathe Easy Deck and the Enchanted World of Amy Zerner and Monte Farber.

The topic for Affirmation 2 is Floating. In the meantime, keep breathing and go with the flow.

What do you notice about yourself when you are resisting the flow?

What are you afraid of?

How do you manage your fears?

Note: This affirmation has been used with permission and cannot be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

Photo Credit: Muha

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Breathe Easy — Flow

“All things great and small flow and grow and follow their destiny.”

This is the first post in a series of eight for the month of May. Refer to the introduction for specific instructions on how to work with this week’s affirmation.

Write down the following affirmation on a piece of paper so that you can practice it during the week. Before you focus on this, take a few minutes to find a comfortable resting position and begin breathing comfortably.

When you are ready, continue with your relaxed breathing and focus on the affirmation. Practice this for up to 10 minutes, or longer if you choose.

This Week’s Affirmation*

I breathe in the ability to go with the flow. I am filled with the confidence that I will be carried to exactly where I should be. I breathe out my desire to control everyone and everything.

Practice this affirmation with the breathing every morning this week, or when it is convenient for you. Thursday’s post will give you the opportunity to work with this affirmation from a different perspective.

This series is based on the Breathe Easy Deck from the Enchanted World of Amy Zerner and Monte Farber.

*Content has been used with permission and cannot be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

Comments are closed on these Sunday posts. You can use the extra time to practice right? Comments will be open on Thursday’s post. I look forward to hearing your comments about the affirmation and how it worked for you during the week.

Now breathe :~)

If you don’t want to miss a post in this series, be sure to subscribe in a Reader or through an email subscription.

Photo Credit: Sonictk

The Breathe Easy Deck

A couple of weeks ago I purchased a deck of 36 cards called the Breathe Easy Deck. They were for a friend’s birthday present, but I was so taken by them I bought a box for myself.

Later, I sent off an email to ask for permission to share them on my blog. Permission was granted and as a result, I’ve dedicated the month of May to Breathing Easy.

This Sunday I will publish the first affirmation so that you can begin to work with it each morning for about 10 minutes.

On the following Thursday I will publish a post that will give you an opportunity to practice this affirmation from a different perspective.

I’m thrilled to have permission to share from the Enchanted World of Amy Zerner and Monte Farber. Note that I have adapted the use of the cards for this purpose as I am only featuring four cards from this deck.

“Get your breathing back on track. These cards introduce simple breathing exercises, paired with affirmations and visualizations that you can use to harness the power of your breath and bring healthful energy into your life.”

Basic Breathe Easy Exercise

The following excerpts have been taken from the fold-out instructions included with the set of Breathe Easy cards. You will use this exercise with each of the cards that will be featured over the next four weeks.

Before picking a card… sit, stand, or lie comfortably with your back in a good posture. Close your eyes. Let anything that is stressing you rise to the surface of your mind.

Think about it briefly and watch it dispassionately, like it is happening to someone else, and let it go. Consciously relax your shoulders, arms and legs.

Slowly exhale through your nose, emptying your lungs to make room for a new supply of air. Take a deep breath, filling your abdomen and then your chest. Do not strain. Exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat, relaxing with the feeling of long, slow deep breaths.

Focus on the affirmation, breathing deeply in a uniform rhythm. Keep your focus on the intention of the card — don’t worry about the results.

Your inner self is learning to use the powers of your body and mind to create the healthy, balanced life changes that you desire.

Relaxed Concentration Promotes Optimum Learning

Our inner mental voice is always carrying on a dialogue — often, a negative one. We hear ourselves say, “I can’t…” or “I’m not good at…”

We can counter this negativity by making a conscious effort to use counteracting, positive affirmations. Coupled with visualizations and breathing exercises, these affirmations can enhance your energy flow and self-esteem, and put you in a state of relaxed concentration.

This is “the zone” where optimum learning, analysis, and planning can take place.

Breathing is something we do every day. But it’s also a powerful tool, one we can use to combat stress and anxiety, feel centred and connected, and have more energy.

Sunday’s post will be dedicated to the card “Flow” — a great way to start off your week!

How have you used breathwork or affirmations to your benefit in the past?

What other techniques do you use to relax?

Photo Credit: Andréia

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